Racism, Hatred, Peace, Justice

I am someone that loves to stay up on current events.

I am also someone that loves to try to see things from different angles. I feel that this ultimately makes my own convictions stronger and also helps me keep an open mind to where I need to reevaluate my own position, always, always through the lens of love, faith, and striving for sanctity.

As I've been watching the events unfold in Ferguson, Missouri, my initial reaction was, like many, to pronounce judgement. How could that white officer just shoot and kill that young black man? He was just a kid. My heart was filled with sorrow.

But I never like to jump on the social media bandwagon, no matter what the issue is.

I have seen the reaction of media, Catholic leaders, speakers, musicians, friends, strangers, etc.

I have seen people say that you can't have an opinion on this that isn't 100% against Officer Wilson if you are white.

People... no matter your race, if you see things in the lens of black and white races, you will never see things through the eyes of Christ.

I reeled back from the vehemently hateful and angry responses, the vitriol which surprised me, spewing out of the mouths of people whose knowledge of the case comes from headlines and social media. I did my own research and I realized...

You know what... we need to take a breath. And we need to be patient. We need to wait for the investigation before we hang the officer for his crime, error in judgement, murder, self-defense, whatever it may have been, in his mind, at that time.

Before anyone feels the urge to slam me, please finish reading.

I am not a racist. My father is Mexican, my mother is Anglo, my sisters are Hispanic, African American, and Caucasian. My father in law is Italian and Irish and my mother in law is Puerto Rican. My family is a rainbow. We are all different religions, different socio-economic backgrounds, etc. I consider myself very open minded. Every summer was spent in inner city Memphis in the projects working with the Missionary Sisters of Charity. I stand by my beliefs in what is morally right or wrong, but I am actively trying to see past where we are different and try to see the human dignity in every person.

I do this because I have realized a tendency in myself -- which I have worked so hard to overcome, with incredible help from my holy husband -- to let anger turn into hatred.

This is how our hearts are hardened...

Someone has wronged you. You are angry, rightly so. Everyone tells you that you have a right to be angry. You keep talking about it, reliving it. You are unwilling to forgive until reparation is made. You hold onto the anger like you will lose your passion for justice if you let it go. You feed it with other people's anger. The anger becomes harder and more intense. It grows and occupies most of your thoughts throughout the day. You become filled with hate. You start to view others with suspicion. If anyone doesn't affirm your righteous anger, you see them as an enemy. The anger builds until it becomes how you see the world. A world not filled with love and hope, but desolation and destruction.

It destroys you.

This is what is happening in Ferguson. And this is happening to those of us who have already cast the stone at Officer Wilson's feet.

Here's the unfortunate thing... you seek justice, but will never find peace.

Luke 6:34-35 "If you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners in order to receive back the same amount. 35"But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men. 36"Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

I do not know what happened that night and to assume so would be fairly foolish.

"What is your source?" 

"Uh, the nightly news, YouTube, and Twitter." 

"Were you an eyewitness?"

 "No, but I saw some video footage on Fox AND MSNBC, so it must be true." 

"Do you know Officer Wilson personally?"

"No, but he's a white man and white policemen are known to be racist."

"Do you know Michael Brown personally?"

"No, but he was college bound."

While it may seem clear to some that this case is cut and dried, I challenge you to wait for the details. The more you are convicted without investigation, the less you are open to truth. 

I have experienced racism. My family has experienced racism. I have experienced sexism. I have experienced ageism. I have experienced discrimination based on the fact that I am Catholic. Other Christian churches practically put the scarlet letter on me when someone comes up to ask if I would speak at their church and then discover I am Catholic. Discrimination and Racism are realities of the world we live in, because people are more comfortable with people who are more like them. It's not just a white issue. It's a... being human issue. 

Those filling their social media with hateful proclamations of racism and judgement are guilty of doing the same thing they claim Officer Wilson did -- rushing to attack. 

One of the most beautiful responses I saw to this entire thing was a girl who was in my small group at a youth retreat awhile ago. She is now a young, married mother. A black woman who serves our country in the US Army. This is part of what she said: 

I know the world is crazy and lost its mind but my friends.. Please stop blaming "white folks" my father, the man on my birth certificate, that I knew up until 12...a white man. My maiden name is from a white man. I went to an all white school, when I graduated and when into the army a white family took me in. My daughter recognizes a white man and white woman as grandparents.. Let's not forget to mention.. My "white" education was supported by my black mother...and Im adopted.. So that white man and black woman TOGETHER chose me and my black brother... But I bet you wouldn't know it by looking at me...... Humans are humans you cannot blame corruption and sin on white people or color just because they are the ones the media chooses to highlight. 

I know this girl, and when she speaks out, she is speaking out with the intent and desire to love people more deeply regardless of race, sin, sex, creed, corruption. Her words in seeking justice are out of love. 

