Childbirth and the Crucifixion

Wow! What an amazingly holy, incredible, terrifying, awful, beautiful experience!!

We just recently welcomed our fourth child into the world - Diego Francis, 8lb 4oz, 21 inches long on August 5th. I thought he would never arrive because my labor just kept starting and stopping for days. It was nuts! I would tell David, "Don't go anywhere -- this is it!" And then it would stop and I felt like the biggest failure of a child-bearer.

And, I was big. Very big.

So big, in fact, that people gently, in hushed tones, confided in me that they thought I was having a giant baby. Or twins.

#thingsthatmakepregnantwomencry

Every labor is different, but the reason I feel called to share this one is that this one was my first med-free delivery.

With Damien, the epidural was amazing and exactly the right choice for me.

With Lucia, I got the epidural too late -- she was born twenty minutes after it was put in.

With Elias, the epidural numbed my left leg. I was quite the sight, carrying my baby in my hospital gown, dragging my left leg behind me. It's the stuff of horror films.

So, this time around I thought, you know... I've basically given birth without the epidural twice. I think I can do this one without the epidural. Also, unlike other services... if you get the epidural, you still have to pay for it whether it worked or not. There is no money-back guarantee, so I just didn't want to throw more hundreds of dollars down the drain in the event that it didn't work for me again.

Little did I realize, this would be the longest... labor..... EVER! Starting and stopping all weekend, finally getting revved up enough to where we could go in on a Tuesday around noon after laboring all morning and finally ultimately giving birth on Wednesday around 8:30am.

I also had a stomach bug and hadn't eaten since breakfast Monday morning. It was brutal!!

But I am already overly confident that I could do it again. See, what grace God gives mothers that makes us open to life! (Though, someone asked me if I would do natural labor again right after Diego's birth and I said I never wanted to have another child ever, ever, ever again.)

#thingsnottoaskmomsrightafterlabor


Anyway, I digress... the main point of this post is to share how I reflected on the Sorrowful Mysteries throughout my labor and that is honestly what got me through the frustrations, the hunger, the fatigue (I had been up almost 48 hours by the time Diego was born due to laboring off and on throughout Monday night), the pain, etc. It was a very sanctifying experience for me and I am grateful for that spiritual growth and also even just learning a lot about the amazingness of the human body and miracle of life!

THE 1ST SORROWFUL MYSTERY: The Agony in the Garden

Truly no one can go through labor but you as the mama. No one can take this cup from you. No one can really do anything to share the pain along with you. It is your cross to bear. There were times in the labor when I felt totally alone - that in refusing pain medication, no one could really help me.  Then there were times when I looked at David and said, "Are you still sleeping? Could you not stay awake with me for one hour?" :P  As the nurse came in and told me to concentrate and focus on making the contractions more productive, she turned to David and said, "Aw, hon, would you like a blanket and pillow?" Yeah. Get him a blanket and pillow.

#thingsthatmakelaboringwivesangry


I was able to really meditate during the contractions and could actually sing hymns during them! I became so relaxed, though that I ended up slowing down the contractions! How crazy is that?! When the nurse came in and threatened pitocin, I knew I needed to get out of meditation and focus on the pain. All of a sudden, the contractions strengthened. I was fascinated by this process!! And moved to reflect on the second sorrowful mystery...

THE 2ND SORROWFUL MYSTERY: The Scourging at the Pillar

In reflecting on this mystery, I kept repeating to myself that my pain threshold is stronger than I think it is. I imagined the pain Jesus felt, being scourged over and over, and yet how He survived and bore the pain. At this point, my water partially broke (I HIGHLY recommend the Side-lying release move on www.spinningbabies.com -- It moved things along when I stalled out twice! NO Pitocin!)  So the pain became more intense. The fatigue was incredible. Trying to focus on endurance was what I tied to this mystery... Not to mention, there is no modesty in childbirth. Jesus was stripped and humiliated for the sake of our lives, for our salvation. In labor, modesty goes out the window for the sake of bringing new life into the world. It is humbling to be so vulnerable, but my focus was so much on that of my little baby, that I didn't care. I imagine it was the same for our Lord... that His focus was so much on us, His children, that He didn't even think about His own suffering or humiliation.

THE 3RD SORROWFUL MYSTERY: The Crowning with Thorns

This mystery made me laugh, actually, because the only thing I could think of to meditate on was the crowning of my own baby's head! Come on, kid! Show thyself! :) Jesus was given a drink, must have been famished. I was starving and could only eat ice chips! I did sneak a mint or two..... This mystery, though, marked for me my halfway point. I can do this, I told myself over and over. My labor had stalled again and the nurses were literally about to bring in the pitocin when my water really broke. Like... I was wondering if there was actually a baby in there kinda broke. And that is when the pain skyrocketed. David encouragingly told me that my contractions were off the chart.

#thingsthatpaniclaboringwomen

THE 4TH SORROWFUL MYSTERY: The Carrying of the Cross

When my water broke and my stomach consequently deflated like.. I dunno.. about a foot... I realized the weight I had been carrying for so many months. The weight that had bore me down, gave me swollen feet, pained hips, sore back, made my daughter refer to me as a "roly-ball" and caused me to have to wear a multitude of stretchy pants.... The weight was about to be relieved as I laid down this cross... but as with all crosses, the end isn't death but new life, eternal life.

THE 5TH SORROWFUL MYSTERY: The Crucifixion

Not gonna lie. At this point I was screaming. Not bloody murder screaming, but loud enough to think for a moment... I wonder if this is normal... The doctor told me I could still have something for pain if I wanted it... Okay, I said. "But it will have to go in your back."  "No. No I can do this." To me, anyone touching me at that point was a thought more painful than just being left alone to finish this out. I remember a friend telling me that just when you think you can't take it anymore, it's almost over. I honed in on that. It is almost over. Three hours on the cross my Lord, and just when You couldn't take it anymore, it was almost over.

He cried out in a loud voice.

Pierced in His side.

Out flowed blood and water.

I started to push. "No, don't push yet, it's not time." But my body didn't care what time it was, I could not stop. I couldn't stop pushing at all and no amount of telling me to relax would help. It was time.

Three pushes. Out came my boy.

When they placed him on my chest, I couldn't even raise up to look at him. I held him as I trembled uncontrollably from the adrenaline. I couldn't stop shaking. I was in so much pain. But I just held him.

David took out his cell phone camera so I could see the face of our boy on his phone screen.

It was finished. It is accomplished.


_________________________________


While it was certainly my most exhausting and difficult labor, I will always think back on it fondly. It was such a profoundly beautiful agony. The moments David and I sang through the contractions... When David looked at me and told me that I was his hero and he was so proud of me...and that watching me go through this labor and delivery moved him to tears.

That he now understood why men hold doors for women... Why they are called to protect women... because be it physically as mothers or spiritually as mothers, we are able to pour ourselves out to give life in a way that they can't.

It was amazing.

