Weightloss blog update:
Weight: Same - 162.
BUT my waist size is down half an inch!
Exercise:
ChaLEAN Extreme every morning, P90X every evening (except last night).
Diet:
We are taking our meals from 100 Days of Real Food and I went back to meal planning/grocery shopping accordingly. We did go out for lunch once - pizza! I also did Shakeology for lunches. I'm still having a hard time with the taste of the shakes. I'm just not a shake person anyway, so it's a challenge for me, but I just need a kickstart to get back to better health and this seemed like an easy way. And it's expensive so I feel forced to commit to it. ;P (Only for one month. Can't do it longer than that due to budget).
That's pretty much it. I've been exercising like a mad woman and beginning to feel stronger again. Looking forward to another week of progress! :)
Friday, August 29, 2014
Sunday, August 24, 2014
People with Mental Illness are Not Stupid
There, I said it.
You think of a psychiatric hospital and images from "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Next" come to mind.
People with mental illness are not stupid.
So, I plead with the mental health care system and professionals, please stop treating them as such.
The goal these days with Managed Care in mental health care facilities is "Stabilization."
When asked what "stabilization" meant, the psychologist at a Michigan Mental Health Hospital said, "Stabilization means that the person no longer shows him or herself to be a threat to self or others."
Okay, Doc... you are saying that after three short days of inpatient, group therapy, yoga classes, taking away all weapons, closely monitoring and removing all triggers.... that you have determined, in your expertise, that this is enough to say, "The patient is stable, send them home."
Then if they "decompensate", including behaviors such as not taking their medicine, harming themselves, threatening suicide, etc, they may be readmitted.
Stabilize. Readmit. Stabilize. Readmit.
This is a vicious cycle.
People that don't want help can talk their way out of it, they are not stupid. There is a reason they have come for a psychiatric counseling session or evaluation. There. Is. A. Reason. Most people don't voluntarily give up a weekend for a stay in the hospital.
People with mental illness can be charming or manipulative. They can be astute and perceptive or have a distorted view of reality, but again... There is a reason they have come for a psychiatric counseling session or evaluation. There. Is. A. Reason.
Don't be fooled because in addition to having a mental illness, they are polite, well-spoken, and kind.
This is not surprising because THEY ARE PEOPLE! They are made out to be social outcasts, but they are NOT! They are talented, amazing people who happen to have a struggle no one can see!
People with mental illness are doctors, businessmen and women, teenagers, dancer, artists, musicians, actors... Mental Illness does not discriminate, but because it is the unseen plague, it doesn't get the attention, concern, and compassion that it warrants.
When a person seeks intervention in the mental health care system, they may not appear on the outside to need any help at all. They may seem perfectly charming and even happy. But without the proper evaluation including receiving input from/interviewing this person's family or friends, one on one therapy sessions, etc, there is no way to determine stabilization.
No way at all. There has been no observation of this person in their regular environment with all the triggers that cause this person to struggle day to day with the thought of living and not self-destructing.
And as someone who has sat in proximity watching this system dramatically fail someone in my life, I see them turn away someone with a slow bleed... I have painfully realized...
My love is not always enough to convince someone that their life is worth living.
My love is not always enough to convince someone that they are lovable.
And that is when it's time for the professional medical counselors, doctors, and therapists to help the person sort out the medical and psychological issues hidden beneath the smiles that are sometimes easier to show than the wounds.
That is when it's time for the spiritual health professionals, priests, ministers, etc, to step up and share the love and mercy of God so that the patients understand their suffering in the context of a hope that can lead to the next day, and the day after that.
That is when it's time for family and friends to wrap this person in love and prayer the best that they allow you to love them.
When someone's appendix has burst, they aren't turned away from the hospital because they "seem" ok or because they are a "nice" person or given a prescription for the pain and sent home. They are given immediate and proper medical care even in the less prestigious hospitals. Only in the mental health care field are people turned away the instant they seem ok, turned away because they are nice and outwardly well-adjusted, and given a prescription for the emotional pain and sent away.
Managed Care is an insurance objective. Not a people objective. Managed Care rushes the patient out the door because of the expense of care. The more doctors and hospitals are complicit in this, the greater the chance that it is at the more costly expense of a life.
I wish the doctors we have encountered in these recent days showcased their concern for the psychological health of their patients over the rules and requirements of insurance.
This is the first of many blogs to come...
You think of a psychiatric hospital and images from "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Next" come to mind.
People with mental illness are not stupid.
So, I plead with the mental health care system and professionals, please stop treating them as such.
The goal these days with Managed Care in mental health care facilities is "Stabilization."
When asked what "stabilization" meant, the psychologist at a Michigan Mental Health Hospital said, "Stabilization means that the person no longer shows him or herself to be a threat to self or others."
Okay, Doc... you are saying that after three short days of inpatient, group therapy, yoga classes, taking away all weapons, closely monitoring and removing all triggers.... that you have determined, in your expertise, that this is enough to say, "The patient is stable, send them home."
Then if they "decompensate", including behaviors such as not taking their medicine, harming themselves, threatening suicide, etc, they may be readmitted.
Stabilize. Readmit. Stabilize. Readmit.
This is a vicious cycle.
People that don't want help can talk their way out of it, they are not stupid. There is a reason they have come for a psychiatric counseling session or evaluation. There. Is. A. Reason. Most people don't voluntarily give up a weekend for a stay in the hospital.
People with mental illness can be charming or manipulative. They can be astute and perceptive or have a distorted view of reality, but again... There is a reason they have come for a psychiatric counseling session or evaluation. There. Is. A. Reason.
Don't be fooled because in addition to having a mental illness, they are polite, well-spoken, and kind.
This is not surprising because THEY ARE PEOPLE! They are made out to be social outcasts, but they are NOT! They are talented, amazing people who happen to have a struggle no one can see!
People with mental illness are doctors, businessmen and women, teenagers, dancer, artists, musicians, actors... Mental Illness does not discriminate, but because it is the unseen plague, it doesn't get the attention, concern, and compassion that it warrants.
When a person seeks intervention in the mental health care system, they may not appear on the outside to need any help at all. They may seem perfectly charming and even happy. But without the proper evaluation including receiving input from/interviewing this person's family or friends, one on one therapy sessions, etc, there is no way to determine stabilization.
No way at all. There has been no observation of this person in their regular environment with all the triggers that cause this person to struggle day to day with the thought of living and not self-destructing.
And as someone who has sat in proximity watching this system dramatically fail someone in my life, I see them turn away someone with a slow bleed... I have painfully realized...
My love is not always enough to convince someone that their life is worth living.
My love is not always enough to convince someone that they are lovable.
And that is when it's time for the professional medical counselors, doctors, and therapists to help the person sort out the medical and psychological issues hidden beneath the smiles that are sometimes easier to show than the wounds.
That is when it's time for the spiritual health professionals, priests, ministers, etc, to step up and share the love and mercy of God so that the patients understand their suffering in the context of a hope that can lead to the next day, and the day after that.
That is when it's time for family and friends to wrap this person in love and prayer the best that they allow you to love them.
When someone's appendix has burst, they aren't turned away from the hospital because they "seem" ok or because they are a "nice" person or given a prescription for the pain and sent home. They are given immediate and proper medical care even in the less prestigious hospitals. Only in the mental health care field are people turned away the instant they seem ok, turned away because they are nice and outwardly well-adjusted, and given a prescription for the emotional pain and sent away.
Managed Care is an insurance objective. Not a people objective. Managed Care rushes the patient out the door because of the expense of care. The more doctors and hospitals are complicit in this, the greater the chance that it is at the more costly expense of a life.
I wish the doctors we have encountered in these recent days showcased their concern for the psychological health of their patients over the rules and requirements of insurance.
This is the first of many blogs to come...
Saturday, August 23, 2014
The Weightloss Blog Hashtag Bummer
SO!
My journey to health was put on hold as we moved out of our house last month. We were so busy, I had practically no time whatsoever to workout, and even less time to cook.
Our budget and waistlines suffered as we relied on pizza and fast food to get us through the final lap of our move.
Then, we went to Steubenville to record a CD and were on the go/traveling the whole time - more fast food most of the time.
Now, upon coming home, I've managed to get in a couple of workouts, but I still have to break my bad habits of craving foods that make me feel lousy.
Here's where things stand...
Weight: 162. Yep I gained 7 pounds!
Ahhh!
I was initially devastated, but now I feel angry - Why did I let stress conquer me? I've felt so sluggish, no energy whatsoever. It's been rough to eat the way I've eaten. For the moments initial surrender to a craving and satisfaction of a juicy burger bring me, I've had the longer term effects of feeling like a bum.
So. Tired. So Weak!
So we start again.
I caved and ordered one month of Shakeology from my friend, Joia Farmer. I can't afford it long term, just a month because we got a refund from overpayment on a bill and I cut back a bit on our regular grocery money, but I needed a jumpstart!
