Racism, Hatred, Peace, Justice

I am someone that loves to stay up on current events.

I am also someone that loves to try to see things from different angles. I feel that this ultimately makes my own convictions stronger and also helps me keep an open mind to where I need to reevaluate my own position, always, always through the lens of love, faith, and striving for sanctity.

As I've been watching the events unfold in Ferguson, Missouri, my initial reaction was, like many, to pronounce judgement. How could that white officer just shoot and kill that young black man? He was just a kid. My heart was filled with sorrow.

But I never like to jump on the social media bandwagon, no matter what the issue is.

I have seen the reaction of media, Catholic leaders, speakers, musicians, friends, strangers, etc.

I have seen people say that you can't have an opinion on this that isn't 100% against Officer Wilson if you are white.

People... no matter your race, if you see things in the lens of black and white races, you will never see things through the eyes of Christ.

I reeled back from the vehemently hateful and angry responses, the vitriol which surprised me, spewing out of the mouths of people whose knowledge of the case comes from headlines and social media. I did my own research and I realized...

You know what... we need to take a breath. And we need to be patient. We need to wait for the investigation before we hang the officer for his crime, error in judgement, murder, self-defense, whatever it may have been, in his mind, at that time.

Before anyone feels the urge to slam me, please finish reading.

I am not a racist. My father is Mexican, my mother is Anglo, my sisters are Hispanic, African American, and Caucasian. My father in law is Italian and Irish and my mother in law is Puerto Rican. My family is a rainbow. We are all different religions, different socio-economic backgrounds, etc. I consider myself very open minded. Every summer was spent in inner city Memphis in the projects working with the Missionary Sisters of Charity. I stand by my beliefs in what is morally right or wrong, but I am actively trying to see past where we are different and try to see the human dignity in every person.

I do this because I have realized a tendency in myself -- which I have worked so hard to overcome, with incredible help from my holy husband -- to let anger turn into hatred.

This is how our hearts are hardened...

Someone has wronged you. You are angry, rightly so. Everyone tells you that you have a right to be angry. You keep talking about it, reliving it. You are unwilling to forgive until reparation is made. You hold onto the anger like you will lose your passion for justice if you let it go. You feed it with other people's anger. The anger becomes harder and more intense. It grows and occupies most of your thoughts throughout the day. You become filled with hate. You start to view others with suspicion. If anyone doesn't affirm your righteous anger, you see them as an enemy. The anger builds until it becomes how you see the world. A world not filled with love and hope, but desolation and destruction.

It destroys you.

This is what is happening in Ferguson. And this is happening to those of us who have already cast the stone at Officer Wilson's feet.

Here's the unfortunate thing... you seek justice, but will never find peace.

Luke 6:34-35 "If you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners in order to receive back the same amount. 35"But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men. 36"Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

I do not know what happened that night and to assume so would be fairly foolish.

"What is your source?" 

"Uh, the nightly news, YouTube, and Twitter." 

"Were you an eyewitness?"

 "No, but I saw some video footage on Fox AND MSNBC, so it must be true." 

"Do you know Officer Wilson personally?"

"No, but he's a white man and white policemen are known to be racist."

"Do you know Michael Brown personally?"

"No, but he was college bound."

While it may seem clear to some that this case is cut and dried, I challenge you to wait for the details. The more you are convicted without investigation, the less you are open to truth. 

I have experienced racism. My family has experienced racism. I have experienced sexism. I have experienced ageism. I have experienced discrimination based on the fact that I am Catholic. Other Christian churches practically put the scarlet letter on me when someone comes up to ask if I would speak at their church and then discover I am Catholic. Discrimination and Racism are realities of the world we live in, because people are more comfortable with people who are more like them. It's not just a white issue. It's a... being human issue. 

Those filling their social media with hateful proclamations of racism and judgement are guilty of doing the same thing they claim Officer Wilson did -- rushing to attack. 

One of the most beautiful responses I saw to this entire thing was a girl who was in my small group at a youth retreat awhile ago. She is now a young, married mother. A black woman who serves our country in the US Army. This is part of what she said: 

I know the world is crazy and lost its mind but my friends.. Please stop blaming "white folks" my father, the man on my birth certificate, that I knew up until 12...a white man. My maiden name is from a white man. I went to an all white school, when I graduated and when into the army a white family took me in. My daughter recognizes a white man and white woman as grandparents.. Let's not forget to mention.. My "white" education was supported by my black mother...and Im adopted.. So that white man and black woman TOGETHER chose me and my black brother... But I bet you wouldn't know it by looking at me...... Humans are humans you cannot blame corruption and sin on white people or color just because they are the ones the media chooses to highlight. 