I share this picture with you, even though it isn't the prettiest, but because I am so amazed at the miracle of life. The abundance of love that can lead one to suffer such incredible pain....

Maybe you are a mother who can relate to this. But even if you have not given birth to your kids, if you have adopted, or you are a godmother or take care of others in a nurturing, life-giving way, you understand. Because you love at the capacity which gives you courage to suffer. You love at a capacity which gives you endurance in the midst of suffering. You love at a capacity that offers hope to others in the midst of suffering.


We are so thankful to everyone who has lent a hand, sent us meals and gift cards and diapers, well-wishes, prayers, and love. You are what makes this life beautiful.

God bless!

It is True, Love Has Won.

This blog... I would rather go to the dentist than write this blog, but I would be remiss if I did not briefly address some of the hatred, fallacy, and impending persecution of the Church. I really have taken my time to pray and reflect on the most appropriate way to address the Supreme Court's most recent decision, allowing gay unions to be considered the same as traditional marriage, thus redefining a term used throughout civilization. I think I have to break this down into several parts, so this blog will be in shorter thoughts. Also,  hopefully you can come back and read the rest if you cannot get through the whole thing at once!

PLEASE READ THROUGH THE WHOLE THING! Please don't skip, because we all know out of context means misunderstanding. And commenting out of context is sort of a pet peeve. (Poor St. Paul).

Let us start with the basic:

WHAT IS THE CATHOLIC VIEW OF MARRIAGE?

Heaven.

Marriage between male and female is a foretaste of Heaven. The complete gift of oneself and union to another. Marriage is the actual imprint of the Most Holy Trinity into our very beings. In the Trinity, God the Father gives everything He is to the Son, Jesus. Jesus receives this gift and in turn gives everything He is back to the Father and this exchange of Love is SO POWERFUL it literally is a third Person - the Holy Spirit. When God made us in His image, through the complementarity of male and female, He created this same exchange for us to mirror the Trinity and experience a taste of a one flesh union. In holy. uncontracepted, faithful matrimony, the husband is able to give himself entirely to his wife, holding nothing back - not his fertility, not his commitment, not his love, nothing. In turn, the wife receives that gift in the marital embrace and in turn gives herself entirely to him, holding nothing back -- not her fertility, her commitment, her love, nothing. This exchange of love is so powerful that it can create a third person - a baby - but is nonetheless fruitful through the constant act required of marriage which is self-giving love.

NO other union is capable of this exchange in mirroring the Trinity.

A baby conceived out of wedlock, though a blessing and unique, unrepeatable life, was conceived without total commitment of matrimony.  A contracepted marital act says, "I give myself to you, but (for whatever reason) I am not open to creating with you, and so I will hold back my fertility." And a gay/lesbian sexual act is missing the complementarity of the exchange, cannot co-create, and cannot give entirely of him/herself in the one flesh union. The man gives the woman what she does not have, and vice versa. In gay and lesbian unions, a man has already what his male lover can give, and a woman has already what her female lover can give.

Now, this said....

This does not mean there is no love in those unions.

This does NOT mean that gay and lesbian love is illegitimate and in fact the Church says it is very possible that a holy love may exist between gay and lesbian partners.  The challenge that society will not accept is that the Church says that love must be chaste love... In the same way it calls non-married heterosexual couples to have chaste love. In the same way married people must have chaste love. In the same way priests and those called to religious life are called to have chaste love.

What does that mean? It means people who have same sex attractions are called to live chastity, to live out purity. It is not a different call from the rest of us, but it is a call that is often misunderstood as a judgment or punishment. Same sex attraction is not synonymous with living in exile or loneliness in the eyes of the Church. It is synonymous, though, with being unable to fulfill the male/female requirements of matrimony. Did you know there are holy Catholic men and women who have same sex attraction and are living a chaste lifestyle with deep, loving, holy friendships/relationships? Society tells us that if we are not having sex, we must be miserable. 

But love doesn't equal sex.

Sex is an expression of love, but certainly not the only one. The six plus weeks after a woman has a baby, she is unable to have sex. Does her husband therefore not love her?

Prior to marriage, we are called to abstain from sex. Does that take away our love for one another?

Certainly not.

I do not have sex with everyone I love. That would be called weirdo nut job. The fact that I don't have sex with everyone I love does not lessen my love for them and with my husband, on our wedding night, sex did not increase my love for him. It is an expression of love and commitment and two becoming one flesh, inseparable and a way for us to establish a family, raise children as fruits of that union as God calls us to be fruitful and multiply!

Indeed Christ tells us the highest form of love is to lay down your life for a friend.

We are ALL called to love.

2. So, Love Wins, but What is Love?

What is love?

Ask people to define love and no matter the age of the person, the answer is often very much akin to what you would expect to hear from a five year old! "Love is a feeling", "Love is wanting to be with someone so much that you would do anything", "Love is romance", "Love is something that makes you feel all happy inside."

We get an awesome definition of love in Corinthians... love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy... it is not boastful or rude or conceited, love never fails, God is love.

What is love? God is love.

If love is simply a feeling, it is no better than anger or depression or hunger or thirst. It is fleeting and temperamental. It is convenient and it requires no commitment or effort. If love is sex, then it will also be gone as soon as the sex is no longer available. Love is the sacrificial gift of oneself. Putting the other above yourself, laying down one's life for the sake of another. Love is "my Body given up for you." -- A Scripture I can certainly relate to as I near the birth of my fourth child and experience in a tangible way my body given up for this little one out of my sincere love for this new life.

Love isn't narrow minded either. Love welcomes others into itself. 

So when people say "love wins" and then spit on priests walking by, or name call, or judge others, it isn't really love winning, is it? And when people say God loves us and refuse to recognize the dignity of our fellow man and the crosses, including but not limited to that of same sex attraction, that person carries, it isn't really love is it? God withholds Himself from no one. God IS love, and God's love led Him not to roses and warm fuzzies or even rainbows. It led Him to the cross. It led Him to literally pour Himself out completely.

He gave you His dignity, being mocked and spat upon.

He gave you His humility, being crowned with thorns.

He gave you His purity, being stripped naked for all to see.

He gave you His body, blood and water poured forth from His side, but then also in the Eucharist, to continue a one-flesh union with us as we prepare for the union with Him in Heaven.

He gave you His Mother, at the foot of the cross.

And after all of this, He gave you His mercy.

That is love. Love won, not at the Supreme Court, and love winning is more than a cheesy trending hashtag and rainbow filters. Love won when after all we did to Him, He not only rose again, but invites us into His Heavenly Kingdom.

If I were the Lord, I would have smote us by now. It is probably a good thing none of us are the Lord.


3. Love Isn't...

I find it hilariously depressing that in the all-accepting, free-thinking, "educated", tolerant, loving society that we have, that if you speak a counter-cultural opinion, you may guarantee the following actions to be taken against you:

1) You will lose your job.
2) You may be sued.
3) You will be publicly shamed.
4) You will be called a number of things ending in the word "phobe" or "-ist" or "bigot."
5) You will be blacklisted.
6) You will undergo financial ruin.
7) You will be forced monetarily, publicity-wise, and by the all-powerful government to comply with the current cultural opinion.

