Wednesday, October 8, 2014

If I Should Die Before I Wake...

Today, two Facebook comments/statuses caught my attention. One was from a college student who used to be in my youth group and one was a comment on a thread discussing the Brittany Maynard "Dying with Dignity" story that has gone viral.


I'm confused... How can we be so sad about Robin Williams' suicide but then celebrate when a woman decides her lethal injection date?I'm not condemning her choice OR supporting it, as I am not in her position and I won't pretend like I am and cast judgement. However, society blindly believes something is great, just because a news story says so. Wake up and use your intelligence people! Gain a perspective or two.. this isn't black & white.

"To herald someone who ends their own life to avoid suffering is to cheapen the long and courageous suffering of those who fight to the finish."


I threw the second one, the comment on a thread from the Brittany Maynard story up on my Facebook wall to see what reaction it would get. 


I was really surprised that there wasn't much reaction at all, and it occurred to me that I have been quiet on this subject for awhile too because....


Well...


I wasn't sure what to think. 


I firmly believe in the seamless garment mentality when it comes to life issues - that life is sacred from conception until natural death. 


In this case, Brittany Maynard was diagnosed with a severe, rapid forming brain cancer. After being given the news that she would only have months to live, she chose not to try radiation and attempt to fight it, but rather to choose the day that she will die. November 1st. 


All Saints Day. 


She described her ideal death... painless... surrounded by people she loves.. with music in the background. This, to her, is dying with dignity.


Other than the fact that even though some words have been changed to make it sound a bit more rosy than it is... this *IS* a suicide. It IS taking one's own life. So the question comes down to.... why is it a beautiful thing in the eyes of society in Brittany's case, but so very tragic and disappointing in someone like Robin Williams' case? Are not/were not both seeking an end to their suffering? 


I came to know an amazing, amazing man, Chris Faddis, through his Facebook updates on the diagnosis, fight, and eventual death of his wife Angela.  I didn't know them personally, but saw their Facebook support group and prayed and grieved with them during their battle with cancer. I was blessed to meet Chris when I invited him to come to my parish in Michigan and share his story with us. And one thing I can say, for absolute certainty... 


Angela died with dignity. 


Her cancer didn't rob her of her dignity. Our suffering does not rob us of our dignity. 


This is why Mother Teresa formed a Home for the Dying. She said:  


"Death with dignity is to die with grace, in the knowledge that [you] are loved."


I have witnessed so, so many people battle cancer and other diseases and cancer, while it is a horrible, monstrous disease, taking our loved ones away from us through slow pain and suffering.... There remains dignity and beauty in each patient. Though we can't always see it through our sadness, anger, and our fears.


Angela Faddis was with her loved ones when she died. Angela was able to love and be loved right to and through her very last breath. She fought for every moment. 


Cancer has touched our family and cancer is a word that pierces the heart at its mere utterance. It takes our breath away, leaving us suffocating for air. 


But it cannot take our dignity. We are more than our health. We are more than the diseases we suffer or the crosses we bear. We have dignity because we are loved. Even the homeless man on the street of Calcutta, with no family, no friends, and no one even knows his name... is loved. The Missionaries Sisters of Charity show the dying love. 


This is death with dignity.  


We don't choose to suffer our disease or ailment because we believe there is some mysterious virtue we can only attain by martyring ourselves. We choose to suffer because we choose to live, and suffering is part of life. 


I will be praying for Brittany Maynard. I won't be praying for her to change her mind about taking her own life. I will be praying for her to realize that death with dignity happens because we are loved and not reduce death with dignity to a pain free death. The pain will end for all of us some day. But may every moment we have be a moment that matters. 


Whether I am diagnosed one day with cancer, or suffer trauma from a car accident, or carry the enormous weight of mental illness... I pray that my family helps me to fight, knowing each moment is sacred. And when it's time to let me go, they can do it knowing the battle is over and we loved each other till the last drop. 



Monday, October 6, 2014

She's Prettier Than Me

I have a confession to make.