We absolutely have to get back to Whole Foods! I felt amazing and didn't crave diet coke when I was following the meal plans here . So, that's what we'll be getting back to!
Also, David and I have done and are getting back to P90X. After the kids go to bed, no matter how late, we are back on the bandwagon! I still love ChaLEAN Extreme, but David won't do that with me and it's nice to have a partner, especially as we lead our family to better health!
I'll keep ya posted -- regular weighin will be Friday! I'm back on the blog bandwagon too... I was hiding. ;)
Wish me luck!
My journey to health was put on hold as we moved out of our house last month. We were so busy, I had practically no time whatsoever to workout, and even less time to cook.
Our budget and waistlines suffered as we relied on pizza and fast food to get us through the final lap of our move.
Then, we went to Steubenville to record a CD and were on the go/traveling the whole time - more fast food most of the time.
Now, upon coming home, I've managed to get in a couple of workouts, but I still have to break my bad habits of craving foods that make me feel lousy.
Here's where things stand...
Weight: 162. Yep I gained 7 pounds!
Ahhh!
I was initially devastated, but now I feel angry - Why did I let stress conquer me? I've felt so sluggish, no energy whatsoever. It's been rough to eat the way I've eaten. For the moments initial surrender to a craving and satisfaction of a juicy burger bring me, I've had the longer term effects of feeling like a bum.
So. Tired. So Weak!
So we start again.
I caved and ordered one month of Shakeology from my friend, Joia Farmer. I can't afford it long term, just a month because we got a refund from overpayment on a bill and I cut back a bit on our regular grocery money, but I needed a jumpstart!
We absolutely have to get back to Whole Foods! I felt amazing and didn't crave diet coke when I was following the meal plans here . So, that's what we'll be getting back to!
Also, David and I have done and are getting back to P90X. After the kids go to bed, no matter how late, we are back on the bandwagon! I still love ChaLEAN Extreme, but David won't do that with me and it's nice to have a partner, especially as we lead our family to better health!
I'll keep ya posted -- regular weighin will be Friday! I'm back on the blog bandwagon too... I was hiding. ;)
Wish me luck!
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Racism, Hatred, Peace, Justice
I am someone that loves to stay up on current events.
I am also someone that loves to try to see things from different angles. I feel that this ultimately makes my own convictions stronger and also helps me keep an open mind to where I need to reevaluate my own position, always, always through the lens of love, faith, and striving for sanctity.
As I've been watching the events unfold in Ferguson, Missouri, my initial reaction was, like many, to pronounce judgement. How could that white officer just shoot and kill that young black man? He was just a kid. My heart was filled with sorrow.
But I never like to jump on the social media bandwagon, no matter what the issue is.
I have seen the reaction of media, Catholic leaders, speakers, musicians, friends, strangers, etc.
I have seen people say that you can't have an opinion on this that isn't 100% against Officer Wilson if you are white.
People... no matter your race, if you see things in the lens of black and white races, you will never see things through the eyes of Christ.
I reeled back from the vehemently hateful and angry responses, the vitriol which surprised me, spewing out of the mouths of people whose knowledge of the case comes from headlines and social media. I did my own research and I realized...
You know what... we need to take a breath. And we need to be patient. We need to wait for the investigation before we hang the officer for his crime, error in judgement, murder, self-defense, whatever it may have been, in his mind, at that time.
Before anyone feels the urge to slam me, please finish reading.
I am not a racist. My father is Mexican, my mother is Anglo, my sisters are Hispanic, African American, and Caucasian. My father in law is Italian and Irish and my mother in law is Puerto Rican. My family is a rainbow. We are all different religions, different socio-economic backgrounds, etc. I consider myself very open minded. Every summer was spent in inner city Memphis in the projects working with the Missionary Sisters of Charity. I stand by my beliefs in what is morally right or wrong, but I am actively trying to see past where we are different and try to see the human dignity in every person.
I do this because I have realized a tendency in myself -- which I have worked so hard to overcome, with incredible help from my holy husband -- to let anger turn into hatred.
This is how our hearts are hardened...
Someone has wronged you. You are angry, rightly so. Everyone tells you that you have a right to be angry. You keep talking about it, reliving it. You are unwilling to forgive until reparation is made. You hold onto the anger like you will lose your passion for justice if you let it go. You feed it with other people's anger. The anger becomes harder and more intense. It grows and occupies most of your thoughts throughout the day. You become filled with hate. You start to view others with suspicion. If anyone doesn't affirm your righteous anger, you see them as an enemy. The anger builds until it becomes how you see the world. A world not filled with love and hope, but desolation and destruction.
It destroys you.
This is what is happening in Ferguson. And this is happening to those of us who have already cast the stone at Officer Wilson's feet.
Here's the unfortunate thing... you seek justice, but will never find peace.
Luke 6:34-35 "If you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners in order to receive back the same amount. 35"But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men. 36"Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
I am also someone that loves to try to see things from different angles. I feel that this ultimately makes my own convictions stronger and also helps me keep an open mind to where I need to reevaluate my own position, always, always through the lens of love, faith, and striving for sanctity.
As I've been watching the events unfold in Ferguson, Missouri, my initial reaction was, like many, to pronounce judgement. How could that white officer just shoot and kill that young black man? He was just a kid. My heart was filled with sorrow.
But I never like to jump on the social media bandwagon, no matter what the issue is.
I have seen the reaction of media, Catholic leaders, speakers, musicians, friends, strangers, etc.
I have seen people say that you can't have an opinion on this that isn't 100% against Officer Wilson if you are white.
People... no matter your race, if you see things in the lens of black and white races, you will never see things through the eyes of Christ.
I reeled back from the vehemently hateful and angry responses, the vitriol which surprised me, spewing out of the mouths of people whose knowledge of the case comes from headlines and social media. I did my own research and I realized...
You know what... we need to take a breath. And we need to be patient. We need to wait for the investigation before we hang the officer for his crime, error in judgement, murder, self-defense, whatever it may have been, in his mind, at that time.
Before anyone feels the urge to slam me, please finish reading.
I am not a racist. My father is Mexican, my mother is Anglo, my sisters are Hispanic, African American, and Caucasian. My father in law is Italian and Irish and my mother in law is Puerto Rican. My family is a rainbow. We are all different religions, different socio-economic backgrounds, etc. I consider myself very open minded. Every summer was spent in inner city Memphis in the projects working with the Missionary Sisters of Charity. I stand by my beliefs in what is morally right or wrong, but I am actively trying to see past where we are different and try to see the human dignity in every person.
I do this because I have realized a tendency in myself -- which I have worked so hard to overcome, with incredible help from my holy husband -- to let anger turn into hatred.
This is how our hearts are hardened...
Someone has wronged you. You are angry, rightly so. Everyone tells you that you have a right to be angry. You keep talking about it, reliving it. You are unwilling to forgive until reparation is made. You hold onto the anger like you will lose your passion for justice if you let it go. You feed it with other people's anger. The anger becomes harder and more intense. It grows and occupies most of your thoughts throughout the day. You become filled with hate. You start to view others with suspicion. If anyone doesn't affirm your righteous anger, you see them as an enemy. The anger builds until it becomes how you see the world. A world not filled with love and hope, but desolation and destruction.
It destroys you.
This is what is happening in Ferguson. And this is happening to those of us who have already cast the stone at Officer Wilson's feet.
Here's the unfortunate thing... you seek justice, but will never find peace.
Luke 6:34-35 "If you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners in order to receive back the same amount. 35"But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men. 36"Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
I do not know what happened that night and to assume so would be fairly foolish.
"What is your source?"
"Uh, the nightly news, YouTube, and Twitter."
"Were you an eyewitness?"
"No, but I saw some video footage on Fox AND MSNBC, so it must be true."
"Do you know Officer Wilson personally?"
"No, but he's a white man and white policemen are known to be racist."
"Do you know Michael Brown personally?"
"No, but he was college bound."
While it may seem clear to some that this case is cut and dried, I challenge you to wait for the details. The more you are convicted without investigation, the less you are open to truth.
I have experienced racism. My family has experienced racism. I have experienced sexism. I have experienced ageism. I have experienced discrimination based on the fact that I am Catholic. Other Christian churches practically put the scarlet letter on me when someone comes up to ask if I would speak at their church and then discover I am Catholic. Discrimination and Racism are realities of the world we live in, because people are more comfortable with people who are more like them. It's not just a white issue. It's a... being human issue.
Those filling their social media with hateful proclamations of racism and judgement are guilty of doing the same thing they claim Officer Wilson did -- rushing to attack.
