Year of Mercy: Restored from Pornography Addiction

Hi friends, 

Awhile ago, I asked a friend of mine to consider sharing her story of her journey with her husband through his pornography addiction with you, my readers. She agreed, but we never set a deadline. In His perfect timing, though, she wrote to me that she was ready to write the blog -- and I think it is so wonderful to open the year of Mercy on this blog with her story. I hope you can share and receive healing through her beautiful testimony of God and His profound grace and mercy!

--- Noelle 

 ------- GUEST POST FROM ANA www.freedandrestored.com --------------

We, as the Catholic Church, have just entered into the Year of Mercy. 

Mercy as defined by the Catechism is: 

“the charitable actions by which we come to the aid of our neighbor in his spiritual and bodily necessities”. Charitable actions can include (but are not limited to): instructing, advising, consoling, comforting, forgiving and bearing wrongs patiently.

There weren’t any warning signs. Sure, there were rumblings going on beneath the surface of our 5 year marriage, but I brushed them to the back of my mind; these bumps in the road are to be expected when we have a busy life with 2 young children… I’d often tell myself.

But one evening, the rumblings erupted and a big, big problem came to light. This problem had been silently infiltrating and ruining our marriage from its very start. This problem was a silent, slow killer of my husband’s soul. The parts of him that were dying were so slow and painful for him but it was hard for me to recognize. However, once it all came to light I found myself dumbfounded in how I missed it.

The problem that came to light was that my husband is a pornography addict. 

Just reading those words, how do you feel? Does it make you uncomfortable? Does it feel like maybe I just got way too personal? Does that make you think poorly of my husband? Does it make you think that I must have been doing something wrong to push him to pornography? Does it make you think that our marriage must have really big problems that we’d been ignoring that led to this? 

Would you be surprised by the fact that around 64% of Christian men say they look at porn at least monthly? Or that of all men, 68% admit that they view pornography at least weekly?

Until this problem was literally looking me in the face, I was oblivious to the fact that it was a problem at all. Every guy does it. It doesn’t hurt anyone. It’s harmless. If it’s so widely accepted, then why did my husband carry around such shame? Why did I carry such shame for his addiction?  All of the shame attached to a pornography addiction seems ironic to me because pornographic material and viewing is so widely accepted among today’s society. Is it because of this cultural acceptance and approval that acknowledging pornography can actually be a problem – and not just a hobby - brings about so much embarrassment?

In all honesty, the shame I felt really surprised me.  Being a ‘social butterfly’, I heal and problem solve by talking to others. Even for issues within my marriage I had a solid group of married friends and mentors I could go to and, respectfully, problem solve. But this – this was something different. I wanted to talk to someone, I needed to talk to someone, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it without feeling shame; shame for myself and shame for my husband.  But why the heck was I feeling ashamed? Wasn’t I just one of the victims? Isn’t this my husband’s problem?  I didn’t fully recognize the disgrace directly attached to pornography addiction until I wanted to talk to someone about me and my husband’s situation and I couldn’t think of a single person to call, email, or text. I couldn’t think of anyone in my life who had openly discussed this issue.

The questions I posed earlier weren’t just to get you to recognize the stigma attached to a pornography addict, but they were actually my own thoughts on the rare occasion I’d hear of someone with an addiction to pornography. So because I knew what I had thought, I assumed others would think the same. I feared once my family found out about my husband’s problem, that they would think our marriage had no merit. I feared that once my friends found out, they would think my husband was a pervert. I feared that once acquaintances and neighbors found out, they would assume I wasn’t meeting my husband’s intimate needs.  But I couldn’t stay silent, my emotions were too big and frankly, I was lost as to how to ‘fix’ this. This was the biggest problem our marriage had faced thus far and I was feeling hopeless and alone. 

I didn’t know where to go, so I emailed our parish priest. My husband had encouraged me to contact a good friend of mine whom he heard had faced a similar issue within their marriage in the past. Between prayer, the advising of our priest, and talking to our friends, I was able to slowly start sorting through my emotions and our marriage began to slowly start healing. It took a lot of time and grace for me to understand that pornography addiction is a true addiction. Pornography actually mimics the same effects on the brain as a drug does to a drug addict. Once I was able to realize that this was not just a hobby gone haywire, and that my husband had a true problem, it was easier to let go of some of my hurt that was falsely rooted in my heart saying that I had somehow caused this.  The more that my husband and I were able to openly discuss his addiction, the more it became a team effort to combat this addiction. 