I know this girl, and when she speaks out, she is speaking out with the intent and desire to love people more deeply regardless of race, sin, sex, creed, corruption. Her words in seeking justice are out of love. 

Please, especially those who have lots of influence by your position in society, the Church, school, etc. Please reevaluate how you have been reacting to this tragic situation, from one of anger and hatred, to one of mercy and love. Come together and pray for Michael Brown and Officer Wilson. Come and pray and work so that there doesn't have to be so much tension between people and police, white and black, Mexican, Catholic, Protestant, Atheist, etc. 

Pray for humility. Pray to see people as Jesus sees them. Ask for help to forgive. Pray to love people as Jesus loves them. Love the people in your life, forgive the people in your life. Pray to be a person of peace. 

There are no saints that withheld forgiveness, going to their death in an angry tirade for justice, taunting their persecutors. Passionate for justice truly means passionate for peace, love, and mercy. 

Love and mercy have to be regular disciplines of His disciples. And that's hardcore. Way harder than throwing a brick into a store window, yelling and screaming about injustice, and sending Officer Wilson to his own death. 

It will never help a heart to repent or to love you. 

It has a greater chance of making them hate you. 

It will never help you to love, but only increase your own hatred. 

I, myself, have been praying for my own areas in life that I need to forgive and let go of anger, so believe me, this is a journey we are all on together. 

I am still recovering from the anger in my previous blog... 

My whole body was tense, knots in my stomach, sleepless nights. While I have every right to be angry and believe me, this fight for advocacy for adequate mental health treatment that is not dictated by insurance companies and hospital policies over people isn't over... I realize I need to take a breath, focus, and figure out what I can do. What I CAN DO. Not just a general rant of "what should be done" but what I myself, with the connections that I have, the gifts that I have, the ministry that I have, am capable of doing. 

I already am working on it, friends. Please pray for me too. 

I'm not asking anyone to give up the fight for justice. I am asking you to understand what justice, through the eyes of faith really is. And it is framed in love and peace. Not hatred and division. 

Praying for Ferguson. Praying for my friends who are truly hurting because of this tragedy. 

Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy.

O, Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love; For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; it is in dying that we are born again to eternal life.

The Breakdown of Humanity on Facebook

Sigh.

My heart broke again today as I learned that Zelda, Robin Williams' daughter, was run off from her social media accounts due to the harassment and negative messages she was receiving from others. It is absolutely unacceptable that she should receive anything at all other than love and support. What the heck is wrong with people?

Then I see this video in which a Pastor calls out those rioting in the streets of Ferguson, Missouri and the African American leaders who show up for the press conferences, but then disassociate themselves from their own communities. While the Pastor is addressing exclusively the African American community in his message, I can't help but feel that his message is one that applies to all of us. If you watch the video, it's intense, but you'll understand. Don't think that message just applies to one group of people - it applies to all of us.

You see, social media, in my opinion, has led to the breakdown in respect for all authority. Social media makes you a leader without earning it. How many friends or followers we have gives us this false sense of authority and leadership. You gain followers, friends, and likes -- for what? Posting a duck-face selfie? I'm not opposed to duck faced selfies, I just can't pull it off.

In fact, when I take a photo, I delete it if I wouldn't put it on Facebook.

Remember when you took pictures and what you got is what you got? I have practically a whole envelope of pictures from Myrtle Beach with my thumb in each photo.

The opposite is also true. No likes equates with no one likes me or cares about me. No event invitations means no one wants me. It becomes a deeply felt rejection. No likes on my photo means I'm ugly.

Social media has also given us a platform to post our expert opinions regardless of whether or not we are experts in the matter. This has led us to unprecedented narcissism on a mass scale. How many likes we get equates with how right we are. I remember being in a debate once - a friendly exchange, but nonetheless a debate - and those who were reading our comments were "liking" the comment they agreed with. If the other person had more likes than I did, I felt in some way I had lost the argument. If I had more likes, I equated it with victory!

This. Is. Insane!!!!!