I used to be a Green-Eyed Monster.

I was so insecure about myself, that I would stare at other girls --- not believing anyone would notice me... because I was invisible. I was ugly. I was fat. I was shy.

I watched other girls, not in a creeper way, but rather desiring whatever it was they had... beauty, athleticism, certain talents, charisma.

I never hated them, but I suppose it could have gotten to that point. I just desperately wanted to be like them, or even to be them.

One day, after confessing my jealousy for the umpteenth time, a priest said, "I want you to get in the habit of thanking God for whatever it is that you find yourself jealous about... I want you to say, 'Thank you, Lord, for making this girl beautiful.' or 'Thank you, Lord, for making this woman talented.' Even if you don't mean it. Say it."

I really wanted to conquer this nasty jealous beast which kept whispering in my ear,

"You're not good enough."

"You'll never look like her."

"You may as well give up."

"No one will ever like you as much as they like her."

It was eating away at my self-esteem and making me absolutely miserable.

So I cautiously began doing as the priest said. Whenever I met a beautiful woman, I would thank God for her beauty. Whenever I met a funny, charismatic, or outgoing woman, I would thank God for who she is and the gifts she has.

This LITERALLY changed my life.

My perspective is entirely different now, and I don't find myself to be a jealous beast anymore. After years of practicing this habit, I can honestly say I appreciate the beauty and talents I see in others. It really has caused me to see the unique personhood of each woman (or even man) I encounter. It makes me feel that my worth is not dependent upon what I have rated another person's worth to be. I'm not competing. I am who I am and you are who you are. I can acknowledge another woman's beauty or talent without diminishing my own. "She's a better singer than I am and that's... AWESOME!!" I feel more inclined to aspire to something greater than to give up and hide in my coat closet.

I still struggle with insecurity. I will always carry that cross, I think. But not in the way that I used to struggle - where I was insecure because I thought so little of myself and so highly (and highly jealous) of everyone else. These days I'm insecure as in, dangit why did I eat so much that now I can't squeeze into my favorite jeans. Or....  am I doing what I am supposed to be doing in ministry? Or, am I a good mom and wife? Those questions have real answers, but that's another blog topic!

I try to model this for my kids as well:

Wow, that guy is so strong! And you are strong, too, Damien.

That girl was so kind to play with us, wasn't she, Lucia? You girls play so nicely.

I want them to recognize their own uniqueness, while being able to acknowledge someone else's gifts.  I am so happy when Lucia matter of factly says, "That lady is so funny, Mom." Or "She is very nice to me." Or even "Look at her, she is so beautiful!"  If we spent more time thanking God for others, maybe we wouldn't have so much time to be down on ourselves, be jealous, or compare ourselves to other people. Maybe we would be more inclined to focus on who WE are and OUR own strengths and talents. Maybe we could better accept our own crosses, knowing that while other people have different strengths and talents, they also carry different crosses.

In the female land, but in mommy land in particular, this is such a difficult concept. Moms comparing whose house is cleaner and feeling like a failure. Moms comparing whose kids are smarter or more well-behaved... Been there! But before I let it get me down, I feel like it is important for me to thank God for those moms who have clean houses and well-behaved kids! I know it takes a TON of work to accomplish those feats! I also have to accept where I am at, that if I can't keep up or dress up or clean up... then those are areas I can keep plugging away at, but I'm also good at other things. When I wasn't cleaning the house, I was doing other productive things with my time, including taking a break!! When I was cleaning the house, I was contributing to my family's growth and health and sanity!

It's the simple, the mundane things that are really making us holy. ;)

That simple piece of advice so long ago -- to thank God for other people's beauty, talent, treasure, life, gifts, etc -- has changed my life, changed who I am becoming, and helped me get rid of the nasty green-eyed monster inside.

"When you are who you are called to be, you will set the world ablaze." - St. Catherine of Siena



Check out this Pinterest Rainbow Cake I attempted for my daughter's 3rd Birthday:


Here's mine:



Nailed It.