Isn't this horrific to a free-thinker? If someone has an old view, that the earth revolves around the sun, does it necessarily make it wrong? Are progressive ideas the only ideas that are true? Acceptance of homosexuality is older than non-acceptance, actually, in civilization. Learn the history before saying it is a good thing we are progressing from *antiquated ideas* because it is false that widespread promotion and acceptance of same sex unions is new. There is nothing new under the sun. (Ever hear of Sodom and Gomorrah?)

Other so-called progressive ideas that are actually nothing new... Ancient cultures accepted child sacrifice (currently known as abortion), Pedophilia (Greek pedophiles actually get disability pay from the government since 2012 now), concubines (now open marriage or pornography or any number of things can go here), abuse/enslavement of women (now the culturally accepted by both men and women BDSM, pornography, etc). Our traditional Christian ideas may go back a ways, but Christian ideas led a majority to end many things like slavery, create hospitals, create opportunity for education for all, and so on and so forth. Please, don't get your history from blogs and memes. Even mine... Go do some non-Wikipedia research!

Progressivism is really not the same as liberalism. Liberalism really does make use of science and logic to negotiate a stance. I find it so much easier to dialogue with someone who declares themselves conservative or liberal than a progressive. Progressivism is 100% based on feelings. That is why you cannot call a progressive out on a hypocritical stance, because it is such an individualistic, subjective philosophy that there are no consequences and even if there are, you need to mind your own business. They can call out Christians, rightly so, for our own hypocrisy though -- why? Because we profess publicly to hold ourselves to standards communally shared and dictated by our faith. The only difference between our hypocrisy is that in Christianity you find and expect repentance and we know in our sin and imperfection we need a Savior. 

Here are a few cracks in the armor of current progressive thought:

1) You are born with your sexual attractions, however, your gender is a social construct. So it is possible that your sexual attractions could change with your socially constructed gender.
2) You need to stay out of people's business and let them love who they want, but you must be complicit in all of our ceremonies celebrating these relationships or you are a bigot and we hate you and will destroy you.
3) Marriage is an awesome standard for gay and lesbians couples to have to show their commitment to one another, but hetereosexual, cohabitating couples don't need a piece of paper to prove they love each other and should be able to sleep with whomever they want at any time even if not a spouse.
4) It is a sob story and valid reason for abortion when a child will be raised by a single parent, due to the challenges and lack of the opposite sexed parent in the household, but children raised by two parents of the same gender will experience no negative effects in not having a mom or not having a dad.
5) You are entitled to your opinion as long as it is not religiously based and does not remotely suggest a potential or possible consequence of anyone else's actions.
6) This was an actual court case... A cake baker does not have to serve someone who wants to write messages against homosexuality on a cake, but they DO have to serve someone who wants a wedding cake for their gay marriage.
7) You may love any of us, but if you suggest an alternative solution to our problems other than the one we are currently promoting, you are a bigot and we hate you and will destroy you. (IE suggesting that perhaps a transgender who has conflict between brain and body should try to change their brain before submitting themselves to physical, financial, emotional, social risks when changing the body.)
8) Let your child decide his or her gender and stay out of the public schools way in teaching your child about his or her own sexuality. But leave same sex parents alone so they can raise their children with their own values.


I could go on, and this is really the only part of this blog that I get emotional/upset thinking about it.

Sometimes when I listen to techno music, I literally want to bash my head into a wall, and the same goes here as I try to negotiate logic where there literally is no logic. I am usually able to have fantastic conversations and debates with people from all walks of life, but I cannot wrap my mind around a feelings based pursuit of knowledge and lifestyle and a feelings based approach to discussing things like social issues. I like to balance my actions with the reactions. Sin and consequence. Love and truth. It is hardest to swim upstream, against the cultural flow, but if I cannot grasp logically and historically an idea...it makes me wonder if it really is the best thing. Intellectual discussion and pursuit used to be valued and I think we will get back to that, but probably not for awhile.


4. Persecution of Christians

It is hilarious that people are laughing when we bring this up. Did you know what the most persecuted group of people in the world is and has been? CHRISTIANS and JEWS! That is right! We foresee this coming because we have never stopped experiencing it. From Ireland, to Mexico, to North Korea, to China, to currently the Middle East, to here in the United States where a Muslim can wear their burkas but we cannot hang a crucifix in our office. Persecution is not something we pulled out of our you know whats, it is something our brothers and sisters experience daily. Now the latest talk is we are threatened to lose tax exemptions if we do not perform gay marriages. Do you know why we are tax exempt? And I will only speak for the Catholics here, not mega Churches and coffee house churches and other religions because I have no idea of how they use their money. But Catholics send the money they receive on Sundays to Catholic Charities who help immigrants and homeless and battered women and children, to missionaries overseas who are providing food and education and healthcare to third world villages and communities, to soup kitchens here, to Vincent dePaul which actively ministers to the needs of the poor and helps them to find jobs, and so on and so on and so on. Sure the government could take all of that over, but do you want them to? Look at the dysfunction of the welfare system. The government cares about getting homeless off the streets because it is an embarrassment. Christians and people who actually love people care about the homeless because THEY CARE ABOUT THE HOMELESS!! The last thing government needs is more power, but when we turn away from God, our inclination to seek a higher power turns to government. And government becomes our god. 

There is hatred on all sides of the debate regarding gay marriage, but you know what is going to happen to Christians? We won't be slaughtered here like we are slaughtered in the Middle East - actually gay and lesbians join us in being slaughtered in the Middle East (See what hatred does?) But we will be killed more civilly. Bullied by well-funded advocates of *tolerance* to participate in ceremonies that violate our beliefs. Fined and sued until financial ruin. Job loss and suffering of our families. Coercion, manipulation, incarceration, censorship. In first world countries, we persecute people much more civilly but as ultimately deadly as third world beheadings. This isn't a prophecy, or prediction or whiney exaggeration. This stuff has already happened and is already happening.

IF WE SEEK TO COEXIST THIS HAS TO STOP.

I would never sue you because you did not want to host my prayer service. I would take my freedom and my money somewhere else. I would never sue you and rat you out to the media because you called me a bigot, homophobe, racist, sexist, etc, etc, etc. I would never do that. Do you know why? Because while I may not agree, I respect you and your right to have your beliefs and your right to decline services based on those beliefs. 

I would never shove my beliefs down the throats of your children in what is intended to be a neutral academic environment.

I just expect the same respect. But unfortunately, being politically correct has become the god of society. They will worship at its altar no matter the cost or casualties.

In that same vein, I know that I, as a Christian, have to deserve that respect by treating those who believe differently from me with love. I strive to see Christ in everyone. I strive to love more deeply.

You are not defined by your sexuality, your sin, etc. You are defined by the simple fact that you are created by Love Himself and you are His child, and He makes no mistakes. 