In every hot topic issue these days, all of a sudden EVERYONE is an expert. Our experiences all of a sudden are scientific data. Our feelings equate with truth and no one can sift through to find the flaws in our logic or statements because this is "our" Facebook page and we will just delete your comments or unfriend you. *Not me, I am speaking in general. I've only ever unfriended a couple of people and it wasn't because they disagreed with me, it was because of harassment.* I welcome friendly disagreements and intellectual debates. The unfortunate thing is that nowadays our only research to form opinions seems to rest entirely on what "most people" believe. Very few have a conviction that they stand by - as soon as everyone starts changing their profile picture, they jump on the bandwagon even if they have no idea what it means!  At one point, "most people" believed the earth was flat. Popular opinion is not always right, and in fact given the recent mass hysteria we have seen in so many news stories of late, we can see it is often wrong. People react, then defend their feelings on the matter, then maybe, maybe do some research. We have seen a total breakdown in critical thinking.

We conduct ourselves in the most asinine ways on social media sometimes. People have the guts, carelessness, motivation, impulsiveness, drive, whatever it's called, to say things in a manner that they would never say face to face. Sometimes it is in the name of "truth". Sometimes it is in the name of religion or creed. Sometimes it is meant to genuinely enlighten someone, but because of the venom with which it is written it can't be seriously taken. And don't get me started on the passive aggressive postings which are posted with enough ambiguity to let us feel innocent of calling someone out, but enough bait to draw them in and tick them off.

OY.

So.....

I didn't write this post just to spew a bunch of venomous feelings and opinions and duck faced selfies.

I am writing this post to challenge us to take our message to the streets, in essence. Get out from behind our social media faces and actually be real friends with real people.

Our son embarrassed us today by yelling out "That lady is SCARY!". "That Lady" was within earshot and we immediately shushed him and explained that we don't say those things about people.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because that lady is God's kid."

That person that is really saying some inciteful, not insightful, things is God's kid.

That person who is posting their love for everything you deem wrong in the world, is God's kid.

That person who annoys you in real life and virtual life, is God's kid.

Instead of talking about what's wrong with the world, let's BE what is right in the world. Like the Pastor in the video above said... WE have to change US.

Rather than try to convince someone that he or she is wrong on a subject, let's start practicing charity. Let's ask ourselves, would I say this, in this way, to this person if they were standing right in front of me? And if it gets heated, as the Pastor says, HUMBLE thyself, and back down.

And please don't say, "I'll pray for you."

Just do it.

Then you can giggle sneakily and say, "Hehehe, I prayed for that person and they didn't even know it!"

Especially if you profess to love the Lord, let your truths be laced in virtue. God is love. Sure, He turned over tables. But He also loved people - not the fluffy everything-you-do-is-great-you're-so-great kind of love, but the love that caused people to change because with all their hearts they wanted the kind of love that loved them where they were at, but challenged them to be better. I'm not advocating tolerance. Tolerance is the inadequate substitute for love and often very much the opposite. Tolerance says, just do your thing, I don't care, you can't strive for more or better. Love says you are worth so much and while I may not agree with you or your choices, I have the utmost care for you as a child of God.

Emotional posts from someone who is just really praying for more love in this broken-hearted world.

Love you all,
Noelle

Top Ten Catholic Online Dating Suggestions

I just got home from a wonderful experience speaking and leading music at the Ave Maria Singles Retreat. It was truly an inspired and fantastic time getting to know so many unique, professional, and FUN people!

Many of you may know that David and I met via AveMariaSingles.com. David's first message said: So I can see by your profile that you can't cook... so I guess if it works out between us, we'll probably starve.

I didn't immediately respond to his message because he lived in Massachusetts and I was living in Michigan at the time, but something kept drawing me back to his profile -- we had so much in common -- so I decided.. what the heck... I'll shoot him a message. I was hooked. He was funny, flirty, holy. After a week, he called me. After two months of talking for hours every day, he came to visit. After seven months worth of visits, he came to live in Michigan. After seven months of living across the street from one another he proposed! Six months later, we married! 

David proposed to me during Adoration. He said, "I want to be a better man for you. I want to lead you to Heaven. Will you marry me?" Of course, I said, "YES!"

 This is when David messed up my name during our vows, calling me "Elena Noelle" instead of "Noelle Elena" and we could not stop laughing. 

 Our first dance was to "Earth Angel" and then "Angel" by Shaggy -- thanks to John Angotti for his amazing music at our reception, and to Podesta Imaging for photo cred! 