Soon I began to understand why my husband would feel shame.  He had had a ‘bond’ with pornography that had been there since he was a young teenager. From the very beginning, pornography was something to be done privately and secretly. As he aged and relationships came and went, pornography was always secretly and privately there. As we dated and got married and started a family, pornography was always secretly and privately there. It was there for him when he was stressed or when our marriage hit a rough patch. With each secret viewing, his shame was building as was his double life. It all came to a head when he confronted me and confessed to me. As I stated earlier, I was completely oblivious; I hadn’t found anything or stumbled across images on his phone or computer. After almost two decades of looking at porn, he was a pro at erasing his footprints. He was a pro at timing. He was a pro at deceiving and pretending that everything was alright. But that night the he opened up to me, everything was not alright. He was worn, tired of living a double life, tired of deceiving me, tired of trying to fight this private struggle alone.

My husband’s shame is what kept him from talking to anyone about his hobby-turned-problem-turned-addiction. There was so much shame attached to his viewing of pornography that he would fight an interior battle, only to lose and often crumble to the floor and weep after looking at it. When he began to share with me what a true struggle this was, I could not help but have love for him. Before me was not the strong, straight-lined, disciplined, man that I had thought he was. Instead, I was looking into the eyes of a hurt and broken man, screaming for help, seeking comfort and compassion from the one woman he thought would and could give that.

Throughout our entire healing process, with as angry as I was and with as hurt as I was, it was evident that his own pain was deeper than any pain I could inflict on him, and his anger with himself was greater than any anger I could throw at him.  The love of my life stood before me worn, weak, and vulnerable. In hindsight, it was if I held his heart and soul in my hands and how he was going to live the rest of his life depended in my reaction to this entire situation. Was I going to slap him across the face and leave like a part of me wanted to do? Was I going to get angry? Cry? Hold a grudge? Was I going to give up on him? Was I going to turn bitter? Was I going to keep track of how much this hurt me and try to hurt him more? Was I going to forgive him?

By the grace of God, and for the good of my husband’s heart and soul, I was able to show him mercy when he needed it the most. Yes, I was angry. Yes, I cried. Yes I was very, very hurt. But I learned that I could feel those emotions while still gently holding his heart in my hands. I could be angry and still hug him. I could cry and still talk to him. I could be very, very hurt and still forgive him. I could feel like my entire World came crashing down before me, and still God gave me grace to show mercy.

It was through this mercy, time passing, a lot of prayer and constant forgiving that my husband and I have come out of this battle bloodied, but alive. In fact, as with most marital strife, we’ve come through to the other side and can confidently say our marriage is better now than it ever has been. My husband’s pornography addiction was a deep root in our relationship that seeped into nearly every aspect of our union. This was hard on our entire marriage; it was hard on our intimacy, it was hard on the way we communicated with each other; it was hard on the way that we treated each other; it was hard on the way we thought of each other.  We are still working through some effects of it, but the difference is that now we are facing this fight together.  I thank God for showing me grace and mercy so that I was able to, in turn, know mercy and show it to my husband.

With our World going off the rails in so many ways, we as Christians can work together to lift the veil of shame attached to pornography addiction. This evil can be remedied by communion, accountability, and discussion. The more we openly discuss such a problem that affects our lives, the more our brothers and sisters in Christ can look up and say, “You too? I thought it was just me…” and the healing can begin. 

“But rather, love your enemies and do good to them, and lend expecting nothing back; then your reward will be great and you will be children of the Most High, for he himself is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful, just as [also] your Father is merciful.”    Luke 6:35-36

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Born in a small, mid-west farming town, Ana was raised as a cradle Catholic but did not begin to deeply explore her faith until her college years.  At that time, she discovered a gift for speaking enthusiastically and candidly about lessons she has learned, and how struggles in her life have carried her closer to God. In 2015, Ana and her husband Ryan began developing
www.freedandrestored.com as a resource to share their story and encourage anyone affected by pornography addiction.  Ana lives in Michigan with her husband Ryan and their three (soon to be four) children. She most recently contributed their story to Matt Fradd’s latest book entitled “Restored”.