One of the most beautiful responses I saw to this entire thing was a girl who was in my small group at a youth retreat awhile ago. She is now a young, married mother. A black woman who serves our country in the US Army. This is part of what she said:
I know the world is crazy and lost its mind but my friends.. Please stop blaming "white folks" my father, the man on my birth certificate, that I knew up until 12...a white man. My maiden name is from a white man. I went to an all white school, when I graduated and when into the army a white family took me in. My daughter recognizes a white man and white woman as grandparents.. Let's not forget to mention.. My "white" education was supported by my black mother...and Im adopted.. So that white man and black woman TOGETHER chose me and my black brother... But I bet you wouldn't know it by looking at me...... Humans are humans you cannot blame corruption and sin on white people or color just because they are the ones the media chooses to highlight.
I know this girl, and when she speaks out, she is speaking out with the intent and desire to love people more deeply regardless of race, sin, sex, creed, corruption. Her words in seeking justice are out of love.
Please, especially those who have lots of influence by your position in society, the Church, school, etc. Please reevaluate how you have been reacting to this tragic situation, from one of anger and hatred, to one of mercy and love. Come together and pray for Michael Brown and Officer Wilson. Come and pray and work so that there doesn't have to be so much tension between people and police, white and black, Mexican, Catholic, Protestant, Atheist, etc.
Pray for humility. Pray to see people as Jesus sees them. Ask for help to forgive. Pray to love people as Jesus loves them. Love the people in your life, forgive the people in your life. Pray to be a person of peace.
There are no saints that withheld forgiveness, going to their death in an angry tirade for justice, taunting their persecutors. Passionate for justice truly means passionate for peace, love, and mercy.
Love and mercy have to be regular disciplines of His disciples. And that's hardcore. Way harder than throwing a brick into a store window, yelling and screaming about injustice, and sending Officer Wilson to his own death.
It will never help a heart to repent or to love you.
It has a greater chance of making them hate you.
It will never help you to love, but only increase your own hatred.
I, myself, have been praying for my own areas in life that I need to forgive and let go of anger, so believe me, this is a journey we are all on together.
I am still recovering from the anger in my previous blog...
My whole body was tense, knots in my stomach, sleepless nights. While I have every right to be angry and believe me, this fight for advocacy for adequate mental health treatment that is not dictated by insurance companies and hospital policies over people isn't over... I realize I need to take a breath, focus, and figure out what I can do. What I CAN DO. Not just a general rant of "what should be done" but what I myself, with the connections that I have, the gifts that I have, the ministry that I have, am capable of doing.
I already am working on it, friends. Please pray for me too.
I'm not asking anyone to give up the fight for justice. I am asking you to understand what justice, through the eyes of faith really is. And it is framed in love and peace. Not hatred and division.
Praying for Ferguson. Praying for my friends who are truly hurting because of this tragedy.
Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy.
O, Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love; For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; it is in dying that we are born again to eternal life.
O, Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love; For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; it is in dying that we are born again to eternal life.
Monday, August 18, 2014
I. AM. LIVID.
Please, please share this blog. We HAVE to get the word out.
WHAT is wrong with our mental health care system?
Too afraid of being sued?
Don't know how to handle extreme behaviors?
Overbooked and low staffed?
I need answers.
During my time as a Coordinator of Youth Ministry at the parish level, I encountered on several occasions students with extremely serious behavior issues -- serious as in a threat to themselves or others. I followed appropriate protocols, reporting to the proper authorities and every channel told me,
"There is nothing we can do until this person actually does something."
You have GOT to be kidding me!
It may be too late!
Now more than ever, teens and young adults are facing the potentially devastating effects of mental illness and addictions. We can play the blame game... lack of father involvement, sexual deviancy resulting from pornography, availability of drugs, family of origin issues, genetics, etc. In the end, though, once the problem exists....
IT IS TIME TO DEAL WITH THE PROBLEM!
Sorry for all caps. I am definitely yelling.
My ministry focuses heavily on these issues, especially as they stem from self-hatred, insecurity, suicide, and self-harm. While surely God can heal these wounds and certainly has redeemed these wounds on the cross, He has gifted us with mental health study and the ability to seek healing through various therapies and treatments.
But if for whatever justifications, the struggling person is left with, "Take two and call me in the morning" which is LITERALLY what is happening to someone I know right now, we know this system is FUNDAMENTALLY FLAWED.
This person was hospitalized, voluntarily seeking help.
Y'all I'm practically bawling right now...
This person had the COURAGE to know they needed help and they went in VOLUNTARILY to be HOSPITALIZED.
And they were put in group therapy and yoga/coping classes.
What. The. Heck.
People can't even share their faith in a small group, how the heck are they going to share their deepest wounds and struggles in a few days in a group of people they just met?
And based off of that, this hospital can make the assumption that because this person has seemed okay for a few days, they are fine to go back to life as usual, with the suggestion that weekly therapy appointments be made.
I am speechless.
No, no I'm not.
I'm livid.
You can't possibly know the extent to which someone needs psychiatric care from a few days.
Read, Columbine the book. Eric and Dylan were masterful manipulators at their weekly appointments because they probably had a serious personality or antisocial disorder which enabled them to not appear the stereotypical "crazy". They wrote in their journals, bragging about how they were able to say what the therapist wanted to hear.
I know that testing is expensive, but a brief interview of family members and close friends should provide enough evidence to determine who needs to go through psychological examinations and who really just needs some talk-therapy sessions and who is just stressed.
Many, many professions require psychological examinations, but here, at a mental health HOSPITAL, someone realizes they need help and comes as a desperate act for care, knowing potentially it could be their only outreach, you had DANG well better take that with the utmost seriousness and exhaust every resource available.
Robin Williams had just gotten out of rehab.
What does that tell you?
We need major, major help in reforming and supporting mental health care professionals to do their jobs and at the very least, refer more extreme patients to the experts who actually CAN help. Not every therapist or hospital is right for every circumstance, but there should be a process of helping that person find the right care for them.
Really mad.
Please Pray.
WHAT is wrong with our mental health care system?
Too afraid of being sued?
Don't know how to handle extreme behaviors?
Overbooked and low staffed?
I need answers.
During my time as a Coordinator of Youth Ministry at the parish level, I encountered on several occasions students with extremely serious behavior issues -- serious as in a threat to themselves or others. I followed appropriate protocols, reporting to the proper authorities and every channel told me,
"There is nothing we can do until this person actually does something."
You have GOT to be kidding me!
It may be too late!
Now more than ever, teens and young adults are facing the potentially devastating effects of mental illness and addictions. We can play the blame game... lack of father involvement, sexual deviancy resulting from pornography, availability of drugs, family of origin issues, genetics, etc. In the end, though, once the problem exists....
IT IS TIME TO DEAL WITH THE PROBLEM!
Sorry for all caps. I am definitely yelling.
My ministry focuses heavily on these issues, especially as they stem from self-hatred, insecurity, suicide, and self-harm. While surely God can heal these wounds and certainly has redeemed these wounds on the cross, He has gifted us with mental health study and the ability to seek healing through various therapies and treatments.
But if for whatever justifications, the struggling person is left with, "Take two and call me in the morning" which is LITERALLY what is happening to someone I know right now, we know this system is FUNDAMENTALLY FLAWED.
This person was hospitalized, voluntarily seeking help.
Y'all I'm practically bawling right now...
This person had the COURAGE to know they needed help and they went in VOLUNTARILY to be HOSPITALIZED.
And they were put in group therapy and yoga/coping classes.
What. The. Heck.
People can't even share their faith in a small group, how the heck are they going to share their deepest wounds and struggles in a few days in a group of people they just met?
And based off of that, this hospital can make the assumption that because this person has seemed okay for a few days, they are fine to go back to life as usual, with the suggestion that weekly therapy appointments be made.
I am speechless.
No, no I'm not.
I'm livid.
You can't possibly know the extent to which someone needs psychiatric care from a few days.
Read, Columbine the book. Eric and Dylan were masterful manipulators at their weekly appointments because they probably had a serious personality or antisocial disorder which enabled them to not appear the stereotypical "crazy". They wrote in their journals, bragging about how they were able to say what the therapist wanted to hear.
I know that testing is expensive, but a brief interview of family members and close friends should provide enough evidence to determine who needs to go through psychological examinations and who really just needs some talk-therapy sessions and who is just stressed.
Many, many professions require psychological examinations, but here, at a mental health HOSPITAL, someone realizes they need help and comes as a desperate act for care, knowing potentially it could be their only outreach, you had DANG well better take that with the utmost seriousness and exhaust every resource available.
Robin Williams had just gotten out of rehab.
What does that tell you?
We need major, major help in reforming and supporting mental health care professionals to do their jobs and at the very least, refer more extreme patients to the experts who actually CAN help. Not every therapist or hospital is right for every circumstance, but there should be a process of helping that person find the right care for them.
Really mad.
Please Pray.
Sunday, August 17, 2014
Homeschooling, Money, Catholic Education, Qualifications of a Teacher
I thought I wrote a very clear blog on the reasons we did NOT choose to homeschool, but alas, in Facebook debating, several things were brought up that I felt I needed to address in a separate blog posting.