 

Almost five years later, we have three beautiful children ages (almost) 4, 2, and 1! 

________________________________________________

Now, a few things we have learned and some things that I learned at the retreat I attended this weekend. (If you've been out of the dating scene for awhile or just aren't sure what you are looking for in a man or woman, I recommend a singles retreat simply for the practice of meeting people and conversing. I almost felt like a social butterfly because it was so much fun to sit and chat with a bunch of people who were just as interested in meeting you as you were in getting to know them!) 

I've narrowed my dating advice, or really more like.. suggestions, to ten things:

1) Don't mass message or email a bunch of people. 

A generic email is less interesting than a personalized email addressed specifically to you. It shows personal interest, not desperation to find someone -- anyone. It also helps you to stick to your standards and not settle for just the person quickest to respond. I received many generic emails that asked questions that really I had already answered in my profile - so I could tell they hadn't read my profile!

2) Don't get too personal right away. 

One person I had met basically stated in his profile that he was once a womanizer or drunkard but now had seen the light. Eh... that's a bit too personal. Immediately, I jumped to being skeptical of this person's character. Someone else may have interpreted it as simply being honest and forthright, but if we let people see our deepest personal information right away, it can also take the fun out of getting to know someone and building an intimate relationship with that person. There are some things that everyone can know... like what kinds of sports we like to watch or what we like to eat, but then there are some things that should be left for our intimate, close friends and relationships like our deepest hope and dreams. 

3) Don't wait too long to meet. 

David and I really had a pretty short courtship compared to some of our other friends. We married about two years from our first meeting. Before we met, we had spent about two months talking on the phone to one another for hours -- literally hours -- every day! We had developed a relationship with one another over the phone and had an idea of what the other person was like, but when we first met, it was like we had to start all over again! The first day we met was really awkward! We just kind of stared at each other, because we realized that the comfort we had developed on the phone now had to develop in person and that the relationship was in many ways starting from scratch.  We had to see if we had chemistry together, if we could work with one another's quirks, and even if we could play music together! If we had waited longer, it would have been harder to use our rational thinking to determine that this relationship was really something we wanted to continue, because we would have been in love with the fantasy person with whom we had been communicating over the phone. 

4) Men, pursue!

There were some wonderful men and women on the Ave Maria Singles retreat and I couldn't believe they were single! Fabulous, intelligent, professional, attractive men and women who are hoping and praying for their future spouses. One of the things I LOVED about David was he was the first guy that really pursued me and initiated in our relationship. He called. I never had to. He emailed. He held the door. He paid for dates. He came up with dates. He asserted himself in crowds and introduced himself. He asked me to dance (even though we are horrible, horrible dancers). He asked me to pray with him. I loved that. All of this made me feel like I could settle into my role as woman and let him take care of me. There was a wonderful security in his pursuit. 

5) Women, be kind! 

At the Ave Maria Singles retreat, a few men told me that they would like to pursue women, but they are anxious because women have been cruel to them in the past. That broke my heart. Women... we don't need to be cruel. A simple "I'm flattered, but I'm sorry, no, thank you, I'm not interested in dating you at this time" should suffice. Responding any other way is not only hurtful to the men who try to find the courage to ask us out, but it is also extremely unbecoming to who we are as women. 

6) Pray together

When I first suggested reciting a prayer that I had found a couple weeks into our hourly phone calls, David told me that he wasn't sure if by praying together we would create a level of intimacy that we weren't ready for yet. He called me back shortly after consulting a fantastic spiritual advisor of his and said, "I was so crazy! If this is or isn't going to go anywhere, the Lord needs to be part of this! Let's pray!" Praying doesn't mean that the relationship is going to magically work out, but it does mean an openness to the Lord's will and desiring the relationship be centered on Christ. When we are centered on Christ, we can love one another the way Christ loves - beyond the feelings and into loving one another in spite of and despite of our flaws. 

7) Vocation is a calling but love is a choice. 

You may be called to marriage, but you are free to choose who you will enter that Covenant with -- and hopefully it will be a great choice! Love is a choice -- it is a decision, not a feeling. When we are in a relationship that isn't good for us, we say it is hard to walk away because we are in love with that person. The distinction is: We can choose to love someone or not to love someone, while we still may have feelings, attachment, and attraction to that person. This is important to note, because when the romantic feelings are gone during the day to day grind, after having kids, big arguments over petty things, big arguments over bigger things... we can still freely choose to love that person, and that makes our love and that relationship all the more meaningful due to our exercise of free will to love even when we or our significant other is being unlovable and it is sacrificial in nature! 