Restored by Cameron and Matt Fradd: http://restoredbook.com/

The Advent Nazi

I will be writing a blog for each week of Advent and at some point in the near future will update my weight loss blog which, for better or worse, is on hold due to sickness, traveling, and....... Christmas treats. ;) 

I have been pondering this blog for a while and how to word it compassionately, but I just decided... eh, what the heck. I can deal with the comments as they come!

So, let us talk briefly about what I like to call: the Advent Nazi. What do I mean by that? I mean the person who forbids, shudders, and scorns anyone who mentions Christmas in the four weeks of Advent leading up to Christmas. No lights. No tree. No carols. Yelling at everyone that *Yes, Mary did know!* Etc. 

My husband, David, is an Advent Nazi. I, on the other hand, am more like Elf. Ya know...

SANTAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay. So, how do we do it? 

Once, David and I were fighting about putting up Christmas lights on the house (I wanted them, he did not, summoning the excuse that we should not put up lights in Advent and that he is holier than me, but really I think it was because he just did not want to put up lights and I am obviously holier because childbirth...) But anyway, we were in the grocery store, when a woman walked past him and called him a Scrooge!

I died laughing. 

But I have been thinking... Advent is not supposed to be somber like Lent. It is supposed to be joyful preparation and anticipation ! Just take a moment and look at the Psalms... 

Week One: To You O Lord, I Lift My Soul

Week Two: The Lord Has Done Great Things for Us, We are Filled with Joy

Week Three: Cry out with Joy and Gladness for the Great One is Among You, the Holy One of Israel

Week Four: Lord, Make us Turn to You, Let us See Your Face and We Shall be Saved

Yes, we pull out all the stops for Christmas day and the Christmas season thereafter, but should we not rejoice that this is the most wonderful time of the year where people who maybe forget about their faith the previous 11 months all of a sudden are reminded of the birth of a Savior through the lights and sounds and sights that we display -- commercial or not! That the season is full of songs of hope and peace on earth and goodwill towards men, charitable giving, and so on and so forth -- can we not rejoice in that instead of annoyingly reminding people Christmas isn't here yet? Can we welcome others into the joyful anticipation with us and gladly celebrate Advent while also making our beautiful Christmas preparations? 

I get it! I totally get it, that Advent is the waiting period. But having been pregnant four times, waiting in joyful anticipation over 9 months each time, I can tell you that the preparations I make as a mom only enhance my own excitement at the birth of my child. And YES at month 9 when I have finished all of the preparation, I realize it is not his/her birthday yet, but... 

I sing to my babies before they are born. I sing about them. I sing to them. 

I talk to them. 

I decorate. I buy them a gift that is just theirs for when they come home with me. 

I watch the labor episode of *The Office* with Jim and Pam. 

I change up the furniture as necessary. I stock up on food so I don't have to shop. 

I pray. I go to Confession. 

And I wait anxiously and excitedly for his/her birth. 

I make the same preparations for the birth of my own child as I do for the birth of My King. 

I put on the joyful music. We sing O Come O Come Emmanuel in the evening and pray.  We buy gifts, just three, each for the kids. We go to Confession. This is the one time of year I actually enjoy baking. We watch fun Christmas movies and dunk cookies in egg nog and nostalgia! And I get just as excited as the kids when it comes to Christmas morning. They know it is the birthday of our Lord!

The Gospel this past Sunday says that there will be signs of the coming of our Lord. I look at our decorations as simple signs that we believe in and anticipate the coming of our Lord and everyone can witness that as well! 

So..... how do David and I compromise on keeping the focus on Advent but joyfully anticipating Christmas? 

I insist upon lighted evergreen in the house at this time of year, so.... We have an Advent tree. A little tree we decorate with purple, then pink, then purple again. We utilize prayers and the Advent candles. And we decorate the house, but leave the Christmas tree for the week of Christmas. We listen to Christmas music, but sing O Come O Come Emmanuel as our prayer. We have an Advent calendar. We shop, but keep the gifts to three each, plus a stocking of treats. Again, tying the *three* into the amount of gifts that Jesus received. 

We compromised from literally NO decor or music and a wife who cried because if you wait until Christmas day to turn on the carols your joy is short lived since after Christmas day the rest of the world moves on to pop tunes again....  to saving the tree as our BIG DEAL decoration but making little preparations beforehand! David also hides baby Jesus so I can't put him in the Nativity scene until Christmas. Last year he lost Him though so..........we may have to find a new baby Jesus. 