So, would I come to your gay wedding? Yes, I would. (See, this blog gets on everyone's nerves now!) Because I love you and I would pray for you, though I would not waiver from my belief that marriage is defined by man and woman united as one flesh under God. In the same way I would attend a non-Catholic wedding, believing that marriage is a Sacrament and more than a piece of paper handed to us by a justice of the peace.. I would come. And I would love and I would pray for you.

Would I be an active part of the ceremony? Probably not. I wouldn't do justice in participating as someone who believes this is a union, not under the definition of marriage. I would support you and be there for you throughout the relationship however, just as I would any of my friends or family and as I would expect the same.

5. State and Marriage

If the state chooses to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, I think that is a matter of public policy and is a result of who we vote for. I understand that not everyone believes the same as I do, and conversion is never brought about by forcing our views upon another (see above). However, in the same breath, the state should not force, coerce, or manipulate parties into participating in that contract. No one ever forbid someone from loving another person of the same sex, we simply believe, as have generations before us for hundreds of years, that the unique bond of marriage belongs to man and woman for procreative reasons, for raising children, and as the foundation of any society. The Supreme Court, though, did not take away from the sanctity of marriage in this recent decision. The sanctity of marriage has been at risk for a very long time and that was the result of heterosexual actions! Our 50 percent divorce rate, contraceptive mentality, etc. When you take out being faithful and fruitful from marriage, any kind of union should be acceptable. Do not think that anyone will draw the line at same-sex unions, even same-sex advocates are uncertain on this one...

One thing that most people don't know.... People are denied marriage all the time!! For a host of reasons!! They may have a previous marriage. They may have lied about their age. They may not be emancipated. They may have serious addictions or a history of abusing their partner. They may not have fulfilled the legal and religious requirements to get married. They may not be able to prove their citizenship. In the Church, marriage is discerned at length and couples spend 4 months to a year or more taking classes learning about the Sacramental nature of marriage,

Consequently..... Marriage is NOT A HUMAN RIGHT. If it were a human right, anyone could get married to anyone at any time for any reason anywhere and there would be charities providing marriages to people in the street.

Marriage, like love, is a decision. It has the sacred purpose of uniting two into one flesh, no longer are they two, but one. And it is to be total, fruitful, free, and faithful. It is more than a government contract, it is a union between God and man. And not everyone has the right to it. Just as you don't have the right to friendship -- otherwise no one could deny being friends with you (or block you on social media and post nasty comments on your stuff). You don't have the right to express your anger in unhealthy ways. You don't have the right to drugs. You don't have the right to marriage because marriage is not a right. Marriage is a promise, a choice, a commitment, and the foundational piece of the family, the mini-society.

If the state wants to issue marriage certificates to same-sex couples, that is something we have little power over, however, they better be prepared to hand over marriage certificates to that man who wants to marry his dog. The man who wants seven wives. The women who want three more wives. IF the logic is consistent here, in the progressive mind, marriage as a human right is therefore unlimited.

Fulton Sheen says the first time man discovered he could have no limits was when we dropped the bomb on Hiroshima.

So, there is that...

6. The Gay Marriage Movement Has Aided Christians in Many Ways

I have been blessed to know people who struggle with same sex attraction who are willing to share their stories. Who are willing to enter in to a civil dialogue in order that we may better understand one another and our belief systems. I don't know that I would have had this opportunity in the same way were it not for those efforts of those who came out of the closet to share their struggle to be loved and find love. Because this community of people who have same sex attraction is such a minority in numbers, they have often been overlooked or misunderstood, particularly in our faith communities.

I do think, however, that it is awesome that the Catholic Church has had her stance on same sex attraction for years. YEARS. Not recent days. That the Church, while recognizing that the homosexual act itself is incapable of being procreative and thus not a union according to the laws of nature for survival of the species, co-creating life with God, etc, that those with same sex attraction are just as loved as anyone else and should be welcomed into the Church. They are fearfully and wonderfully made. God has a purpose for them and those attractions are not sinful, just the sexual act.

It is not a sin to have same sex attraction.  The Church offers a deep love and union with Christ through ministries like Courage, who support those with same sex attraction who choose to live chastely.

I think the gay marriage debate has also caused us to reflect on our own marriages. Gay marriage has not destroyed traditional marriage. We have done a pretty good job of that ourselves, through contraception - sterilizing the act of marriage, infidelity, pornography addiction, no-fault divorce, cohabitation, etc. Humanae Vitae was quite the prophetic document. Read it sometime! Every single one of those prophesies has come true. The Church doesn't seek to be popular (clearly). The Church seeks to lead people to Heaven. The Church exists to provide us with the physical reality of God in the way the world cannot.

The Church never says you cannot love who you wish to love. In fact, you are supposed to love everyone to the point of laying your own life down for them. You are supposed to love your enemies and those who hate you, because even pagans and hypocrites can love their friends. The call is to love in chastity particular to your state of life. In our oversexed world, it seems impossible to be gay and live without the act of sex. It seems impossible to be single and not at least hook up. It seems impossible to stay married and faithful to the same person until death do you part. It seems impossible to stay away from pornography and porn addiction. It seems impossible to date and not have sex before marriage. However unpopular the position may be, it is our call, and all things are possible with God. This higher call brings a higher level of love and happiness and intimacy than the world that invites us to indulge our every whim.

There are a lot of angry and bitter people walking around who have tried the love without truth approach. There are a lot of angry and bitter people walking around who have tried the truth without love approach. The two go hand in hand and cannot be separated. In Scripture Jesus was the toughest on those who should know better -- the religious leaders -- but were leading people away from Him in the rules and no love approach. The people who really became followers of Christ all the way to the foot of the cross and the seed of the Catholic Church, were sinners who encountered the love of Christ and conformed to His truth.

In conclusion to my fellow Christians...

When I first heard of Rachel Dolezal, I could almost understand why she pretended to be black when she is actually white. Why? Because being white is seen as privileged or you must be racist and is generally very individualistic. As a person who is half white and half Mexican, I prefer the Mexican in me, because the Mexican community is fantastic! There is culture and food and tradition and instant fellowship, and identity, and a sense of belonging. There really isn't much of that in the caucasian/anglo community unless you like sports. But many young people seeking this sense of community and belonging have found it in various social justice movements from Vietnam to Gay Marriage. I have seen so many people, get caught up in the rainbow profile pics who then ask questions about what the ramifications of this decision could be, and want to see lines drawn around marriage so it cannot be a slippery slope including other combinations of unions.

But they don't want to seem unloving by offering an alternative thought or opinion or by NOT changing their profile pic.

Here is the thing...

No one is going to agree with you all of the time no matter what you do or do not stand for.

In the end, who are you trying to please? I am older now and care less about what people think. I guess being a mom does that to you. You do all kinds of embarrassing things as a mom. Like today... I walked through the library shouting my two year old's name because he disappeared. Didn't care what people thought of me.

