Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Merry Christmas Letter :) Love, McHughs

Wow! What a year!

It's a year I'd rather not repeat in many ways, but also had many blessings. We've had a few health scares within our extended family, a very sick start to the year for our family, and oh yeah.. that pesky old IRS audit.

God has provided though, and all has been beautiful overall. Here are the TOP TEN HIGHLIGHTS of 2014 thus far...

10. We bought our first house. It's so nice to have a place to call our own and fix up the way we like. We've done a lot of work, but there's still a lot left to do! That's my 2015 resolution... finish!

9. The ministry has picked up and is going great! I just recently signed on with One Voice Media as an artist with them and they have been so good and faithful in taking the booking portion over for me. I was up to my ears in all the contracts and emails and paperwork. They have been such a blessing to us! We will be launching my new website just around the corner of 2015... so stay tuned.

8. We ran a mostly successful GoFundMe campaign http://www.gofundme.com/9mm60s   and recorded our first independent CD with Mike Ofca at Innovation Studios! It's just been mastered and now we are working on the CD art and saving up to be able to mass produce the CDs.

7. We started our first year of homeschooling. It's had its ups and downs. I love, love, love teaching the kids and watching them learn and hear them repeat what they've learned and spend time with them. But I have also found... I need a break! I'm going into this next semester with that in mind. More structure and more break for me. Let's just say at my last Confession the priest suggested I need to get away and go to Vegas... haha. :) But we plug away! We'll see how it goes!

6. David's job is going really well. I am so proud at what he has been doing at the parish. It's a really dynamic place and he's had great support from the community here, great team, great staff, great parents, and great teens. This has been a good place for us. I had so many fears, moving to a new place, working at a new parish, pastor changes the first few months, but it's really been good!

5. I got a Lighthouse CD.... that's pretty cool. http://www.lighthousecatholicmedia.org/store/title/getting-others-to-heaven

4. David and his youth group won a video competition and the video was shown to the Pope. That was pretty AMAZING! : ) Just waiting on our invitation to the Vatican...

3. We connected with the website that David and I met on... www.avemariasingles.com and will be partnering in some ministry opportunities with them! Including a past retreat and an upcoming cruise!! My parents will be coming in to watch our kids, so while I will miss them SO MUCH David and I will enjoy the time together to focus on our marriage and help others with their vocation discernment!

2. We won the lottery!! Just kidding. But...

1. We are expecting BABY #4 at the end of July 2015!! So in a way,  we did win the lottery. A lottery of children. ;)  We are happy and excited. (Praying for a girl... can I do that?) :P


MERRY CHRISTMAS! I hope your year has been good and we would love to hear from you!

God bless!! Many prayers for you and yours this blessed week!

Saturday, December 20, 2014

I Don't Have to Be Good at That

Sorry for the delay in posting. It's been a busy advent!

Many of you already know that we are expecting our fourth child. The first trimester is really hard for me - I will basically explode in weight gain, feel nauseous 24/7, and have the energy of whatever the opposite of the energizer bunny is. So, just to keep up with regular every day stuff has been a challenge.

I haven't even worked out at all. I had an issue with my foot, then morning sickness hit, and I just can't over-exert myself or I am not a happy camper for the rest of the day. This has led to sort of a depression. I realize it is temporary and I'm thankful for the reason I feel this way - life! But gee whiz, I'm really, really bummed out.

I keep seeing photos on Facebook or articles or blogs on these fantastic Christmas projects, cookies, decorations, etc and I've been feeling like a failure. My gingerbread house with the kids looked like a gingerbread junk yard/shack. Lucia said it was a Christmas spiderweb. I haven't even yet found all our Christmas decorations, much less put them up. I haven't even finished Christmas shopping!

Then I remembered something...

I don't HAVE to be good at any of that stuff.

Let me say it again for my own sake...

I don't HAVE to be good at any of that stuff.

There are so many things I am not good at, that I have to do, but baking an assortment of homemade treats, carefully handcrafting personally made items for gifts, or having the Martha Stewart approved decorative home are not things that I HAVE to be good at. I'd like to be good at some of that stuff for sure, and maybe one year I will really have the energy to go all out....