1) Money
We did not choose to homeschool because of money. We don't make much money, it's true, but money was off the table. Why? Because we would have done what we had to do, just as we have done in trying to get our CD finished -- fundraising, saving, garage sale, extra jobs, extra concerts, etc.
Money was not an issue for us, not because we have a lot, but because we have learned in our almost five years of marriage that God provides for our needs. Not always our wants, but our needs.
We have also learned that when we glorify God with our money, the rewards are multiplied. We strive to serve the Lord first with our money. This includes putting cash in the basket at church, not requesting reimbursement for every tiny thing, giving to people we know, in our lives, to be in need. Etc. God will hold us accountable to how we used our resources and if we don't use them with our first and foremost goal of building up God's kingdom, then we have some 'splainin' to do. That doesn't mean I can't enjoy new curtains which I plan to buy next month because we used that money for something more worthy, but if I keep my money to myself and not support my Church, or Catholic School financially or with my gifts of time and talent, then I didn't help sow in the vineyard, so to speak.
In Michigan, I was leading a Holy Hour for the Catholic school kids. A woman happened to be there praying and was moved to tears by the prayers of the students. She immediately walked over to the Catholic School and made a donation. She was an elderly woman without kids in the school, but was moved by the Holy Spirit to support Catholic Education and I think that is awesome, and I pray we can all be that way.
When David was unemployed for a short time due to a layoff resulting from a parish merge, we felt called to give a hefty donation towards some students who were heading to World Youth Day. We knew how much World Youth Day meant to us in our own faith lives. I had a number on my heart, but I said, Okay, Lord, if you want us to give this much, put that same number on David's heart. And He did. Dude... Holy Spirit fo' sho'!
Logically, it made NO SENSE that we should be called to give financially, and it was a huge sacrifice for us. But I PROMISE and even more than that, GOD promises, when you give generously and follow the Lord, He provides for your needs and the grace is a thousand fold. Just because some people have more than others doesn't lessen anyone's call to give to others, especially in building up the Kingdom.
David and I, our Catholic Schools, our Parishes, our teachers are all dependent upon the generosity of others, but deeper than that, the active response of the heart to the call to build the Kingdom of God with the resources we have been given BY Him for that purpose. Yep, that's right, what we have is a gift first and foremost to share. That's not a parish appeal -- that's all part of the Great Commission.
So David and I did NOT base our reasoning on money. If we had decided to go to Catholic school, we would have found a way, as many of my friends and family have, to make it work. Our reasons for homeschooling are listed in my previous blog, but I will recap them here.
2) There is no difference between the Catholic School and Public School, so homeschooling was our only option.
FALSE!
We have been to many great Catholic schools but I will narrow it down to three elementary schools that stand out in my mind, in the order that I experienced them!
A. St. Francis of Assisi in Memphis, TN. I student taught here. Outrageously expensive, but the teachers I met were INCREDIBLE. I've never seen so many creative lesson plans, fun academic activities outside of school, and the students excited to come to school. It was very pleasant and behavior issues, during my time there at least, were at a minimum.
B. Most Holy Trinity in Fowler, MI. The Faith Life here was unparalleled to anything I have ever seen. I think this is a result of the parish dynamic as a whole. The parish has two main priorities - 1. The School, and 2. The Youth. I saw first hand students' families returning to the faith because of their kids. The Youth Minister and Religious Education Director and I, the Music Director, were all required to have a presence and relationship with the school and its students. We ALL worked together to coordinate events, teach the faith not just from a book, but in practice, Holy Hours, Mass, Special Feast celebrations, etc. Busloads of teens went to the Steubenville Conferences, and right now, as we speak, CNN is doing a documentary on the vocations from that Parish!
C. Sacred Heart Catholic School, Dodge City, KS. I would be remiss in mentioning this school as it will be the school we send our children to if we decide not to continue in homeschooling. The middle school youth group is just starting up so David, as Youth Minister and Dad, will have a regular presence at the school. We have met many of the teachers and are good friends with the Principal. We see them at Mass regularly and see them live out their faith on a daily basis. We know that people who love the Lord will love our kids and that love will in turn draw our kids to the Lord. The tuition here is also very reasonable compared to other places. We WILL send our kids here if we choose to no longer homeschool.
We will NOT send our kids to Public School for elementary/middle school. We have discerned that this is not the most ideal environment for our kids given we value faith-based learning and application to our reality - not just an academic learning of faith, a life-learning. (That said, David went to Catholic School and became a Muslim for a time, so..... yeah. Ha!) We value also individualized learning. In a class with 30 plus students, teachers have to teach to the median.. the students that don't understand fall behind and the students that already know the material get bored and often hate school.
I do know homeschoolers who have left the Catholic faith too. That's a reality for all of us, but there are so so many reasons why we would choose Catholic School over Public School even at the expense of our future retirements, eating out, vacation, etc. To us, the faith-based education, small class sizes, support of the Church's missionary efforts, and freedom to express their faith are all valid reasons for us to support our Catholic School. Which we are also supporting in other ways even though we have chosen to homeschool!
Catholic Schools came along to educate the uneducated and those that couldn't educate their own children. We have the ability to educate our kids now and will send them along when we can't or discern that it isn't meeting their needs.
3) Parents are not qualified to teach their kids.
Some are probably not, but neither are some teachers, despite having a degree and tenure. One of my first student teaching assignments was in Inner City Memphis. It was a horrible assignment because of the adults in the equation. Parents didn't care about their kids and if their kid couldn't read or had a behavioral issue it was blamed on the teacher. I remember having a parent/teacher conference with a woman whose daughter was constantly stealing from me, other classmates, and the classroom. The parent said, "Well, I don't know why you're telling me that. Just whoop her."
Um , sorry... not going to spank your child....
The cooperating teacher and several other teachers literally sat in the classroom and read from the textbook while kids talked, threw things, got into fights, etc. They gave the students answers to tests because their class got rewarded for good test scores.
Now, I'm sure that teacher didn't go into the classroom thinking, "I can't wait to lose all control of my students and just read to them from the textbook." I'm positive it was a result of lack of parent concern, terrible, terrible behavior from students who weren't used to discipline at home, and lack of resources to do the kinds of activities that my first example of a private school was able to do. Her lackadaisacal attitude was certainly a result of being jaded from the system.
This lack of parental concern over the child's education is not limited to public school. This extends even to Parish Religious Education programs. "It is YOUR job to teach my kids, not mine, that is why I send them to you."
In a way that is valid, but it puts the educational and faith future of your child in the hands of a person who has 29 other students to worry about.
I am perfectly qualified to teach my children. I have a degree in Education. I also know, parents who don't have college degrees who do a fine job educating their children because they are able to work with them one on one until they understand the material. There are many resources available to homeschoolers including college classes with dual credit - high school AND college credit -- a huge money saver! Homeschooled children do very well on testing. Here is another article with more information to that fact.
Parents have educated their children for years. And kids back then were smarter than they are now, too so......... I'm not saying' but I'm just sayin'..... What are our academic standards and how can we effectively produce educated, functioning adults in our society? No matter what, PARENTS MUST BE PART OF THEIR CHILDREN'S EDUCATION! Public, private, or homeschooled... parents MUST be involved.
I also want my kids to have time! School is eight hours a day plus homework! I really enjoyed the opportunity to work in school and have time to pursue music. I hope that my kids will be able to use the extra time they have to pursue their interests on a deeper level than a once a semester class. I hope that this time that I have with them will help bond us together as a family so that they have a good foundation to build from.
I always feel like I have to keep inserting disclaimers, but my parenting choices are not meant to be a reflection of others' parenting choices. My choices are prayerful, researched, and positive -- as in, not negative towards another option, but positive in that this seems to be the best option for our family!!!!!!!
Ok, to recap.... these are the reasons that we decided to homeschool in order of priority.
1) TRAVEL, our kids would miss so much school. At this point we are still called to do our National Ministry and are open to if and when the Lord decides it is no longer our calling. Homeschooling allows us this flexibility without hampering the kids' academics or leaving them behind all the time.
2) We like the one-on-one, flexible schedule of homeschooling and find it more favorable to students of different learning types, and especially boys. David has raging ADHD and had a hard time in school. Chances are that one of our kids may have it too. Sitting still and learning in a classroom setting is not the ideal environment for a student with ADHD who needs to learn other coping skills and take frequent mental breaks.
3) I already work with our kids on educational type activities on an informal basis and find that they have learned much of what is required at their grade level. Let's see how they progress!
4) I have a degree in Education, so I may as well use it.
5) We can create a faith-based learning environment in our home.
That's it!
Again, I really thought my blog made the distinction that our reasons were very neutral and practical about homeschooling, but I hope this answers some of the objections!
God bless!
1) Money
We did not choose to homeschool because of money. We don't make much money, it's true, but money was off the table. Why? Because we would have done what we had to do, just as we have done in trying to get our CD finished -- fundraising, saving, garage sale, extra jobs, extra concerts, etc.