What I do care about is that even if I am vehemently disagreeing with someone, do they still know and experience that I care about them? 

This is how you show love. Not with hashtags and filters and t-shirts and flags or blogs or statuses or instagrams. You love by your life. Then people who know you don't approve of their choices know that you still love them. And vice versa. Those who disagree with you find you easier to love, because

you have been authentic. 


That is really about it. Live the faith you believe or if you need to discern, ask questions, pray and study.  There is nothing more undesirable to the Lord than luke-warmness. He would prefer you hate Him than to pretend to love Him and refuse to follow Him.

Course, He would rather you love Him and follow Him and trust that He knows you inside and out, knows the desires of your heart, and loves you. YOU. SO. VERY. MUCH.




Prayers and blessings to you all, friends. Fight the good fight and love with all your might.

My Only Duggar Post Ever.

I do not really follow the Duggars. I have seen a few episodes, but having grown up for a period of time in the long skirt wearing, ultra conservative homeschool community, I am familiar enough with the mentalities prevalent in some of these groups that it simultaneously can make me smile and make me cringe. My experience was not nearly so repressive and strict as the communities that the Duggars and others may belong to, but I think it is important to share a few brief points. And just a slight edit - long skirts are great - I merely use the phrase as a generic reference to something commonly associated with these communities. I still have long skirts. ;)

1) At 14, a young person who has not been exposed to computer programs, television, or much of the outside world is MUCH more innocent than the typical 14 year old these days who has had exposure to these things for many years. The Duggars rarely watched tv or used the computer without hefty supervision.

2) In many of these groups sex is seen as beautiful until someone has it outside of marriage, then that person can be (I don't know that this was the case here) judged and shunned and made to feel dirty and ashamed. I am a firm believer that sex is to be reserved for the person you are married to, which is a whole other post, but there can be a lot of guilt and shame associated with sex, rather than the anticipated wait of the hope to be and receive total gift to/of someone else. That two flesh become one, that representation of triune God, that Total, Fruitful, Faithful, Free gift that cannot be reproduced outside of marriage. It is a different perspective from some mega conservatives and from liberal society that Pope John Paul II elaborated on in Theology of the Body -- that our bodies are neither bad nor good, they are holy! They are sacred. Society rejects this leaving us to deal with the consequences of our actions, but also through guilt and shame, religious groups can reject it also.

3) Sex isn't often talked about. We don't need the manuals being passed out in public schools with the variety of activities one could engage in, but we do need an open dialogue guided by the theology of sex, that God made it good. God made you good. And the consequences of abusing it and our own sexuality are very real. We were made for love!

4) Just because someone is famous or celebrity does not entitle one to every skeleton in the closet.


A few things have very much bothered me about the coverage and the response of even well-intentioned people to this latest Duggar burning at the stake scenario.

It is very clear and apparent to me that there is a sick rejoicing when a follower of Christ falls. It is the same sick rejoicing we have when a female celebrity puts on a few pounds. Or a talented athlete fails in marriage or sport. It is a sickness in our own hearts that we must recognize... do you rejoice and love it and shove it in that person`s face when you finally catch a glimpse of their imperfection? Or do you acknowledge your own failings in the process of coming to grips with those of someone else?

There is also a *pick and choose* mentality of what information we will spread and believe to firm up what we believe to be true. I have heard every extreme -- from people saying Josh Duggar is a rapist to his parents covered everything up to he did nothing wrong. None of which, based on actual evidence, holds up to be true. Nothing will excuse his behavior, but nothing will excuse ours either for publicly crucifying a family who worked hard to report, heal, make amends, and rehabilitate. We should be happy that at least so far, it does seem that Josh was a curious 14 year old who crossed the line, expressed remorse, admitted his mistake, and was willing to pay the consequences. And that the family stayed vigilant. But we cannot let it go.... because it is much more fun in that darkness of our hearts to play it up and drag him out to be stoned in the coliseum of public opinion -- not just him, but the girls involved as well.

A brief glance through our own family history should reveal to us a few things...

1) No one is perfect and EVERY family has a secret or two that they would prefer not see the public eye. It doesn't mean anyone is covering up their past or the mistake of a relative, but it does mean that not everyone is entitled to that information. I remember the scandal where a photographer captured a sunbathing, topless Kate Middleton. I thought to myself, How DARE you?!! How DARE you take and pass around that picture. Just because you have that information does not give you the right to share it. People justified it saying... Well, she should not have been sunbathing topless and she should know that she is a celebrity now ---  Not considering the photographer violated her privacy. Whoever leaked this Duggar report to the press did not care about the welfare of the Duggar family... they were looking for money, fame, and to cause scandal. Where is your dignity people... where is your love and self respect?

2) A good parent is incapable of loving a child any less than another. When Josh told his parents what he had done, can you imagine the pain they felt? The pain they felt at having to send him away for a time? The pain at having their children interviewed by police? The pain they felt wondering if their other children would be okay and if Josh would be able to turn things around? It is like people expect that the parents should have sent him off to prison right away. They told the police. They looked at rehabilitation programs which were reported to not be very effective and ultimately decided on a counselor and removal from the house situation. I know in my experience in youth ministry that many programs are NOT very effective. Being around other, influential, and worse offenders is not necessarily the best environment for rehabilitation, particularly when one is trying hard to keep God at the center of that healing process. I truly believe based on the Duggar account, police report, etc, that they did what they thought they needed to do for all of their children. You don't kill the child that is bleeding, you work to help heal that child if you can, and then bring in professionals who can help if you are incapable and the bleeding continues.

3) As far as we know, and this could change, and Josh could change, there is no reason to believe that he hasn't been rehabilitated. He was honest with his wife, before they married. He made amends to those he hurt. What more do you want from this family? If it is indeed true that he has been rehabilitated and not offended again, could we rejoice with them? Because I know many juveniles who do not get rehabilitated who turn into molesters and rapists and pedophiles as adults. Or is it because a family failure has been discovered, we will attack and destroy?  I saw someone raging, literally raging, on the news about Josh preaching that men who identify as women should not use the restroom for women because it could be a danger to women/girls and how he was such a hypocrite. Do you not understand that sometimes our own experiences shape how we form beliefs and opinions? That maybe in his own failures he realized that women do need to be protected from a man who would seek to take advantage of them or even hurt them and violate their space?

Someone else told me that I would feel differently if anything like this ever happened to anyone I know or in my family.

I told them it is dangerous and ignorant to assume that it hasn't.

I think this situation doesn't call us to choose a side -- Duggar or not Duggar. This situation calls us to be human. Which I sure believe we have lost the ability to see the dignity of another these days. The name calling... just add *phobe* to any word and you are then marked with a scarlet letter by which a defense of perspective is pointless. Absolute hate... its smell is so vile particularly on social media that sometimes I just want to run away and live in the woods somewhere.