But this year... this is what I HAVE to be good at...

I have to remember that Christmas "doesn't come from a store, perhaps Christmas....means a little bit more" -- That's from "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" which I've been playing for my kids who also got a little too caught up in the gimmies and "commercial racket" of Christmas (Charlie Brown's Christmas) !

I am thrilled to give my kids presents on Christmas day. Even my husband - I can't wait till he sees what I got for him, because I put so much work into saving up for his gift. I'm excited about that Christmas morning. I'm not saying we shouldn't be excited for those moments or prepare for those moments doing whatever is left that needs to be done.

I just need to throw off the comparison shackles and quit thinking I fail at Christmas because others are so pro at Christmas fun!

I need to remember that Christmas isn't just about giving, it's about being generous. It's about being compassionate. It's about being humble. It's about receiving. Being open to receive... open to letting the joy and love of Christ's coming enter into my home. We sing songs about peace on earth and all that jazz, and yet I find this time of year absolutely chaotic! I need to be good at stepping back from all the things I wish I could do or would do but can't or just don't have time to do, and take a breath... and smile. And be a person that understands peace is in the stillness.

I need to follow the star in my own life, instead of chasing the traditions or activities that I feel I am "supposed" to partake in.

That night long ago... no carols... no parties... no jingle bells... just that quiet night where there shone a bright star in the sky. And all were filled with wonder and awe, rejoicing... Unto us a Child is born, A Savior, Christ the King.

Come, let us adore Him.

PS. Christmas cards will be late.

;)


Sunday, November 30, 2014

Advent: What are YOU doing? Guest Post by Deacon Chip Jones

What Are You Doing?

Where did the year go?  It seems like it was just January!  But here we are, at the first Sunday of Advent!    

Advent is a season of the year in which the Church is “waiting”. Not waiting in lines in stores (though we will); not waiting on orders from Amazon.com; not waiting on the next sale.  Advent is a time of waiting…for Christ!

And I think it’s interesting that the culture’s focus goes, so early, to all the warm-and-fuzzy Christmas images, of the baby Jesus (if they can stand Him), and snowmen, reindeer and candy canes.  It’s interesting, because as Church, we spend the first half of Advent focused on the second coming of Christ, which is not going to be a warm-and-fuzzy event at all.  And the themes are a little…cautionary, to say the least.  “Keep watch! The Son of Man will show up like a thief in the night!  Don’t get caught sleeping!”  The first half of Advent is all about being prepared for the Last Judgment, not soft and cuddly stuff!

And being prepared for Christ’s return should be the focus of every Christian life.  But how we are waiting…and what we are doing while we are waiting…that’s far more important than just “watching and waiting”.

Isaiah describes, in today’s first reading, a people who have “wandered” from God’s ways.  And the prophet prays that God will return, and that God “might meet us doing right!”  Isaiah describes Israel in extreme terms: you are angry, and we are sinful; all of us have become like unclean people, all our good deeds are like polluted rags”.  He is describing a people that has turned its back on God, and yet Isaiah still acknowledges that God can help them get back on track! 

The Gospel isn’t any more comforting; it’s short and sweet, but still kind of threatening:  Be watchful! Be alert!  Don’t let me come back and find you sleeping!  Watch!

But see…these aren’t happy, feel-good readings; we can be tempted put a big “Doesn’t apply to me!” stamp on it, and stop listening.  Or we can hear them and say “Yep, Got it!”, check the box, and still stop listening.

It really isn’t the stuff of touchy-feely Christmas Cheer.

But there is more to these readings than scary words.  Look back to the parable Jesus used in this Gospel:  “It is like a man traveling abroad.  He leaves home and places his servants in charge, each with his own work, and orders the gatekeeper to be on the watch.”  Brothers and sisters…the master left His servants with work to do.  And what did Isaiah pray?  “Would that you might meet us doing right, that we were mindful of you in our ways!  

A few of us might be total reprobates, the worst of the worst; if you are, and you’re here…Thanks be to God! There’s hope for you! But honestly, most of us aren’t evil people. We are just making our way through the world the best we can, with gifts we have, trying to do right. 