Money was not an issue for us, not because we have a lot, but because we have learned in our almost five years of marriage that God provides for our needs. Not always our wants, but our needs.
We have also learned that when we glorify God with our money, the rewards are multiplied. We strive to serve the Lord first with our money. This includes putting cash in the basket at church, not requesting reimbursement for every tiny thing, giving to people we know, in our lives, to be in need. Etc. God will hold us accountable to how we used our resources and if we don't use them with our first and foremost goal of building up God's kingdom, then we have some 'splainin' to do. That doesn't mean I can't enjoy new curtains which I plan to buy next month because we used that money for something more worthy, but if I keep my money to myself and not support my Church, or Catholic School financially or with my gifts of time and talent, then I didn't help sow in the vineyard, so to speak.
In Michigan, I was leading a Holy Hour for the Catholic school kids. A woman happened to be there praying and was moved to tears by the prayers of the students. She immediately walked over to the Catholic School and made a donation. She was an elderly woman without kids in the school, but was moved by the Holy Spirit to support Catholic Education and I think that is awesome, and I pray we can all be that way.
When David was unemployed for a short time due to a layoff resulting from a parish merge, we felt called to give a hefty donation towards some students who were heading to World Youth Day. We knew how much World Youth Day meant to us in our own faith lives. I had a number on my heart, but I said, Okay, Lord, if you want us to give this much, put that same number on David's heart. And He did. Dude... Holy Spirit fo' sho'!
Logically, it made NO SENSE that we should be called to give financially, and it was a huge sacrifice for us. But I PROMISE and even more than that, GOD promises, when you give generously and follow the Lord, He provides for your needs and the grace is a thousand fold. Just because some people have more than others doesn't lessen anyone's call to give to others, especially in building up the Kingdom.
David and I, our Catholic Schools, our Parishes, our teachers are all dependent upon the generosity of others, but deeper than that, the active response of the heart to the call to build the Kingdom of God with the resources we have been given BY Him for that purpose. Yep, that's right, what we have is a gift first and foremost to share. That's not a parish appeal -- that's all part of the Great Commission.
So David and I did NOT base our reasoning on money. If we had decided to go to Catholic school, we would have found a way, as many of my friends and family have, to make it work. Our reasons for homeschooling are listed in my previous blog, but I will recap them here.
2) There is no difference between the Catholic School and Public School, so homeschooling was our only option.
FALSE!
We have been to many great Catholic schools but I will narrow it down to three elementary schools that stand out in my mind, in the order that I experienced them!
A. St. Francis of Assisi in Memphis, TN. I student taught here. Outrageously expensive, but the teachers I met were INCREDIBLE. I've never seen so many creative lesson plans, fun academic activities outside of school, and the students excited to come to school. It was very pleasant and behavior issues, during my time there at least, were at a minimum.
B. Most Holy Trinity in Fowler, MI. The Faith Life here was unparalleled to anything I have ever seen. I think this is a result of the parish dynamic as a whole. The parish has two main priorities - 1. The School, and 2. The Youth. I saw first hand students' families returning to the faith because of their kids. The Youth Minister and Religious Education Director and I, the Music Director, were all required to have a presence and relationship with the school and its students. We ALL worked together to coordinate events, teach the faith not just from a book, but in practice, Holy Hours, Mass, Special Feast celebrations, etc. Busloads of teens went to the Steubenville Conferences, and right now, as we speak, CNN is doing a documentary on the vocations from that Parish!
C. Sacred Heart Catholic School, Dodge City, KS. I would be remiss in mentioning this school as it will be the school we send our children to if we decide not to continue in homeschooling. The middle school youth group is just starting up so David, as Youth Minister and Dad, will have a regular presence at the school. We have met many of the teachers and are good friends with the Principal. We see them at Mass regularly and see them live out their faith on a daily basis. We know that people who love the Lord will love our kids and that love will in turn draw our kids to the Lord. The tuition here is also very reasonable compared to other places. We WILL send our kids here if we choose to no longer homeschool.
We will NOT send our kids to Public School for elementary/middle school. We have discerned that this is not the most ideal environment for our kids given we value faith-based learning and application to our reality - not just an academic learning of faith, a life-learning. (That said, David went to Catholic School and became a Muslim for a time, so..... yeah. Ha!) We value also individualized learning. In a class with 30 plus students, teachers have to teach to the median.. the students that don't understand fall behind and the students that already know the material get bored and often hate school.
I do know homeschoolers who have left the Catholic faith too. That's a reality for all of us, but there are so so many reasons why we would choose Catholic School over Public School even at the expense of our future retirements, eating out, vacation, etc. To us, the faith-based education, small class sizes, support of the Church's missionary efforts, and freedom to express their faith are all valid reasons for us to support our Catholic School. Which we are also supporting in other ways even though we have chosen to homeschool!
Catholic Schools came along to educate the uneducated and those that couldn't educate their own children. We have the ability to educate our kids now and will send them along when we can't or discern that it isn't meeting their needs.
3) Parents are not qualified to teach their kids.
Some are probably not, but neither are some teachers, despite having a degree and tenure. One of my first student teaching assignments was in Inner City Memphis. It was a horrible assignment because of the adults in the equation. Parents didn't care about their kids and if their kid couldn't read or had a behavioral issue it was blamed on the teacher. I remember having a parent/teacher conference with a woman whose daughter was constantly stealing from me, other classmates, and the classroom. The parent said, "Well, I don't know why you're telling me that. Just whoop her."
Um , sorry... not going to spank your child....
The cooperating teacher and several other teachers literally sat in the classroom and read from the textbook while kids talked, threw things, got into fights, etc. They gave the students answers to tests because their class got rewarded for good test scores.
Now, I'm sure that teacher didn't go into the classroom thinking, "I can't wait to lose all control of my students and just read to them from the textbook." I'm positive it was a result of lack of parent concern, terrible, terrible behavior from students who weren't used to discipline at home, and lack of resources to do the kinds of activities that my first example of a private school was able to do. Her lackadaisacal attitude was certainly a result of being jaded from the system.
This lack of parental concern over the child's education is not limited to public school. This extends even to Parish Religious Education programs. "It is YOUR job to teach my kids, not mine, that is why I send them to you."
In a way that is valid, but it puts the educational and faith future of your child in the hands of a person who has 29 other students to worry about.
I am perfectly qualified to teach my children. I have a degree in Education. I also know, parents who don't have college degrees who do a fine job educating their children because they are able to work with them one on one until they understand the material. There are many resources available to homeschoolers including college classes with dual credit - high school AND college credit -- a huge money saver! Homeschooled children do very well on testing. Here is another article with more information to that fact.
Parents have educated their children for years. And kids back then were smarter than they are now, too so......... I'm not saying' but I'm just sayin'..... What are our academic standards and how can we effectively produce educated, functioning adults in our society? No matter what, PARENTS MUST BE PART OF THEIR CHILDREN'S EDUCATION! Public, private, or homeschooled... parents MUST be involved.
I also want my kids to have time! School is eight hours a day plus homework! I really enjoyed the opportunity to work in school and have time to pursue music. I hope that my kids will be able to use the extra time they have to pursue their interests on a deeper level than a once a semester class. I hope that this time that I have with them will help bond us together as a family so that they have a good foundation to build from.
I always feel like I have to keep inserting disclaimers, but my parenting choices are not meant to be a reflection of others' parenting choices. My choices are prayerful, researched, and positive -- as in, not negative towards another option, but positive in that this seems to be the best option for our family!!!!!!!
Ok, to recap.... these are the reasons that we decided to homeschool in order of priority.
1) TRAVEL, our kids would miss so much school. At this point we are still called to do our National Ministry and are open to if and when the Lord decides it is no longer our calling. Homeschooling allows us this flexibility without hampering the kids' academics or leaving them behind all the time.
2) We like the one-on-one, flexible schedule of homeschooling and find it more favorable to students of different learning types, and especially boys. David has raging ADHD and had a hard time in school. Chances are that one of our kids may have it too. Sitting still and learning in a classroom setting is not the ideal environment for a student with ADHD who needs to learn other coping skills and take frequent mental breaks.
3) I already work with our kids on educational type activities on an informal basis and find that they have learned much of what is required at their grade level. Let's see how they progress!
4) I have a degree in Education, so I may as well use it.
5) We can create a faith-based learning environment in our home.
That's it!
Again, I really thought my blog made the distinction that our reasons were very neutral and practical about homeschooling, but I hope this answers some of the objections!
God bless!
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Why We are Trying out Homeschool
Several people have messaged me or asked me in person, why are we opting to homeschool, so I wanted to briefly answer those questions from our personal discernment on what is the best form of education at this time for our family.
We are starting with preschool/kindergarten as our first trial run of homeschooling, and I will be starting both Damien, 4, and Lucia, almost 3. We are going to take it one year at a time and actively discern each year and with each individual child if this is what God is calling us to!