We should be greatly afraid of our own hatred and darkness in our hearts. If we cannot help but laugh when another falls down, this is not their flaw - it is ours. If we can't wait to report the latest news of someone in pain simply for the lust of information and desire to ride that high and mighty horse, that is our own flaw. And we will soon fall down. And we will cry out to someone for help, but no one will help, they will walk over us and publish our shame for all to see, just as we did.

Please be on guard that you reject the notion that any one of us is perfect and that if we are trying to be holy it is indeed that we are trying. We don't need a Savior because we are perfect. Catholics even go to Confession to admit all of our shortcomings to the Lord in the humility of the Sacrament of Reconciliation! We need a Savior because we need saving.

Jesus fell three times and His journey still led Him to the cross. The Christians I know don't claim to be perfect and many, including myself, publicly share their own struggles to follow Him. Ultimately we know that this means taking up our cross, enduring the mocking, and the dying with Christ. But we trust and we pray because the cross was not the end.

I pray that whether Christian or far from it, we can work on the hardness of our hearts and instead of blasting the secrets and pain of another through social media -- whether friend, foe, celebrity, politician etc,  we could extend a loving and healing hand.

God bless you guys and you are always in my prayers.

Hey, It has been awhile...

I have not blogged lately for a few reasons....

Everything I want to blog about is controversial and frankly, I am all debated out. Some of you are friends with me on Facebook could attest to that.

Lately, I have had a hard time with Social Media giving one the power to speak with authority even though one has no authority in the matter.  Very few people these days actually do any research before they post. One news article from a friend tends to form a staunch opinion, even if that article has no basis in fact, rather, it is the opinion of an "expert". I think we should never, ever take a news article at face value. Not even from the "experts". For example...Back when I did my post on BDSM, I would read things like, "Studies show BDSM is actually good for a relationship." The problem was, when I actually read the studies, they were either not from random samples, poorly constructed, or it appeared the data gathered was purposefully gathered to show a specific result. So, I thought to myself....how could some of these behaviors once considered disordered all of a sudden be healthy? I think I will wait for additional studies to come out. Right now, there really aren't any.

This is not to rehash that debate, but rather to show how we limit our own knowledge by taking someone's word for it, who simply has to state, "studies show..." because many people do not understand what makes a study legitimate and that very few studies are actually conclusive unless there have been extensive studies on that matter, particularly on psychologic and social issues.

Then there is the whole Duggar debate. People have been waiting for them to screw up. They literally hate the Duggars. I briefly debated someone and left with the point that the Duggars, even though you or I may disagree with their point of view on a subject, always treated people with respect. This person sent me "quotes" from an anti-Duggar site that essentially said, "See, Duggars hate gays! They aren't respectful or loving at all!" Good thing I don't just read the headlines because the funny thing is... I listened to all the media sound bytes on the page I was sent and in every single one the Duggars talk about treating those they disagree with with love and respect for their human dignity. It sickens me how they aren't given the same respect. As soon as you say this, people jump all over you, " You are excusing Josh Duggar!! Insert postal rant here. "No. I am not. But can we really say we are innocent in our own actions regarding this latest sensation? Have we not rehashed wounds for those girls and thrown a very private matter into the public eye, victimizing and abusing them with our own gossip, lies, and vitriol?

Social media, your pursuit isn't truth. Your pursuit is scandal. And we eagerly bite the bait every time.

I know I may sound a bit cynical - but I assure you I am not. Rather, I think it is essential to have a healthy skepticism and take the extra time to do some research before forming an opinion. I do not have opinions based on the political party I prefer, which, to be honest, is neither. I do not have opinions based on whatever news comes out about the Vatican. I have opinions that have been formed through investigation! Even when it comes to Church teaching... why does the Church teach this? Let me look and find out rather than automatically disagreeing or even agreeing.  Much of society's ailments we have already been through, historically. There isn't anything new about moral decline. Read Humanae Vitae. Look at history. Through this process, I have come to trust the teaching of the Church. Not because I am a blind sheep, but because I see that just because something is popular doesn't make it true, and doesn't make it free of long-term consequences.

Anyway, this is why I have refrained from blogging lately. I do believe that God is raising saints up in our time to stand up against persecution and moral decline. I do not have the view that the end days are imminent or that God will send His wrath upon us. Though, everyone should be glad I am not God, because I would have had it up to here by now! I have hope. I have hope because God is love and unchanging. The more we live in a gray world, the more we crave something black and white. The gray never leads us anywhere. We can see that in many contexts in our own lives... dieting for example... oh man. Just a few more months till the weight loss blog is back up and running !

So I have hope, that as we prepare to bring another baby into this world, there will be good people in it to continue to live not for society or popularity or social media, but live courageously for Truth, Justice, Love, Peace. I am not scared of bringing this baby into the world. Get ready, world, for this baby, who will be another beautiful witness of the love of God, simply because he or she was formed by His hands.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers as our family grows, as the ministry grows, and as we continue to strive for holiness!

As always, we pray for you, too.

Love, Submission, and BDSM

******************NOT FOR THE YOUNGER READER. ALSO, IF THERE IS A FACT MENTIONED THAT YOU WOULD LIKE A SOURCE FOR, PLEASE MESSAGE ME. I COULD NOT JUSTIFY LINKING TO SOME OF THE RESEARCH DUE TO ITS GRAPHIC CONTENT. MOST OF THE INFORMATION HERE SHOULD BE EASILY VERIFIABLE, BUT IF YOU HAVE TROUBLE LET ME KNOW***************************

I've been inspired to write this blog for awhile, but really, really had to pray to guard my own mind and heart on the research that I knew I would need to do on this article to satisfy my (new) readers! I already had plenty of anecdotal experiences - especially through my national ministry- of the wounds that extreme sexual behavior causes enough to where I could make a few generalizations about the BDSM community, but I needed to go further.

****This is a very delicate subject for some, so please close this out with a quick prayer if you are not able to handle triggers of abuse, rape, violence, etc. I will keep you in my prayers as well. ****

A few important notes to consider: I always write from a spiritual perspective. I write my views from the Catholic standpoint and position regarding the dignity of the human person, our call to love God, and our call to love others. I write from the standpoint that while you or I may vehemently disagree on a point, we can still love one another and find common ground in mutual respect, for the mere fact that we possess dignity and are wonderfully made in the image and likeness of God.

All of that said... Let's get down to business.

Ephesians 5:21-30: Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the Church, he himself the savior of the body. As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed Himself over for her, to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. So also should husbands love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the Church, because we are members of His body. 


You all know the verse. It often makes people's arm hair bristle.  But I would like to kindly suggest that this verse doesn't mean at all what you have previously been led to believe by those seeking to advance their own agendas whether they be toward the liberal or conservative spectrum of things.

The very first line calls us to "be subordinate to each other". Meaning, mutual respect and giving. Paul doesn't stop there, though, he explains further: "Wives should be subordinate" and husbands should "love their wives as Christ loves the Church." 

Women are called to give to and serve their husbands. 

Men are called to give their lives up for their wives. 