Anyway, I suppose all I am saying in this post is be a pregnant woman minus the morning sickness in Advent. Don't be ashamed to prepare your heart and home for the coming of our Lord, but work up to the awesome glory of that which is His Holy Birth!! 

ALSO, this is a blog written by Linda Padgett. She has an Advent board with activities for each day in a bag to do with the kids. Charity, crafts, prayers, movies, etc. It is SUPER awesome. 

I hope to do this next year: 

http://primalhappyplace.com/advent-activities-and-christmas-magic

Check it out and Happy Advent :) 

Weightloss Update Blog

Hi All!

Sorry for the delay! One of my kids knocked water on my computer so I could not use certain keys on my keyboard because they typed several other letters and even just writing a Facebook status was brutally obnoxious and with the little ones and our CD launch this week which I am behind in press for oy.... Those of you with nutty schedules realize time is gold!

Anywho, the stats...

Starting weight sixish weeks postpartum was 185
Current weigh in this week is 177.

Total loss is 8 lbs.

Now, I gotta tell ya.... I started to feel pretty discouraged that I could not seem to get my appetite under control, so I madly avoided the scale and I am actually thinking that it is better mentally for me to not weigh-in when I feel like I did not do so great in eating healthy. Another thing to remind myself and just to make sure you know too, the number on the scale is just a number. The important thing is that I am feeling SO MUCH STRONGER and starting to get some muscle back to where I am not out of breath carrying my adorable gianormous basketball player newborn baby up the stairs.

Seriously, he is my exercise at almost 16 pounds and not even 3 months till November 5th....

So, in nursing the baby still, I am struggling the most with appetite which has always been my downfall as I like to exercise. I am trying to find a good balance of maintaining the calories that I need for nursing and strength-training daily but not too much where I am not able to trim some of the baby weight that makes my clothes nice and snug. I do NOT have the budget for new clothes, so the only thing I can do is work this weight off or live in stretchy pants, which at this point doesn't seem like a bad option. Ha! I do feel like there is a little less jiggle in my wiggle...

Still plugging away. I decided to never start on Mondays. Every day is a new day for reclaiming a healthier me ! But, other than sleep exhaustion from newborn life,  I am feeling great! It is amazing how a little exercise goes a long, long way.

I am so thankful to my friends who regularly come over and work out with me cause I don't think I would be as disciplined without the accountability of three friends showing up when it is still dark outside! Extra hour of sleep this weekend! Woo!

Until next time..

Behind the Music #2: Waiting

One of my favorite songs on our new CD is "Waiting". David came up with the beautiful guitar music and played for me while I ran and grabbed the words I had just written down a few days prior. It came together in moments, which is a miracle in and of itself because writing music with your spouse is one of the most difficult, beautiful, personal, intimate, rage-inducing activities ever! :)

I had just reconnected with some old friends and while sitting in Adoration one day, began to reflect on the different paths we have all taken growing up. Some of us work for the Church and some of us want nothing at all to do with the Church some of us are married and some of us are single, some have kids, some do not, some have traveled the world, and some have stayed in the town they grew up in. I thought about why it was that I have chosen the path I have chosen when I could have made so many different choices and I realized...

My path isn't much different from anyone else's, really, when it comes to those who have left the faith and those who have not. The only difference between me and a friend who left their faith behind is that I decided to turn around and come back.

I have made some bad choices. I was a pretty big hypocrite at different points in my life. I hurt others and they hurt me and I remember wondering why should I love God in the midst of all the suffering? Why should I follow Him when it seemed so much easier to walk away or stay complacent?

But there would always be something.

SOMETHING that would draw me back.

A song on the radio... a comment from a friend or family member... an experience... a gentle reminder of my faith... maybe the prayers of someone who loved me.

And I would always remember that the one thing I knew for certain, though I didn't know how or why is....

God loves me.

He loves me.

And that's enough.

It is so easy for an innocent child to believe in God. They believe in hope, they believe in love, they offer mercy to the bully on the playground, they trust freely. Until when?

Until someone breaks that trust. Until someone takes their innocence. Until they make choices and lose their innocence. It happens to all of us at one point or another.

World-crushing pain, suffering, or sin.