Here are a few reasons we have chosen homeschool:
1) Our ministry requires a lot of travel, and we want the flexibility to travel without the kids having to miss school. Homeschooling allows us that flexibility to take the kids' work with us, double up work, or extend school to other days when school is not traditionally held, like weekends or snow days, summer, Labor Day, etc.
2) Boys typically have a harder time in school than girls. Both my inlaws who were teachers and principals/vice principals in the Boston Public School systems agree that unless a teacher is very good with hands-on activities and keeping the students interested, boys easily get bored and act out. Many were recommended to be put on medications for having ADHD -- which is highly over-diagnosed especially in boys -- when maybe the unfortunate situation is that the child just wants to be a child. Because I will not have a group of 20 or 30 students like most overworked teachers, I will have the ability to do these hands-on activities, give one-on-one attention as needed, teach to the level of each of my kids, and give them run around outside breaks when they need one! Lord knows even as an adult I need my own version of run around outside mental break...(Looks more like a glass of wine... or two.) There are some amazing teachers out there and I support teachers 100% - I went to school to be one! I just wish the structure of the school day was more accommodating particularly to boys.
3) Our kids are already ahead as far as curriculum guidelines. As we were debating on whether or not to send the kids to preschool this year, I looked up the curriculum. I was pleasantly surprised that my kids know most of the core objectives for preschool -- and the rest, I'm sure, will come. So, it wouldn't have been an academic reason I would have sent my kids - at least Damien - to preschool, it would have been for the social. So, we had to ask ourselves...are there other ways our kids can get the social activities? Sure! There is an active homeschool group nearby, Damien will be taking martial arts, and Lucia may be taking ballet (depending on our pocketbook). Because they know the core curriculum objectives already, I want to see if we can go further. This year will be a combination of preschool and kindergarten. I don't want them to be bored with learning. Right now they are sponges and they are excited to learn! I want them to feel they have a great grasp over what they are learning, but also give them a challenge and see how they progress.
4) My degree is in Human Development - Education/Psychology. I went to school for this. If I'm not using my degree on a daily basis in a public/private school, I may as well give it a whirl in homeschool. ;)
5) Faith life is a given. We hope our kiddos will learn from us how to be holy people, whether they are homeschooled or private or public schooled, that is the best thing we can teach them! We also want to spend this time with them so they can witness our faith example and journey with us in ministry, as they are our first ministry. -- Ministry through vocation!
These are NOT reasons we decided to homeschool:
1) We don't trust the Church. We love the Church, we trust her teaching authority, and we have a good Catholic school here. The Catholic Church invented formal education for crying out loud! I had a great conversation about this with a fellow Catholic mom about the circles of homeschool groups that are determined to homeschool because they have a mistrust of the Church, a mistrust of the Parish programming, and a mistrust of the secular world to a point of absolute isolation. This is more destructive than anything - but that's a whole 'nother blog post! We did not decide to homeschool because we don't trust our Catholic school to teach the faith.
2) We don't want our kids around other kids. While of course we want to protect our kids from bad/negative influences, especially at this age where they are imitators and not examples, we know that they can't be in a bubble forever. We want our kids to learn to love and get along with all kinds of different people. There will be plenty of opportunities for that, including interaction with kids of all ages in the various homeschool group and other activities we participate in.
3) We want to shelter our kids from heresy, moral relativism, etc. While yes, we are the guardians of their hearts, minds, and bodies while they are in our protections, this is not our primary reason for homeschooling. That said, one skill that we find sorely lacking in much formal education nowadays, even up to the collegiate level, is the ability to think critically. Hopefully we will be able to build a relationship with our kids that should something be said in any environment that they find confusing, dangerous, or hurtful, they will know they can come to us and talk to us about it.
We are taking this ONE YEAR AT A TIME. Our discernment will be individualized per child and their needs, our family situation, our financial situation, etc.
We are very excited about this new undertaking and would appreciate prayers! I am grateful for the structure that I hope this will bring back to our day. We have been so interrupted in so many ways this summer that I am praying for a routine!
Hope this explains everything and if you have any questions, feel free to message me.
God bless!
Friday, August 15, 2014
The Breakdown of Humanity on Facebook
Sigh.
My heart broke again today as I learned that Zelda, Robin Williams' daughter, was run off from her social media accounts due to the harassment and negative messages she was receiving from others. It is absolutely unacceptable that she should receive anything at all other than love and support. What the heck is wrong with people?
Then I see this video in which a Pastor calls out those rioting in the streets of Ferguson, Missouri and the African American leaders who show up for the press conferences, but then disassociate themselves from their own communities. While the Pastor is addressing exclusively the African American community in his message, I can't help but feel that his message is one that applies to all of us. If you watch the video, it's intense, but you'll understand. Don't think that message just applies to one group of people - it applies to all of us.
You see, social media, in my opinion, has led to the breakdown in respect for all authority. Social media makes you a leader without earning it. How many friends or followers we have gives us this false sense of authority and leadership. You gain followers, friends, and likes -- for what? Posting a duck-face selfie? I'm not opposed to duck faced selfies, I just can't pull it off.
In fact, when I take a photo, I delete it if I wouldn't put it on Facebook.
Remember when you took pictures and what you got is what you got? I have practically a whole envelope of pictures from Myrtle Beach with my thumb in each photo.
The opposite is also true. No likes equates with no one likes me or cares about me. No event invitations means no one wants me. It becomes a deeply felt rejection. No likes on my photo means I'm ugly.
Social media has also given us a platform to post our expert opinions regardless of whether or not we are experts in the matter. This has led us to unprecedented narcissism on a mass scale. How many likes we get equates with how right we are. I remember being in a debate once - a friendly exchange, but nonetheless a debate - and those who were reading our comments were "liking" the comment they agreed with. If the other person had more likes than I did, I felt in some way I had lost the argument. If I had more likes, I equated it with victory!
This. Is. Insane!!!!!
In every hot topic issue these days, all of a sudden EVERYONE is an expert. Our experiences all of a sudden are scientific data. Our feelings equate with truth and no one can sift through to find the flaws in our logic or statements because this is "our" Facebook page and we will just delete your comments or unfriend you. *Not me, I am speaking in general. I've only ever unfriended a couple of people and it wasn't because they disagreed with me, it was because of harassment.* I welcome friendly disagreements and intellectual debates. The unfortunate thing is that nowadays our only research to form opinions seems to rest entirely on what "most people" believe. Very few have a conviction that they stand by - as soon as everyone starts changing their profile picture, they jump on the bandwagon even if they have no idea what it means! At one point, "most people" believed the earth was flat. Popular opinion is not always right, and in fact given the recent mass hysteria we have seen in so many news stories of late, we can see it is often wrong. People react, then defend their feelings on the matter, then maybe, maybe do some research. We have seen a total breakdown in critical thinking.
We conduct ourselves in the most asinine ways on social media sometimes. People have the guts, carelessness, motivation, impulsiveness, drive, whatever it's called, to say things in a manner that they would never say face to face. Sometimes it is in the name of "truth". Sometimes it is in the name of religion or creed. Sometimes it is meant to genuinely enlighten someone, but because of the venom with which it is written it can't be seriously taken. And don't get me started on the passive aggressive postings which are posted with enough ambiguity to let us feel innocent of calling someone out, but enough bait to draw them in and tick them off.
OY.
So.....
I didn't write this post just to spew a bunch of venomous feelings and opinions and duck faced selfies.
I am writing this post to challenge us to take our message to the streets, in essence. Get out from behind our social media faces and actually be real friends with real people.
Our son embarrassed us today by yelling out "That lady is SCARY!". "That Lady" was within earshot and we immediately shushed him and explained that we don't say those things about people.
"Why?" he asked.
"Because that lady is God's kid."
That person that is really saying some inciteful, not insightful, things is God's kid.
That person who is posting their love for everything you deem wrong in the world, is God's kid.
That person who annoys you in real life and virtual life, is God's kid.
Instead of talking about what's wrong with the world, let's BE what is right in the world. Like the Pastor in the video above said... WE have to change US.
Rather than try to convince someone that he or she is wrong on a subject, let's start practicing charity. Let's ask ourselves, would I say this, in this way, to this person if they were standing right in front of me? And if it gets heated, as the Pastor says, HUMBLE thyself, and back down.
And please don't say, "I'll pray for you."
Just do it.
Then you can giggle sneakily and say, "Hehehe, I prayed for that person and they didn't even know it!"
Especially if you profess to love the Lord, let your truths be laced in virtue. God is love. Sure, He turned over tables. But He also loved people - not the fluffy everything-you-do-is-great-you're-so-great kind of love, but the love that caused people to change because with all their hearts they wanted the kind of love that loved them where they were at, but challenged them to be better. I'm not advocating tolerance. Tolerance is the inadequate substitute for love and often very much the opposite. Tolerance says, just do your thing, I don't care, you can't strive for more or better. Love says you are worth so much and while I may not agree with you or your choices, I have the utmost care for you as a child of God.