But Jesus isn’t talking just to the best of us.  Isaiah isn’t talking about just the worst of us.  They’re both talking to all of us.

What do I mean?  Well...if we are traipsing along in life, making it to Mass, but not much more, thinking that the sin in our lives isn’t really that bad...we are wrong!  Likewise…if we are sitting in the church every day, praying, reading the Bible, and figuring everything is OK, but doing nothing more…we are wrong, too!  God needs more than that out of us!

I know…it’s Advent, Christmas is coming…and I am bringing everyone down!  Besides, what do I expect?  I mean, if you’re coming to Mass, isn’t that a good thing? (Yes!)  If your kids are involved in Youth Ministry, or Religious Ed…isn’t that a good thing? (Yes!)  And if you’re spending time in Adoration, or praying the Rosary, or the Divine Mercy Chaplet, or reading the Bible…isn’t that good? (Yes!)

But brothers and sisters…God has armed us to do even more!  And He did that because the work He left for us to do wasn’t about doing our own thing, or even about saving our own soul.  It was about doing things, using our talents, to bring forth fruit for the Kingdom!  And how do we do that? We do it by working wherever God calls us to, according to our state in life, to lead other people to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ!

So, you come to Mass?  Invite your neighbor! You’re involved in a Bible study?  Ask about helping to start one for the young adults or the youth! Your kids are in Youth Ministry?  Suggest they invite a friend (even a non-Catholic one)!

Do you know any Hispanic members of your parish family?  Meet some!  Or spend time with the folks you already know!  Join the Knights of Columbus; work with St. Vincent de Paul.  Buy a devotional for your family, and commit to praying from it, as a family, every week, or even every day!  But whatever you do…do something, intentionally, to advance the Kingdom!  Because, brothers and sisters…we are called to work for the kingdom, not just “watch!”

The culture wants us to focus on the things that make us feel good: snowmen, and candy canes, manger scenes and Christmas trees.  And all those things are nice, in their place.

But as we enter this season of Advent, there is so much more that God is calling us to think about.  

When we remember that Christ is coming back, and that it means something that He’s coming back, it ought to make us look closely at our lives, to see how we are living, and to change what we can do be prepared for His return.  And we ought to be watchful. We need to be ready.

But we also need to be working.  And thanks be to God that He has equipped us for the work we need to do!  As Paul said in the second reading, we are all equipped with “the grace of God bestowed on [us] in Christ Jesus, … with all discourse and all knowledge, … so that [we] are not lacking in any spiritual gift as [we] wait for the revelation of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

We already have the toolkit we need to work for the Kingdom. We have already received the grace we need to do what we have been called to do!

Watching is good.  But working while we watch...That’s what we’re called to do.


So…what are you doing?

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

A Love Letter

Haven't blogged much lately, but I have been doing a lot of reflecting..

As you all know from my previous blog post, "If I Should Die Before I Wake", Brittany Maynard's tragic story of being afraid of dying to cancer and instead choosing to take her own life was really, really devastating to me. One thing that did strike me, the silver lining in a hopeless situation, is that she made a point to say goodbye to her loved ones, as some people on their death bed have the blessing to do. It's a shame she took her life and I don't ever wish that upon anyone - I don't believe it is "dying with dignity" I believe it is dying with fear of the future. People all over die with dignity despite the physical suffering, emotional torment, dependency on others, suddenness... because being loved gives them that dignity. Whether their lives are taken by illness, abuse, old age, wreck, abortion, or no explicable reason... love gives us dignity in life and in death.

This isn't the original intention of this post, though. I started to think about what I want my kids and husband to hear from me, should I not have the opportunity to have a "final countdown" so to speak... should I die unexpectedly. I know this seems morbid, but in my mind, it is beautiful because I truly try to live an intentional life. I do my best to love and serve, though imperfectly, often laced with insecurity, impatience, sin, and selfishness. For example, just today... I had to apologize to my kids for losing my temper, taking toys away and basically telling them they couldn't have fun ever again! It was literally just one thing after another, but I know that's no excuse.