8) Be open to relocation.

My friend Rose Ferguson, President of Ave Maria Trips  made an intriguing observation... People who sign up for AveMariaSingles.com  choose to do so because they haven't met anyone they want to date in their current social circles, but they sometimes say they they are unwilling to relocate. This could be a potential problem if a relationship is built and neither person wants to move. The relationship then enters a standstill and "If you really loved me, you'd move" becomes the modus operandi and, in a way, a very real truth. If love is sacrificial and neither person is willing to budge on moving, then is it really love? I don't know... that would definitely need some major discerning!! David and I, once the relationship was established after meeting in person, were both open to moving. We had to trust, though, that the Lord would take care of us and we kept Him as the center so that we could have peace about whatever decision was made. David ultimately moved to Michigan simply because that's where a door opened. If he didn't find a job, I would have looked for jobs in his neck of the woods. 

9) Romance is amazing over long distance relationships, but takes work. 

Butterflies. All I ever had throughout the whole time David and I were dating was butterflies! He bought me flowers, earrings, made postcards with little drawings of us, and sent me at least one thoughtful text everyday. We played Scrabble online together and corresponded via snail mail, too! We worked hard to maintain our long distance relationship. We saved money for travel. We took pictures and printed them out and FRAMED them! I still have all the little notes and photos we shared during our time of long distance dating. We let the other person know they were always on our mind, hearts, and in our prayers! This is so, so important, because especially when you are not face to face, it would be easy for the other person to feel neglected or unloved by an absence of note or phone call. We had to build trust also - that the other person isn't secretly dating someone on the side - so we made sure to let the other know what we were doing, where we were, and who we were hanging out with. We called each other on typical "date" nights like Friday and Saturday just to let the other person know that they were our date for the evening despite the long distance!

David made this for me and sent it via snail mail. It says, "I hope that someday the distance between us will disappear forever."

10) Patience but Prudence

Meeting people online takes a lot of patience. Often, you can tell by the first or second date if someone is right for you or not, but when you meet online, that process can take a bit longer. There may be chemistry online, but not in person. The person may sound one way over their profile, but not live up to that reality in person. They may say they love working out, for example, but maybe they enjoy working out but never actually do it! They may say they love children, but never indicate that they'd rather not have any of their own. The list can go on. If you feel the Lord has called you to pursue finding someone online, don't expect the first contact to go anywhere. I and many people I know who have dabbled in the online dating site world have had many bad dates/bad communications, but the point is that the Lord will lead you through those experiences to refine yourself, your interaction with others, and help you see what you do and do not want in a spouse! 

Make sure, too, that you are ready for a serious relationship. Do you have past sins that need to be confessed? Do you have serious debt that you would bring into a relationship? Do you have unresolved issues with previous relationships or relationship experiences? Do you carry around bitterness and hatred towards an ex that will affect your relationship with someone new? Do you need to live life on your own for awhile, find a good job, get an education first? Do you need to work on your relationship with the Lord first? Many of those issues applied to me! When I was praying about my future spouse, the Lord told me, "You're not ready yet." When David was praying about his future spouse, the Lord told him, "She's not ready yet." 

Be patient, but be prudent in your pursuit of a spouse. 

May the Lord come first in your life! Smile more, pray more, heal, and forgive so you can love more! 

God bless!

Many prayers for all of your vocations!! 

He IS Loving You Through This

"I Praise You for I am Wonderfully Made"

This is my most requested talk. The story of my testimony from cutting and suicidal thoughts because of my low self-esteem... to national speaking and music ministry stemming from a moment in time where I realized God's incredible, amazing, awesome, inexhaustible love for me. 

See... I used to cut because I hated myself. I hated that God didn't make me beautiful.  It's true. By all societal and physical standards, I was not beautiful. I was overweight, had braces/crooked teeth, dressed sloppily (in part because I hated my appearance anyway), had bad acne, etc. I felt my whole life revolved around my being ugly. I was shy. I was jealous of my younger siblings and the attention they got - I'm the oldest - and I didn't have really any close friends. 

I used to cut, because I used to hurt. 