Emotional posts from someone who is just really praying for more love in this broken-hearted world.
Love you all,
Noelle
My heart broke again today as I learned that Zelda, Robin Williams' daughter, was run off from her social media accounts due to the harassment and negative messages she was receiving from others. It is absolutely unacceptable that she should receive anything at all other than love and support. What the heck is wrong with people?
Then I see this video in which a Pastor calls out those rioting in the streets of Ferguson, Missouri and the African American leaders who show up for the press conferences, but then disassociate themselves from their own communities. While the Pastor is addressing exclusively the African American community in his message, I can't help but feel that his message is one that applies to all of us. If you watch the video, it's intense, but you'll understand. Don't think that message just applies to one group of people - it applies to all of us.
You see, social media, in my opinion, has led to the breakdown in respect for all authority. Social media makes you a leader without earning it. How many friends or followers we have gives us this false sense of authority and leadership. You gain followers, friends, and likes -- for what? Posting a duck-face selfie? I'm not opposed to duck faced selfies, I just can't pull it off.
In fact, when I take a photo, I delete it if I wouldn't put it on Facebook.
Remember when you took pictures and what you got is what you got? I have practically a whole envelope of pictures from Myrtle Beach with my thumb in each photo.
The opposite is also true. No likes equates with no one likes me or cares about me. No event invitations means no one wants me. It becomes a deeply felt rejection. No likes on my photo means I'm ugly.
Social media has also given us a platform to post our expert opinions regardless of whether or not we are experts in the matter. This has led us to unprecedented narcissism on a mass scale. How many likes we get equates with how right we are. I remember being in a debate once - a friendly exchange, but nonetheless a debate - and those who were reading our comments were "liking" the comment they agreed with. If the other person had more likes than I did, I felt in some way I had lost the argument. If I had more likes, I equated it with victory!
This. Is. Insane!!!!!
In every hot topic issue these days, all of a sudden EVERYONE is an expert. Our experiences all of a sudden are scientific data. Our feelings equate with truth and no one can sift through to find the flaws in our logic or statements because this is "our" Facebook page and we will just delete your comments or unfriend you. *Not me, I am speaking in general. I've only ever unfriended a couple of people and it wasn't because they disagreed with me, it was because of harassment.* I welcome friendly disagreements and intellectual debates. The unfortunate thing is that nowadays our only research to form opinions seems to rest entirely on what "most people" believe. Very few have a conviction that they stand by - as soon as everyone starts changing their profile picture, they jump on the bandwagon even if they have no idea what it means! At one point, "most people" believed the earth was flat. Popular opinion is not always right, and in fact given the recent mass hysteria we have seen in so many news stories of late, we can see it is often wrong. People react, then defend their feelings on the matter, then maybe, maybe do some research. We have seen a total breakdown in critical thinking.
We conduct ourselves in the most asinine ways on social media sometimes. People have the guts, carelessness, motivation, impulsiveness, drive, whatever it's called, to say things in a manner that they would never say face to face. Sometimes it is in the name of "truth". Sometimes it is in the name of religion or creed. Sometimes it is meant to genuinely enlighten someone, but because of the venom with which it is written it can't be seriously taken. And don't get me started on the passive aggressive postings which are posted with enough ambiguity to let us feel innocent of calling someone out, but enough bait to draw them in and tick them off.
OY.
So.....
I didn't write this post just to spew a bunch of venomous feelings and opinions and duck faced selfies.
I am writing this post to challenge us to take our message to the streets, in essence. Get out from behind our social media faces and actually be real friends with real people.
Our son embarrassed us today by yelling out "That lady is SCARY!". "That Lady" was within earshot and we immediately shushed him and explained that we don't say those things about people.
"Why?" he asked.
"Because that lady is God's kid."
That person that is really saying some inciteful, not insightful, things is God's kid.
That person who is posting their love for everything you deem wrong in the world, is God's kid.
That person who annoys you in real life and virtual life, is God's kid.
Instead of talking about what's wrong with the world, let's BE what is right in the world. Like the Pastor in the video above said... WE have to change US.
Rather than try to convince someone that he or she is wrong on a subject, let's start practicing charity. Let's ask ourselves, would I say this, in this way, to this person if they were standing right in front of me? And if it gets heated, as the Pastor says, HUMBLE thyself, and back down.
And please don't say, "I'll pray for you."
Just do it.
Then you can giggle sneakily and say, "Hehehe, I prayed for that person and they didn't even know it!"
Especially if you profess to love the Lord, let your truths be laced in virtue. God is love. Sure, He turned over tables. But He also loved people - not the fluffy everything-you-do-is-great-you're-so-great kind of love, but the love that caused people to change because with all their hearts they wanted the kind of love that loved them where they were at, but challenged them to be better. I'm not advocating tolerance. Tolerance is the inadequate substitute for love and often very much the opposite. Tolerance says, just do your thing, I don't care, you can't strive for more or better. Love says you are worth so much and while I may not agree with you or your choices, I have the utmost care for you as a child of God.
Emotional posts from someone who is just really praying for more love in this broken-hearted world.
Love you all,
Noelle
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
The Casualties of Suicide
This is probably the most passionate article I have ever and will ever write. I have perused the threads on this topic, in the larger context of Robin Williams' death until I've been physically ill over the comments and debates. It is almost impossible to not offend someone when commenting on the sensitive issues of depression and suicide.
I am someone who has been on both sides of the issue and just feel the cathartic need to share some very important thoughts - thoughts that are rarely considered in the debates that I have been witnessing, and it is truly a tragedy in and of itself that such an important topic has become laced with anger and division. We are speaking of life and death, and the utter war people wage on a daily basis between the two.
From the inside, suicide is never an act of free will unless it is in the context of suicide bomber. It is a result of the devastatingly painful loss of hope. When I was a teenager, suicide seemed like the only way. I felt I had no options and I lived in a very, very dark place in my heart. I was scared I would go to hell if I killed myself, and that ultimately saved my life, but I do wonder if had I not had a life-changing experience of the love of God at a retreat, if I would have cared about that at all. For the seriously depressed, it is the legitimate belief that the world would be better off without you. It is the legitimate belief that people will not care if you are gone. It is the legitimate belief that the pain will all be over soon. It is not a rational thinking process. There is no weighing of the pros and cons.
Many, many medications that are supposed to control these desperate feelings actually contribute to them. I remember someone very close to me would one second be a zombie, and the next completely unhinged. I looked up the medications and found that manic episodes was a side effect. Being on a medication doesn't necessarily fix the problem. Many counselors, psychiatrists, and psychologists through no fault of their own struggle to understand the depth of the issue. Depression is a physical ailment, a disease, much like cancer. It is a cancer of the mind but people who suffer it are often ostracized because it can be draining to be around someone with depression. It can be maddening to have to excuse certain behaviors because of mental illness and the inability to reason with that person. It is frustrating to not be able to heal it quickly or in a specific time period as you would heal a broken leg. It is the unseen blackness that spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and sometimes even physically kills.
From the outside, suicide is a selfish, abusive act. It is something none of us who know people who have killed or tried to kill themselves can fully understand. The anger and volatile grief that arise from the living victims of suicide are just as legitimate as those of the person who lost the will to live, and we must not forget that. Those loved ones that discover in shock the body of a friend or family member will forever have that last image etched in their mind. Those loved ones who will forever live with the guilt that maybe they could have done more even if nothing more could have been done will find it hard to move forward. Those angry and disillusioned feelings are entirely valid and should be given the same respect as those who are suffering the depression themselves. Even Scripture says that when one part of the body suffers, the rest of the body suffers. Most of the people I know who struggle with depression are aware of the sad reality that it affects all of their relationships. There are others who don't, because they legitimately cannot feel empathy in the midst of their own struggles. There are those who care deeply for those who struggle with depression but have no idea how to help.
People struggle on different levels with depression and so our experiences vary greatly, but I will never, ever, ever, ever tell someone that their feelings on that matter are not valid. That would be like telling someone who has stage 1 cancer that they can't possibly be as scared and suffering as someone with stage 4 cancer. Everyone's individual experience is valid, it is their own, and not one of us has the right to tell someone otherwise.
What we can do is pray, reach out, come forward with our struggles, seek help, advocate for help for others, and do our best to just be present to those who need us, even if by their own choice in suffering, they have isolated themselves.
Don't ever, EVER tell someone they don't understand. Because some things, we just don't know.
Every life has worth. Every life is worth fighting for, and God proved His love in showing us that every life is worth dying for.
And as I finish writing this very emotional post, I ask for prayers. As we speak, someone I love very much is in the ER for a mental health related issue.
Thank you and God bless.