Please, especially those who have lots of influence by your position in society, the Church, school, etc. Please reevaluate how you have been reacting to this tragic situation, from one of anger and hatred, to one of mercy and love. Come together and pray for Michael Brown and Officer Wilson. Come and pray and work so that there doesn't have to be so much tension between people and police, white and black, Mexican, Catholic, Protestant, Atheist, etc. 

Pray for humility. Pray to see people as Jesus sees them. Ask for help to forgive. Pray to love people as Jesus loves them. Love the people in your life, forgive the people in your life. Pray to be a person of peace. 

There are no saints that withheld forgiveness, going to their death in an angry tirade for justice, taunting their persecutors. Passionate for justice truly means passionate for peace, love, and mercy. 

Love and mercy have to be regular disciplines of His disciples. And that's hardcore. Way harder than throwing a brick into a store window, yelling and screaming about injustice, and sending Officer Wilson to his own death. 

It will never help a heart to repent or to love you. 

It has a greater chance of making them hate you. 

It will never help you to love, but only increase your own hatred. 

I, myself, have been praying for my own areas in life that I need to forgive and let go of anger, so believe me, this is a journey we are all on together. 

I am still recovering from the anger in my previous blog... 

My whole body was tense, knots in my stomach, sleepless nights. While I have every right to be angry and believe me, this fight for advocacy for adequate mental health treatment that is not dictated by insurance companies and hospital policies over people isn't over... I realize I need to take a breath, focus, and figure out what I can do. What I CAN DO. Not just a general rant of "what should be done" but what I myself, with the connections that I have, the gifts that I have, the ministry that I have, am capable of doing. 

I already am working on it, friends. Please pray for me too. 

I'm not asking anyone to give up the fight for justice. I am asking you to understand what justice, through the eyes of faith really is. And it is framed in love and peace. Not hatred and division. 

Praying for Ferguson. Praying for my friends who are truly hurting because of this tragedy. 

Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy.

O, Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love; For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; it is in dying that we are born again to eternal life.

What the Heck are You Waiting For?

My two year old daughter is very perceptive. She is extremely in tune to people's feelings and makes observations that amaze me for someone so young. 

The other day, I was on my computer and she asked if I would get her something to drink. I mindlessly said, "Sure honey, just a minute." 

She said, "Just a minute? But Mom, why? What are you waiting for?" 

I think the Holy Spirit took over my child's mouth and spoke those words to my heart. HA! 

Seriously!!! What are you waiting for??

I've been praying strongly for various people in my life to open their hearts to the Lord and His love and mercy for them. There are many paths that people take in pursuit of Truth, but I think if we are honest, many of those paths are seeking a truth that conforms to our lives. We don't often honestly seek a truth that we conform ourselves to...

Logically, this makes no sense. I know people constantly switching from one religion to another because they disagreed with a teaching or didn't believe x, y, or z should be considered wrong and thus make them feel guilty. Guilt = bad, nowadays. I completely disagree with that notion.. guilt means we have a conscience and are sensitive to the fact that perhaps our poor decisions or actions have affected someone else. 

But I digress...

If we want to become a better version of ourselves, as Matthew Kelly would say, we have to aspire to change and mold and conform ourselves to something better. 

For example... when I do a Jillian Michael's fitness video, I think... DANG, those girls are ripped! I would like to be in that kind of shape someday. A person who looked and could exercise just like me in my own abilities would indeed be less inspiring to me to want to work out - because I've reached that point already. 

I want to be better. Human nature longs for improvement - this is why we read, learn, exercise, take music lessons, go that extra mile, try to be more patient, etc. But we can't improve in something we've already achieved... so when we look for religion to conform to our lives, requiring no change on our part, we will find ourselves greatly unsatisfied. 

I think pursuit of Truth really comes down to two things we ought to strive for: Love and Mercy. How can I love more deeply? How can I forgive more sincerely? How can I die to myself and my selfish desires in this moment? How can I let these things that bother me go? 

Can you do this outside of a religion? Sure. But who is holding you accountable? Who is setting your standard of holiness? Who inspires you to be greater than you are? 

Pope Francis has inspired millions of Catholics and non-Catholics alike by his example and witness to what it is to conform your life to Christ. He's not inspirational because he's the Pope. He's not inspirational because of his personality. He's inspirational because he is trying to be more like Christ! I know so many people in my life who inspire me on a daily basis by their great love and mercy. Who they are and their amazing, genuine, unselfish contribution to the world is made manifest because they have tried to conform their life to Someone greater. 

We all have our individual pursuits of Truth. I've wandered around seeking... my husband as wandered around seeking... we all have, even if we consider ourselves faithful to one religion or no religion. But I think we have to really be honest and ask... are we seeking to stay the same, unchanged, and find something that pacifies us and our lifestyles? Or are we seeking to move and grow and be challenged to change? 

And if we are seeking to be challenged to change, then what are we waiting for? Why are we waiting to be who we say we are or be who we want to be? Why are we waiting for someone to invite us? Why are we waiting for a sign in the sky? 

Why can't we follow, instead, the promptings of our hearts? 

Prayers tonight for all on their journey. Amen.