That emotional pain was a struggle. I stayed up late and I slept late. I napped after lunch. I was lazy. I over ate. I just didn't care about life and didn't feel like I had a purpose in this life. 

I attended a retreat when I was about fifteen that changed nothing yet changed everything. In this retreat Doug Barry from Radix did a one man Passion Play where he described and acted out the Passion. He described every graphic, bloody detail of the death of our Lord in a way that I had never really heard or even understood before. I never knew the pain and humiliation He went through for me. More than that, I never knew the desperation He felt for my soul. 

Hearing this for the first time, and experiencing worship in Adoration for the first time, rocked me to the core. It was undeniable that my Savior loves me. 

And that is enough. 

That was enough for me to stop cutting and to start healing and loving God, loving myself, and loving others. 

I didn't change right away. Some things changed pretty slowly - like getting my braces off! - and some things didn't change - like battling insecurity, but I am worlds away from the person I used to be, because I've learned to turn to the Lord in these difficult moments where I am struggling to love others, myself, or even Him. 

This past year has been extremely difficult, but I know I can't complain too much. So many people have it harder than I do. We have, however, been very blessed in spite of the challenges. 

Still... some days, it was hard to get out of bed. Not because I was depressed, but because I knew the day was full of many difficult things to do and many things that I felt I just couldn't handle. I didn't want to face the pile of things that had to be done. 

One moment. 

One moment, one moment with Christ changed my life. 

One moment is powerful!!!!! It is a point in time which can never be repeated. 

During these past few weeks, months... through every hurdle I faced, my marriage faced, or my family faced.. I just took one moment to say, "Help me Jesus. I trust You."

Even if I struggled with the words... 

And I got out of bed. 

Those times when we feel we can't face the day. It starts with taking a moment - just one moment - to ask for help. We can't stop there... we have to get up. Take that first step out of bed, out of the boat, out of the house, wherever...

We have to keep going. 

God will provide what we need and He WILL love us through each moment of the day. That love is our fire and our fuel! 

My instinct even now is not always to turn to God during a difficult time... first I need to call someone, y'all! 

I need to talk all about it and ask for advice. My husband is great at asking me, "Did you pray about this?" That sometimes makes me angry. :) But it's true... praying - really praying, not laying it all out there, talking the whole time, thinking the whole time, and coming away from "prayer" with just as much turmoil in my heart...but really praying. Just saying, "Lord, You know what I need." And listen. Surrender. 

Sometimes I imagine sitting at Jesus' feet and laying down, physically, each person or intention or worry or fear that I have at His feet. There is freedom. 

You know, though, one of the most awesome things is God isn't like that annoying boyfriend that you constantly have to call or text or you never hear from them... (Not that I have one of those anymore! )... He is just as eager to communicate with you as you are with Him. He pursues you. He pursues me. You don't have to believe me. He proved it before you even existed. 

Anyway... I really felt inspired to write this tonight. If you know someone who is hurting and needs a little encouragement, please share this blog or your own faith story!

I pray that the eyes that these words are meant for may experience the amazing love of God and come to know Him more deeply -- not out of religious obligation, but out of the desire for the relationship that will change your life forever. :)

Love. :) 

What the Heck are You Waiting For?

My two year old daughter is very perceptive. She is extremely in tune to people's feelings and makes observations that amaze me for someone so young. 

The other day, I was on my computer and she asked if I would get her something to drink. I mindlessly said, "Sure honey, just a minute." 

She said, "Just a minute? But Mom, why? What are you waiting for?" 

I think the Holy Spirit took over my child's mouth and spoke those words to my heart. HA! 

Seriously!!! What are you waiting for??

I've been praying strongly for various people in my life to open their hearts to the Lord and His love and mercy for them. There are many paths that people take in pursuit of Truth, but I think if we are honest, many of those paths are seeking a truth that conforms to our lives. We don't often honestly seek a truth that we conform ourselves to...

Logically, this makes no sense. I know people constantly switching from one religion to another because they disagreed with a teaching or didn't believe x, y, or z should be considered wrong and thus make them feel guilty. Guilt = bad, nowadays. I completely disagree with that notion.. guilt means we have a conscience and are sensitive to the fact that perhaps our poor decisions or actions have affected someone else. 

But I digress...

If we want to become a better version of ourselves, as Matthew Kelly would say, we have to aspire to change and mold and conform ourselves to something better. 