That's when I think we become jaded. We mistrust God. We doubt Him. We start by doubting His love for us. Then we doubt His plan for us. Then we doubt His existence. Yet, His love is so great that He allows us to go through this process. He allows us to reject Him. He is with us even as we walk away.

He is waiting. Waiting.

The chorus of the song is this:
"You waited for me, You waited for me to look up and see You waiting on me,
Waiting on me to say 'Here I am'".

One of the biggest lessons I have had to learn -- one of the biggest conversions in my heart and one of the most beautiful, powerful, moving realizations is written in the bridge of this song... "You say to me I am not my sin, I am not defined by mistakes. You restored my heart by grace. I am forgiven. I am forgiven...

I am forgiven."

Sometimes it is our sin and mistakes that keep us away from God. We put a veil of false humility and "unworthiness" over our heads. Or we divide ourselves from union with Him out of our own arrogance that we know better. Though deep down, I wonder if in those moments we even trust ourselves in the midst of not trusting Him. Do we not realize, He died for all of our sins? Do we not realize that in claiming unworthiness we in effect exclude ourselves from being open to receiving His mercy and grace?! Why not take advantage of His grace, love, hope, peace, mercy and put our own selfishness aside for a moment.

He never, EVER, says we aren't good enough to run to Him!! Read the lives of the saints. Some of the greatest saints were the greatest sinners and I think that is because they lived lives with PASSION! When you give everything over to sin, then have an encounter with God, you already know what it is to give everything and you know, now, how to give everything to God. Not because He asks for it, but because you WANT to because you love Him, too.

It's just an act of the will to actually do it. To give Him everything, knowing He loves you and has given you everything.

That is what I aspire to.

And every time I fall or decide to walk away, He is still there. Every time I doubt, He is still there.

Waiting.

Behind the Music #1: Like No One Else

The next few weeks, I want to focus on explaining the meaning behind the songs on our new album, set to be released on October 27th! It was a labor of love with much sweat and tears. We cannot thank our financial and spiritual supporters enough.

This is the first song on the album, *Like No One Else*. I wrote the words and music, but as he usually does, David took the music and made it more interesting. David hears the music in layers, but I hear the music with space. Somehow, through many fights and prayers and love, the two come together!

This is the meaning behind, *Like No One Else*...


David and I met on a Catholic dating website called Ave Maria Singles but a bit before that, I was dating someone I thought I would marry. When that didn't work out, I decided I needed to concentrate on my relationship with God. I needed to fall in love with Him again, because I hadn't been as close or as faithful to my relationship with Him in awhile.

I was one of those girls that once I experienced my first relationship, I felt I always needed to be in a relationship. Very little thought or discernment was put into getting into those relationships, though I really did try my best to make them work even if I knew deep down it wasn't a good fit. I thought the easiest and best way to be loved was to have a boyfriend!

During the time of singlehood that I had before I met David, I realized through lots and lots of prayer that I would not be able to really love someone unless I loved the Lord. I knew that He needed to come first and I wanted a man who would put God first too. For the first time in my adult life, I felt completely fulfilled by the love of God. I didn't need a guy. I was satisfied and whole. 

Fast forward to meeting David. 

David was the first guy I ever dated that I was afraid would break up with me. Why? Because I knew he was also whole and completely satisfied in his relationship with God and His love for Him. I knew we were two whole people coming together that loved each other, but didn't NEED each other. It was a new territory for me! 

When we married, I had another realization. 

I still couldn't love David if I didn't love God first. He can't love me if he doesn't love God first, either. This love is not just a feeling, but a deep self-sacrificing, free, total, faithful decision to love! 

"Can you surrender, can you close your eyes and fall back into my arms?

Can you let go enough to fly

And let Me love you like no one else can?

Let Me love you like no one else can."

When we put the expectation on anyone but the Lord to love us the way we need to be loved all the time, we will always come up unsatisfied. I'm not just talking about intentionally or unintentionally hurting one another, I'm talking about even just being tired and not loving to the fullest of our capacity! But God can love us like no one else can. David and I could both know that if our relationship hadn't worked out, we would have been okay, because we would still be loved. 

Sometimes we harden ourselves to love because of those past hurts, but God who Himself is love will never leave you wounded. All throughout the Gospels we see the Lord reaching out to the most "unlovable" and that love brings those people healing, drastic life changes, and peace. We will do crazy things for someone we love and God's loves runs so deep that He gave His only Son. For us. 