I especially reflect on my mortality and love of family when we are separated. I am flying to El Paso for an event this weekend, and I will miss them terribly, but they know that "Mommy goes to tell people that Jesus loves them." And they want to grow up to do that too. It would be so amazing to me if they did. Every time I travel, I really consciously have to surrender my family and my own future.

But what I would say to them is this...


My Beautiful Children, My Holy Husband,

If you should ever learn anything from me, I pray that it is that you know and believe that God loves you so much. Sometimes I look at you each, so different, and I am so full of love for you that I could burst. I see how you love each other and I know in those moments I am experiencing Christ Himself.

Just love.

When you do something wrong, and I am upset at first, I am moved to forgive you not just because you are sorry, but because I love you so much. In these moments, I imagine how God has mercy on me, in the same way.

Be merciful.

I hope that you saw me have a welcoming heart and welcoming home. I hope you saw me treat others with respect and kindness and generosity and when I didn't, I hope you saw me apologize and ask forgiveness. I hope you saw me forgive others. I hope I was a good example of "doing unto others..." I mainly just hope you saw me start over day after day, because that's really what being holy takes. Sometimes we fall so we can get back up again.

Don't ever give up.

My boys... I pray especially for your virtue of chastity and honoring women. I pray that you know what it takes to be a man. You are a defender and protector. Your dad is my true love because he puts Christ first and would do anything to protect me from not just physical harm, but spiritual harm as well. I was his first kiss, and that was a priceless gift to me. Be a holy man of God, because that is the most deeply desired quality in a woman's heart. Be a holy man of God, because you will make your mama so, so proud. I never stop praying for you, ever.

My daughter or daughters, should I be blessed to have another :) You are beautiful. Always listen when your dad tells you that you are beautiful because he loves you and wants the best for you. Let him be the man that you hold all other men up to. He is the standard, don't let anyone love you less. though it would be pretty hard for anyone to love you more. Pray everyday. Your holiness makes you beautiful. It makes you loving and kind and forgiving and hopeful. Sure, don't neglect your appearance, but know that when you have the light of Christ in you, that is the most attractive quality in the world. I never stop praying for you, ever.

My holy husband, David. I know that I have a long ways to go in the area of good wife and mother. I know you have suffered greatly through my lack of culinary expertise. But I want you to know that I'm your biggest fan. I believe in you and I love you. When you pray every morning, you remind me to not neglect my relationship with the Lord in the midst of our crazy lives. You are the one that brings our family close to the Lord and I am so happy that you will teach our boys to be men of God and show our daughter, or daughterS someday, what to look for in a man. I know that no matter what, we will always meet in the Eucharist.

I love you.

I love you Damien, Lucia, Elias. I love you, David.

I hope I tell you that everyday. You are the best gifts I've ever received. I can't believe sometimes, that I have the privilege to be your wife, your mother.

God must really, really love me.

Love, Mommy/Noelle

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

You Did Not Choose Me, No I Chose You - GUEST POST JOHN ANGOTTI

This week, I invited my friend, John Angotti, whom I have known for over fifteen years, to share his adoption story. John is a Catholic recording artist, speaker, and music missionary. He uses music to share the Gospel to people of all ages, nationally and internationally. He was instrumental in my own ministry, mentoring me, and helping me to grow in my own talents and confidence. I am blessed to call him friend over the years, and so very thankful that he was willing to share his story on this blog. 

This is National Adoption Month. Many of you know I have three adopted siblings. I rarely think of them as adopted, because we grew up very close and love each other deeply and have been through a lot together. At the same time, I don't know what it is like to be adopted, nor do I realize the pain of realizing that someone didn't want, couldn't care for, or was forced to give their child up. I don't know the wonders of what could have been or what should have been. 


But an adoption is a beautiful gift and witness of our faith because it is to be chosen. To be loved as not an obligation or simply familial tie, but as a free will choice. Yes, there are crummy adoption stories (and crummy non-adoption stories), but the point is that choosing to love is at the crux of our faith and what it means to be Christian. 


"You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you, that you might go and bear fruit-- fruit that will last-- and so that whatever you ask in My Name, My Father will give you." -- John 15:16


Thank you, again, John for this message. 