They each bear an important role and responsibility to lead their families and one another to Christ. My husband and I often joke about this verse -- he will tell me I need to obey. I will respond, well then you need to die for me!   Each part of the verse refers to total gift of oneself, love, and serving one another. 

Paul then goes on to tell men that they should love their wives as their own bodies. The two become one flesh. Each person gives themselves entirely to the other, receiving the gift of the other person entirely. This is what Paul is talking about - mutual giving, self-sacrifice, and leading each other to Heaven. This is a Trinitarian love. The Trinity is this eternal exchange of love - the Father pours Himself entirely out. The Son receives that gift and gives it back ("To You I Commend My Spirit") and that eternal exchange of love literally is another Person - the Holy Spirit. When a man gives himself to his wife and she receives that gift, giving herself back, that love can become another person, and possibly 9 months later you give that love a name! It is life-giving love whether or not a child is conceived. Total, Faithful, Free, Fruitful. Trinitarian love, the IMAGE AND LIKENESS OF GOD is literally stamped into our bodies and imaged in the family, in that marital love and embrace. This is a glimpse of "Theology of the Body" by St. Pope John Paul II.  Read it!

I bring up this verse simply to set the framework for what is going on in our society today. That the word "submission" is no longer "to give", but to allow various behaviors to be done to you for sexual pleasure.

Enter: 50 Shades of Grey and BDSM.

(I am not going to define BDSM. If you don't know what it means, you're better off not knowing.)

Now, I don't care about the book or the movie. I read excerpts of the book and the writing was so horrendous that I never thought it would turn into the blockbuster it is rapidly becoming.

THAT is what concerns me.

What upsets me is not the erotic language of the book, nor the pornographic nature of the movie, but the normalization of BDSM, and the celebration of a relationship (regardless of BDSM) that is horribly dysfunctional and abusive.

This is NOT normal.

BDSM is NOT normal behavior. People will argue that if it is consensual, it is legitimate. But did you know that, at least right now, consent is not an adequate legal defense?  Even if the bodily harm was not serious, consent is extremely difficult to prove. 

So how did we get here?

Pornography is the springboard, so to speak, for this behavior. Over 88% of pornography contains physical and verbal abuse of women.  The women in the films didn't fight the abuse, they just accepted it. I know women watch porn as well, but in general the vast majority is male on female violence. Even while filming "50 Shades", the actress who plays the character Anastasia actually received whiplash from being thrown so many times during one scene. This is not okay.

Even advocates of BDSM who do workshops in favor of this activity talk about the tendency of BDSM to become over the top violent, the tendency of women to be afraid to say when they are uncomfortable, and the tendency of men to ignore when a woman does state her objections. One advocate wrote an essay entitled, "I Never Called it Rape", talking about how she has been assaulted numerous times within the BDSM community and that the community tended to shame the victims and protect the abusers.

Sexual arousal is good and natural. It's when it becomes the driving force over love in one's interaction with the opposite sex that it becomes a problem. People can be sexually aroused over many things, but those things aren't always good for you. Pornography literally changes the brain. (There are many sites to support this, but www.fightthenewdrug.org is an easy, comprehensive, safe site to navigate.) Deliberately hurting and humiliating another person for the sake of mutual sexual arousal is never okay. It is never respectful. It is never loving. It is self-serving and it is the next fix in a line of pornographic addictions and inability to become aroused without the extreme stimuli. Even if one person "wanted it", I would pray that the other party would have the courage and love to say, "I will not hurt you. I will not abuse your body. I will not call you vulgar names even in role play. I will not subject you to humiliation I will treat you with the utmost respect and tenderness because I love you." The problem is once this Pandora's box of porn and BDSM has been opened, people find it hard to become aroused without the external stimuli. 56% of men have said that their porn tastes have become more extreme. Even the Huffington Post did an article telling men if they want to be off Viagra, they need to give up porn! Like a drug addict, a porn addict (whether male OR female) needs more and more stimulation to retain the high. 

Unfortunately, the studies on BDSM that I could find (whether in favor or against) were extremely limited and poorly conducted -- there is more scientific research on pornography and violence at this point, though I'm sure the research will be out soon on the effects of BDSM on perception of the opposite sex, one's own self awareness, and the ability to bond in love and intimacy without toys or tools. One of the studies I read, in favor of BDSM, actually talked about the post-scene. The research described that the couple "cuddled" after the verbal and physical violence in order to reconnect.

Reconnect?

Sex is supposed to be the ultimate connection and expression of love. In that study, the researcher proves a point - in BDSM we are in a sense removing many of those connections that make sex intimate and instead reduce it to pure erotica, purely carnal. One article I read said, "So, if you're interested in BDSM, you need to decide if you want to do the humiliating or receive the humiliation. You need to decide if you want to abuse, or to be abused."

WHAT.

In other articles, many couples spoke favorably about their communication during their time of BDSM. That sounds positive, right? And actually, the book Holy Sex! by Dr. Gregory Popcak agrees that communication is essential in having a good, holy, intimate, amazing sex life. The problem is, the modeling of good communication in BDSM falls along the lines of, "This is how I am going to hurt you and talk to you, is that okay?" And when it crosses the line, "Stop." Some of the examples of "limits" that people may make that I read on one instructional website (on the same page where it states BDSM is NOT violent!!) included, "No permanent damage" and "no drawing blood."

If it's simply arousal and climax that sex is about, then I suppose we could say a lot of things fall under that.

But if sex is an expression of love, these things are positively unacceptable and, frankly, utterly repulsive. 

The modeling of good communication in Holy Sex is very different. It's, "How can I show you that I love you? I like it when you do this or that."  And other sex/LOVE positive language.

Another pro that BDSM advocates say is that BDSM is all about trust. This is super bizarre to me, because you are "trusting" that your partner is going to hurt or humiliate you in the way that they have stated they would do so. If I was robbed at gunpoint, and the robber said, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot you!" I would certainly trust that if I don't give him all my money, they would shoot me. So, I guess you could say that yes, trust does exist in BDSM relationships (the ones where the limits aren't overstepped, anyway).

In Holy Sex trust is about trusting in your spouse's faithfulness to the relationship. It is in trusting your spouse to keep sacred your vulnerability, your strengths and weaknesses as a whole person, and that what you do is an expression of love. It is in trusting that you will not be an object of lust to your spouse, but that your spouse will love you "as he loves his own body... to nurture and cherish it." It is in trusting that you are enough for him/her and that they don't need to seek the images of another person to satisfy sexual urges, but rather their sexual desire is fulfilled in love and expression of love for you.

If you (are married and) want a great sex life, read Dr. Gregory Popcak's book. He actually also explains the effect of pornography physically on a man, and how to overcome some of those obstacles in the marital relationship for the best experience of sexual intimacy. He explains how a woman may need a man to be more gentle at different times for her own physical comfort. He explains how man and woman can both mutually express their love in enjoyable ways. He also runs a phone counseling service, if you are in a marriage that needs help.