I am someone who has been on both sides of the issue and just feel the cathartic need to share some very important thoughts - thoughts that are rarely considered in the debates that I have been witnessing, and it is truly a tragedy in and of itself that such an important topic has become laced with anger and division. We are speaking of life and death, and the utter war people wage on a daily basis between the two.
From the inside, suicide is never an act of free will unless it is in the context of suicide bomber. It is a result of the devastatingly painful loss of hope. When I was a teenager, suicide seemed like the only way. I felt I had no options and I lived in a very, very dark place in my heart. I was scared I would go to hell if I killed myself, and that ultimately saved my life, but I do wonder if had I not had a life-changing experience of the love of God at a retreat, if I would have cared about that at all. For the seriously depressed, it is the legitimate belief that the world would be better off without you. It is the legitimate belief that people will not care if you are gone. It is the legitimate belief that the pain will all be over soon. It is not a rational thinking process. There is no weighing of the pros and cons.
Many, many medications that are supposed to control these desperate feelings actually contribute to them. I remember someone very close to me would one second be a zombie, and the next completely unhinged. I looked up the medications and found that manic episodes was a side effect. Being on a medication doesn't necessarily fix the problem. Many counselors, psychiatrists, and psychologists through no fault of their own struggle to understand the depth of the issue. Depression is a physical ailment, a disease, much like cancer. It is a cancer of the mind but people who suffer it are often ostracized because it can be draining to be around someone with depression. It can be maddening to have to excuse certain behaviors because of mental illness and the inability to reason with that person. It is frustrating to not be able to heal it quickly or in a specific time period as you would heal a broken leg. It is the unseen blackness that spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and sometimes even physically kills.
From the outside, suicide is a selfish, abusive act. It is something none of us who know people who have killed or tried to kill themselves can fully understand. The anger and volatile grief that arise from the living victims of suicide are just as legitimate as those of the person who lost the will to live, and we must not forget that. Those loved ones that discover in shock the body of a friend or family member will forever have that last image etched in their mind. Those loved ones who will forever live with the guilt that maybe they could have done more even if nothing more could have been done will find it hard to move forward. Those angry and disillusioned feelings are entirely valid and should be given the same respect as those who are suffering the depression themselves. Even Scripture says that when one part of the body suffers, the rest of the body suffers. Most of the people I know who struggle with depression are aware of the sad reality that it affects all of their relationships. There are others who don't, because they legitimately cannot feel empathy in the midst of their own struggles. There are those who care deeply for those who struggle with depression but have no idea how to help.
People struggle on different levels with depression and so our experiences vary greatly, but I will never, ever, ever, ever tell someone that their feelings on that matter are not valid. That would be like telling someone who has stage 1 cancer that they can't possibly be as scared and suffering as someone with stage 4 cancer. Everyone's individual experience is valid, it is their own, and not one of us has the right to tell someone otherwise.
What we can do is pray, reach out, come forward with our struggles, seek help, advocate for help for others, and do our best to just be present to those who need us, even if by their own choice in suffering, they have isolated themselves.
Don't ever, EVER tell someone they don't understand. Because some things, we just don't know.
Every life has worth. Every life is worth fighting for, and God proved His love in showing us that every life is worth dying for.
And as I finish writing this very emotional post, I ask for prayers. As we speak, someone I love very much is in the ER for a mental health related issue.
Thank you and God bless.
Thursday, August 7, 2014
Why I Don't Care if People Criticize My Family Size
Our family, just before we moved to Kansas, right after Elias was born.
I hear and see SO MANY complaints from moms frustrated with the (often) rude comments people make about the number of kids they have, particularly if they are close together. Some of those comments include things such as..
"Haven't you figured out how that happens yet?"
"Maybe your husband should start sleeping on the couch."
"Wow, that's a big family." (Said at 3+ kids...)
"You have your hands full."
These comments which have been said to us even by people fairly close to us, don't bother me in the least.
Yes, I have figured out how that happens. (hehehe)
Yes, I do have my hands full.
It doesn't bother me because I am not at all surprised that someone can't understand why we would have three children in five years and still be open to more. When it comes down to it, there are a MILLION different reasons to NOT have a child.
Here are a few of ours:
1) We don't make very much money.
2) We have jobs that require odd hours and travel.
3) Our family lives far away and it could become fiscally impossible to visit them as plane ticket costs skyrocket. (Pun intended).
4) We are already out numbered, as parents.
5) Our house is small.
You get my drift.
So I can totally understand why someone would be surprised that we would be open to having more children. I don't fault them for it in the least, while there are more polite ways they could broach the subject, I love talking about our children and the joy they have brought to our lives. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that each child is a treasure for which we are so thankful, especially as I witness the painful, heart-breaking struggle of infertility.
Each child is SO UNBELIEVABLY different, and a lot of people don't understand that either. They think we just keep replicating the same DNA/person over and over again.... Procreating with reckless abandon, as my husband would say. Each child, though, is uniquely different from the other, and their contributions to our family and society will be vastly different. Even my relationship with each one is very different. My oldest is curious and more anxious than his brother and sister. My daughter is perceptive and affectionate. My youngest is shy but learns fast. Simply because they look alike or come from the same genes means nothing in terms of their personalities!
Some people may see me dealing with a toddler meltdown at the grocery store and think, "I'm so glad I don't have kids!" As I, myself, am thinking, "What was I thinking, having kids?" HA!
But so many more will see our family laugh, go on adventures, pray together, comfort each other, and love each other and in wonderment say "How do you do it - live your dreams and raise kids?" They are part of the dream, baby. ;)
So maybe instead of taking offense the next time an offensive comment is made, let's use it as an opportunity for joy - remembering that each child entrusted to us is a gift and we chose to have them despite having a million reasons not to. The sacrifice that comes from being a parent is incredible. But the love in mine and David's household is multiplied by three.
Our cup overfloweth.
Sometimes also our toilet...
But it's worth it.
This picture was taken at a restaurant we visited after recording all day in the studio. This is what happens when someone else's kid is crying in the restaurant. ;)
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
In Studio
WOW
As I reflect on the awesomeness that it is that we get to serve the Lord through the gift of music, I can't help but also see all the little miracles that are making this project possible.
First... the fundraising, (ongoing), and garage sale....got us here in the studio, paid the studio musicians and producer, our host family, some of our travel, and part of album photo shoot. I was hesitant to ask for money, but we knew that because this ministry is mutually dependent upon generosity and God's providence, He was calling us to trust that He will provide the means necessary to get this done! We aren't there yet, but I am confident that someone reading this will be inspired to help us finish this project and get it out to the masses! (Not Masses... not that kind of music...;))
Second... the week we left, David and I were exhausted. The week before recording we finished moving out of our rental home and into a home we just purchased, had the biggest fights over music production EVER in the history of our marriage almost hitting our breaking point and calling into question doing this together, but then played music for the most heart-wrenching life moment in the world... the funeral of a beautiful baby girl, Evelyn Bernadette. God really worked in our hearts as one couple grieved and celebrated the life of their child, and another couple, David and I, realized the life we have in our love and music and that ability to bring peace, life, joy, through those gifts even in the brutal storms of life and faith. This is not about us. We remembered that during that absolutely sacred time of ministry where Heaven and earth touched in a powerfully, glorious, gut-wrenching way.
Third... the travel.... The kids have been amazing. That's truly a miracle in and of itself, but we had two major glitches. We have had an incredibly generous host family that has opened their hearts and home to us this entire week. They are a family we didn't even really know, but felt inspired to let us use their house as a base camp this whole week. Traveling down, though, was not so easy to find shelter. There was no room in the inn -- the Holiday Inn or the Red Roof Inn, heck even Motel 6. We stopped at four or five exits and just were exhausted and thinking we were going to end up driving all night. Finally, I prayed for a miracle, literally. We asked Heaven's little saint, Evelyn Bernadette to pray for us! We arrive at the hotel, three cars in front of us and I was certain that the hotel would be full, but decided to try anyway. I go up to the counter and the clerk says, "I think I just sold my last room, but the guy wants to check it out first." The man comes down at that very moment and says he changed his mind and didn't want the room! King bed with pull out couch! There was space for all of us.
Fourth.... I was agonizing over who would take our photos for our CD... not many photographers have experience with taking photos for an album cover versus portraits. But it just so happens, our producer's girlfriend a talented photographer ! We're going to get photos done while we are here, too!
The recording is going famously, here at Innovation Studios with Mike Ofca , Studio Musicians, Pete Wilson, and Cameron Marburger.
We still have a lot of work to do. Please pray for us, and please, please help spread the word on this ministry that we will have the resources we need to get this music into the hands of a generation that needs to hear positive messages about God's love through music.
Also, some other exciting news! Lighthouse Media picked up one of my talks! So definitely share and this will also give you a sense of the work we are doing in this ministry!
God bless,
Off for now -
Noelle
PS. I keep meaning to update my weight loss blog but let's just sum it up as: meh. :P Details later...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)