ADOPTION IS THE OPTION – the story of an adopted child.


This story begins a long time ago in a small town called Lost Creek, West Virginia.  A young beautiful petite 16-year-old girl, who lived on a farm, fell for a handsome athletic 17-year boy who had lost his mother at an early age and lived basically in poverty with his father and brother.  The young girl ended up getting pregnant but tried to hide it from her father.  It would have been a disgrace to the family.  She continued to work on the farm but wear large clothes to hide her pregnancy.  She confided in her sister and some family and friends.  Then one hot day in August as she was helping on the farm, her water broke and the reality of her situation was made known to her father who was furious.  This was an embarrassment for him and the family so they rushed her off to a neighboring town to have the baby.  Nestled up on the mountain top in Phillipi, West Virginia was Alderson-Broadus Hospital where she gave birth to a baby boy.  It was a difficult delivery with a lot of blood and pain but both her and the baby survived.  A day or so later after she recovered, she silently went to the nursery, said goodbye to the life she had just brought into the world, and her life went on.  The baby didn’t have a name so the nurses named him Joseph.
Joseph was then put with an adoption agency and within a month he was placed in a family that had already had adopted two other children and even a couple years after they adopted him, they adopted another.  This family was a Catholic family of Italian decent where the mother was a musician.  As Joseph grew up he always knew he was adopted.  His parents always let the children know that they were chosen.  But he struggled.  He always felt he didn’t fit in.  His cousins all had dark hair and dark skin and they all looked alike.  His older brother had medical problems and his older sister was needy and required more attention than he.  So Joseph spent a lot of time alone.   He grew up being mandated to take piano lessons.  He hated those piano lessons, but his mother insisted.  She made sure the routine of practice occurred daily.  Going to church was something else that wasn’t an option for the family.  Faith was important to the parents.  The father grew up during the depression.  His family came from Italy for a better life but struggled through this era holding on to each other and God.  The mother was also a product of parents who came from Italy for a better life as they struggled.  The work ethic and Italian family values and traditions of the parents were instilled in Joseph.  He may not have had all Italian blood in him but he had the Italian heart.  
Joseph’s parents were very strict.  He wasn’t allowed to do a lot of things his friends were allowed to do, so while he was attending Catholic High School, he visited the Preparatory Seminary where he felt called for a couple of reasons.  One was that he felt free there.  Another one was that the living conditions seemed attractive. There was an indoor pool; sports that he loved; the mall was close; it seemed like he would have more fun and escape the rigid life at home.  But mainly it was the music at the Mass that pulled on his heart.  It was a calling that he couldn’t define but felt it.  So off he went to spend his last three years of high school.  His parents were so proud that he was in the seminary to discern priesthood.  But inside he felt freed and that he belonged.  

Because of those mandated piano lessons, Joseph excelled musically.  He became the lead musician of the all male choir and planned all the music for the school masses that occurred daily.  Music was a big deal at the high school seminary.  The choir toured every year and between his junior and senior year, the choir master, Father Magary, decided to record a cassette.  Joseph was the lead cantor on the recording at 16.  