For example... when I do a Jillian Michael's fitness video, I think... DANG, those girls are ripped! I would like to be in that kind of shape someday. A person who looked and could exercise just like me in my own abilities would indeed be less inspiring to me to want to work out - because I've reached that point already. 

I want to be better. Human nature longs for improvement - this is why we read, learn, exercise, take music lessons, go that extra mile, try to be more patient, etc. But we can't improve in something we've already achieved... so when we look for religion to conform to our lives, requiring no change on our part, we will find ourselves greatly unsatisfied. 

I think pursuit of Truth really comes down to two things we ought to strive for: Love and Mercy. How can I love more deeply? How can I forgive more sincerely? How can I die to myself and my selfish desires in this moment? How can I let these things that bother me go? 

Can you do this outside of a religion? Sure. But who is holding you accountable? Who is setting your standard of holiness? Who inspires you to be greater than you are? 

Pope Francis has inspired millions of Catholics and non-Catholics alike by his example and witness to what it is to conform your life to Christ. He's not inspirational because he's the Pope. He's not inspirational because of his personality. He's inspirational because he is trying to be more like Christ! I know so many people in my life who inspire me on a daily basis by their great love and mercy. Who they are and their amazing, genuine, unselfish contribution to the world is made manifest because they have tried to conform their life to Someone greater. 

We all have our individual pursuits of Truth. I've wandered around seeking... my husband as wandered around seeking... we all have, even if we consider ourselves faithful to one religion or no religion. But I think we have to really be honest and ask... are we seeking to stay the same, unchanged, and find something that pacifies us and our lifestyles? Or are we seeking to move and grow and be challenged to change? 

And if we are seeking to be challenged to change, then what are we waiting for? Why are we waiting to be who we say we are or be who we want to be? Why are we waiting for someone to invite us? Why are we waiting for a sign in the sky? 

Why can't we follow, instead, the promptings of our hearts? 

Prayers tonight for all on their journey. Amen. 

When I Grow Up, I want to be Her Husband

"Hey Mommy!" said my three year old, almost four year old son as he jumped on to his bed for his night time story.

"Hi Sweetie!" 

"I need to tell you something. When I grow up, I am going to be Lucia's husband." He said with a big smile!

"Honey, Lucia is your sister. You can't be her husband but you can always protect her. A different lady will be your wife someday."

He was confused, but in true three year old fashion, changed the subject right away. 

That conversation struck me though, and almost made me want to cry. In his innocence, and as young as he is, he has a true love for his sister. He loves her so much that he wants to be with her forever. He couldn't imagine anyone else taking her place. 

What kind of love is this? This is the kind of love we all long to give and the kind of love we all long to receive. 

But as we get older, we break a little more easily. 

As we get older, we lose our purity of heart through sin, abuse, neglect, trials, sufferings of any sort, and that love starts to come with price tags and conditions. 

I will love you as long as you never hurt me. 

I will love you as long as you live up to my expectations. 

I will love you as long as you don't love anyone else but me, 

My children get it. They get that free love. This is, in part, why I love the movie, "Frozen". Anna and Elsa have a true love for one another that isn't broken through the years. It isn't suddenly swept up in emotions and hormones from a prince charming entering the picture. It is through good and bad, cold and warmth, everlasting. 

This is the kind of love we are made for. Nothing else will satisfy us. This is the kind of love that a child can give with all his or her might! But this is the kind of love that only God can give, that lasts and heals and will never change. It will never have a price tag or a condition. It is freely given to us who want it and accept it. 

It is arms open wide, outstretched on the cross, pouring down from our Savior's side. No one can take our place. No one can take His place in our lives. 

This love calls us to love beyond earth and feelings and hormones and romance and plants us deep into the heart of Christ, where we can learn to love like Him. 

I fail so often at loving people. I start to feel bad when I'm short tempered or impatient or struggling to forgive - It is easy to feel like a failure and let that consume me. When I look to the cross, though, I see that love requires sacrifice. To love authentically really means to put another person before yourself, and while I may never be called to give up my life in death for someone I love, I am called to die to my self, my own selfishness, my own pride, my own way of doing things and LOVE that person, SERVE that person, and PRAY for that person. 

God bless you tonight and I pray we can love more. "What the world needs now... is love, sweet love..." Not fluffy gone in a day love, but everlasting Love. 

Amen!