We're not taking the fun out of sex. We're saying no to abuse and degradation. We're saying no to normalizing humiliation and violent behavior. We're saying no to 50 Shades of celebrating an abusive relationship.

I firmly reject the notion that someone who loves me would desire to hurt and humiliate me for sexual pleasure. I will not worship sexual arousal over mutual respect and love and I will not seek that arousal at the expense of hurting or humiliating my husband.

Back to the Scripture verse... In submission, in the Christian sense... we don't submit to whatever behavior someone wants to inflict upon us. We give willingly for the benefit of our love and relationship, leading one another to Christ. The suffering and humiliation Christ endured for us was not self-serving. It was endured for our sake, that we could receive the ultimate and complete gift of Himself, literally poured out on the cross. It was the ultimate giving and expression of love.

That's the kind of love and relationship that lifts up. In the mutual gift of self, that's the relationship I am blessed to have. That my husband loves me in a way that lifts me up, respects my dignity, and gives freely, totally, faithfully and fruitfully -- not in the sense that we have a bunch of kids (only 3 + 1 on the way) - but that our love bears fruit and good things in the world.

Thank you for reading with an open heart. If you want to debate me, I really won't be changing my perspective, but I'd be open to reading any "counter" blog. Due to the graphic nature of the subject, and my need to handle it sensitively due to my younger ministry following, all correspondence regarding this blog must be privately messaged or emailed to me. Thank you and God bless. May your relationships be total, faithful, fruitful, and free. Amen.

Merry Christmas Letter :) Love, McHughs

Wow! What a year!

It's a year I'd rather not repeat in many ways, but also had many blessings. We've had a few health scares within our extended family, a very sick start to the year for our family, and oh yeah.. that pesky old IRS audit.

God has provided though, and all has been beautiful overall. Here are the TOP TEN HIGHLIGHTS of 2014 thus far...

10. We bought our first house. It's so nice to have a place to call our own and fix up the way we like. We've done a lot of work, but there's still a lot left to do! That's my 2015 resolution... finish!

9. The ministry has picked up and is going great! I just recently signed on with One Voice Media as an artist with them and they have been so good and faithful in taking the booking portion over for me. I was up to my ears in all the contracts and emails and paperwork. They have been such a blessing to us! We will be launching my new website just around the corner of 2015... so stay tuned.

8. We ran a mostly successful GoFundMe campaign http://www.gofundme.com/9mm60s   and recorded our first independent CD with Mike Ofca at Innovation Studios! It's just been mastered and now we are working on the CD art and saving up to be able to mass produce the CDs.

7. We started our first year of homeschooling. It's had its ups and downs. I love, love, love teaching the kids and watching them learn and hear them repeat what they've learned and spend time with them. But I have also found... I need a break! I'm going into this next semester with that in mind. More structure and more break for me. Let's just say at my last Confession the priest suggested I need to get away and go to Vegas... haha. :) But we plug away! We'll see how it goes!

6. David's job is going really well. I am so proud at what he has been doing at the parish. It's a really dynamic place and he's had great support from the community here, great team, great staff, great parents, and great teens. This has been a good place for us. I had so many fears, moving to a new place, working at a new parish, pastor changes the first few months, but it's really been good!

5. I got a Lighthouse CD.... that's pretty cool. http://www.lighthousecatholicmedia.org/store/title/getting-others-to-heaven

4. David and his youth group won a video competition and the video was shown to the Pope. That was pretty AMAZING! : ) Just waiting on our invitation to the Vatican...

3. We connected with the website that David and I met on... www.avemariasingles.com and will be partnering in some ministry opportunities with them! Including a past retreat and an upcoming cruise!! My parents will be coming in to watch our kids, so while I will miss them SO MUCH David and I will enjoy the time together to focus on our marriage and help others with their vocation discernment!

2. We won the lottery!! Just kidding. But...

1. We are expecting BABY #4 at the end of July 2015!! So in a way,  we did win the lottery. A lottery of children. ;)  We are happy and excited. (Praying for a girl... can I do that?) :P


MERRY CHRISTMAS! I hope your year has been good and we would love to hear from you!

God bless!! Many prayers for you and yours this blessed week!

I Don't Have to Be Good at That

Sorry for the delay in posting. It's been a busy advent!

Many of you already know that we are expecting our fourth child. The first trimester is really hard for me - I will basically explode in weight gain, feel nauseous 24/7, and have the energy of whatever the opposite of the energizer bunny is. So, just to keep up with regular every day stuff has been a challenge.

I haven't even worked out at all. I had an issue with my foot, then morning sickness hit, and I just can't over-exert myself or I am not a happy camper for the rest of the day. This has led to sort of a depression. I realize it is temporary and I'm thankful for the reason I feel this way - life! But gee whiz, I'm really, really bummed out.

I keep seeing photos on Facebook or articles or blogs on these fantastic Christmas projects, cookies, decorations, etc and I've been feeling like a failure. My gingerbread house with the kids looked like a gingerbread junk yard/shack. Lucia said it was a Christmas spiderweb. I haven't even yet found all our Christmas decorations, much less put them up. I haven't even finished Christmas shopping!

Then I remembered something...

I don't HAVE to be good at any of that stuff.

Let me say it again for my own sake...

I don't HAVE to be good at any of that stuff.

There are so many things I am not good at, that I have to do, but baking an assortment of homemade treats, carefully handcrafting personally made items for gifts, or having the Martha Stewart approved decorative home are not things that I HAVE to be good at. I'd like to be good at some of that stuff for sure, and maybe one year I will really have the energy to go all out....

But this year... this is what I HAVE to be good at...

I have to remember that Christmas "doesn't come from a store, perhaps Christmas....means a little bit more" -- That's from "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" which I've been playing for my kids who also got a little too caught up in the gimmies and "commercial racket" of Christmas (Charlie Brown's Christmas) !

I am thrilled to give my kids presents on Christmas day. Even my husband - I can't wait till he sees what I got for him, because I put so much work into saving up for his gift. I'm excited about that Christmas morning. I'm not saying we shouldn't be excited for those moments or prepare for those moments doing whatever is left that needs to be done.

I just need to throw off the comparison shackles and quit thinking I fail at Christmas because others are so pro at Christmas fun!

I need to remember that Christmas isn't just about giving, it's about being generous. It's about being compassionate. It's about being humble. It's about receiving. Being open to receive... open to letting the joy and love of Christ's coming enter into my home. We sing songs about peace on earth and all that jazz, and yet I find this time of year absolutely chaotic! I need to be good at stepping back from all the things I wish I could do or would do but can't or just don't have time to do, and take a breath... and smile. And be a person that understands peace is in the stillness.

I need to follow the star in my own life, instead of chasing the traditions or activities that I feel I am "supposed" to partake in.

That night long ago... no carols... no parties... no jingle bells... just that quiet night where there shone a bright star in the sky. And all were filled with wonder and awe, rejoicing... Unto us a Child is born, A Savior, Christ the King.

Come, let us adore Him.

PS. Christmas cards will be late.

;)