I can't imagine that. I can't imagine sending one of my children to die for anyone, even a close friend or family member. I am incapable of that kind of love. But God isn't!!

So, what have you got to lose.... let Him love you like no one else can!

Weightloss Journey week Two

Starting weight: 185
Last week: 181
This week: 179
Down 2 pounds this week, down 6 overall!


I have amazing friends who have been working out with me at 5am every single day except the weekends. I couldn't do it without them, because with nursing... 5am comes around pretty quick! We missed one day - due to Diego being up all night, but I just tried to stay active that afternoon and evening.

Diet-wise, I was pretty awful. Because nursing plus now exercising regularly takes so much energy, I have had a hard time not OVER-eating. Plus it was Lucia's birthday and we had cupcakes in the shape of a -- well, that's another story....A mom fail to say the least and if you saw it on Facebook, I promise it was a butterfly.

Then, day one of when I was going to start the 100 Days of Real Food menu, David decided to make dinner. David NEVER decides to make dinner on his own and even shop for the ingredients, so I couldn't pass that up. He made the same thing he made for me when we were newly married, six years ago (yeah, it's been six years since he made me dinner so I HAD to take him up on this romantic gesture!!) It was.....


......


English muffin pizzas! :P But they were good and I ate a lot of them because they are small.

So...... epic fail diet wise but this week has started off a little better. We had roasted veggies and pork chops and the pork chop recipe I found online was so gross that I ate a small portion. So there ya go.

Back to the grind!

See ya next week!

Pope Francis, Gays, and Kim Davis

This will probably be the shortest blog I have ever written...

One set of people is praising Pope Francis for meeting with Kim Davis, the Kentucky clerk who refuses to issue marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples. They say, HA! Stinkin' left wingers!

One set of people is praising Pope Francis for meeting with a gay couple and says that the meeting with Kim Davis was a setup. They say, HA! Stinkin' right wingers!

My point: WHO CARES?!?!?! He met with Fidel Castro too, folks! He met with a lot of high and low class saints and sinners.

That's the point though, isn't it? Jesus' love doesn't discriminate. Jesus doesn't say you're not good enough to be loved because your politics aren't in line with My Gospel. He doesn't say you're not good enough for Me to associate with because of the political implications of that association.  He doesn't say you're not good enough for Me to love because of your sin. The Church doesn't have borders or left wings and right wings -- at least it isn't suppose to! If our faith tells us anything at all it should be that Jesus Himself aligned with the persecuted, the unloved, the unlovable, the outcast, the lost.

I don't know about you, but that's me.

The Pope, and all of us Christians who claim to represent Christ and be His hands and feet, and live out the Gospel shouldn't discriminate in our love either. Meet with Kim Davis and get to know her. Maybe you'll find you could love her even if you disagree with her. Meet with the prisoners. Meet with gay and lesbian and transsexual and immigrant and your neighbor for crying out loud.

Jesus didn't accept all forms of behavior and consequently, neither does the Church, however, Jesus RADICALLY LOVED all those He met, and if we are to be like Him, we MUST LOVE!!!!!!! We must love even those we find most unlovable. Jesus said even hypocrites love their friends, but we are called to love even our enemies. I don't think the word "enemies" just means those who hate us, but I think it means those who we ourselves dislike, hate, or find difficult to love. That love causes us to RADICALLY CHANGE OUR LIVES!!

Stop throwing the Pope's visit in other people's faces and take a look in the mirror instead.

Can you love better? I think you can. I know I can. Can you see the face of Jesus Christ in Kim Davis or Fidel Castro or Cecile Richards, knowing He gave His life for them and wants nothing more than to wrap His arms around them, too?

We politicize love and what do we get... gossip, hate, pain, division, pride.

I have tried to pray, "Lord, help me love this person! Help me see you in this person!" I fail, but I know I can't love God fully if I refuse to love His children.  Knowing, as Catholic speaker Mike Patin says, "Everyone loves somebody, everyone has lost something or someone, and everyone is fighting a battle." You just don't know their battles, so please... no matter how fervent the disagreement, choose the higher road to try to love. 

God is love and love is impossible without Him. Ask His help. 

But stop limiting God's love. The Pope can meet with whomever he wants. He can extend Christ's love because ...

it belongs to EVERYONE.  And we belong to God.

Amen.