Joseph went onto the college seminary for a year, met a girl, struggled with his grades and ended up at West Virginia University.  He graduated with a degree in marketing and finally couldn’t ignore the music that continued to call him from within.  He went on to musical school and was the lead singer in the US Navy Band.  He always felt something missing in his life and was always drawn to church not on his own but because his adopted mother would encourage him to go and participate with his musical gifts.
After his Naval journey and working in the business world, playing in bars and rock bands, and struggling through relationships he met Tracy.  They got married and the road was rocky from the beginning.  After a difficult time Joseph began to realize that something was wrong with him.  He didn’t want to live anymore and had thoughts of ending it all.  But he sought help to figure out what was going on inside of him.
Through counseling, tears, facing fears, and lots of prayer, Joseph found out that he suffered from something called “separation anxiety.”  Separation anxiety is what many adopted children have if they don’t feel loved enough from the adopted parents.  The wound of being left by the natural mother is so deep it is unconscious in the individual but shows itself through difficulties in relationships or even trusting that someone could love them.  The fear of being hurt is so deep that anytime someone gets close, they run the other way.  
Joseph actually had met his birth mother before he entered the Navy because of his longing to know who he was.  They developed a friendship but Joseph became aware that he was in a much better place with his adopted parents.  He called his birth mother after his marriage difficulty to ask her why she gave him up for adoption.   She told him with tears in her eyes, that she had every intention of keeping him.  That she had an option and she chose life for him even though it made her life hard for a little while.  But that day when she went to see him in the nursery, she said she looked at him and loved him so much that she knew she could never give him the life he deserved, so she allowed him to be adopted by another.
That’s when it all began to click.  Even though the wound remains, he began to see how God was present through all of it and he could now deal with his issues in a positive manner.  His life progressed and he wrote songs and gave his witness to many of how it was the love of God that saved him since birth.  He has been able to help many people with their faith journey by bringing the reality of God presence to all of us through word and song.  His story and music reveal how God has worked throughout history through the work of human hands: through our ancestors, through Mary, through Jesus, through his birth mother, adopted parents, and through his wife and family.  Therefore, all because a 16 year old choose life the baby who was named Joseph at birth by the nurses became John Angotti who now shares his adoption story with the world so that all will know that through Christ, with Christ and in Christ, in the unity of the Holy Spirit all glory and honor belongs to God, forever and ever. Amen.



Wednesday, October 8, 2014

If I Should Die Before I Wake...

Today, two Facebook comments/statuses caught my attention. One was from a college student who used to be in my youth group and one was a comment on a thread discussing the Brittany Maynard "Dying with Dignity" story that has gone viral.


I'm confused... How can we be so sad about Robin Williams' suicide but then celebrate when a woman decides her lethal injection date?I'm not condemning her choice OR supporting it, as I am not in her position and I won't pretend like I am and cast judgement. However, society blindly believes something is great, just because a news story says so. Wake up and use your intelligence people! Gain a perspective or two.. this isn't black & white.

"To herald someone who ends their own life to avoid suffering is to cheapen the long and courageous suffering of those who fight to the finish."


I threw the second one, the comment on a thread from the Brittany Maynard story up on my Facebook wall to see what reaction it would get. 


I was really surprised that there wasn't much reaction at all, and it occurred to me that I have been quiet on this subject for awhile too because....


Well...


I wasn't sure what to think. 


I firmly believe in the seamless garment mentality when it comes to life issues - that life is sacred from conception until natural death. 


In this case, Brittany Maynard was diagnosed with a severe, rapid forming brain cancer. After being given the news that she would only have months to live, she chose not to try radiation and attempt to fight it, but rather to choose the day that she will die. November 1st. 


All Saints Day. 


She described her ideal death... painless... surrounded by people she loves.. with music in the background. This, to her, is dying with dignity.


Other than the fact that even though some words have been changed to make it sound a bit more rosy than it is... this *IS* a suicide. It IS taking one's own life. So the question comes down to.... why is it a beautiful thing in the eyes of society in Brittany's case, but so very tragic and disappointing in someone like Robin Williams' case? Are not/were not both seeking an end to their suffering? 


I came to know an amazing, amazing man, Chris Faddis, through his Facebook updates on the diagnosis, fight, and eventual death of his wife Angela.  I didn't know them personally, but saw their Facebook support group and prayed and grieved with them during their battle with cancer. I was blessed to meet Chris when I invited him to come to my parish in Michigan and share his story with us. And one thing I can say, for absolute certainty... 


Angela died with dignity. 


Her cancer didn't rob her of her dignity. Our suffering does not rob us of our dignity. 


This is why Mother Teresa formed a Home for the Dying. She said:  


"Death with dignity is to die with grace, in the knowledge that [you] are loved."


I have witnessed so, so many people battle cancer and other diseases and cancer, while it is a horrible, monstrous disease, taking our loved ones away from us through slow pain and suffering.... There remains dignity and beauty in each patient. Though we can't always see it through our sadness, anger, and our fears.


Angela Faddis was with her loved ones when she died. Angela was able to love and be loved right to and through her very last breath. She fought for every moment. 


Cancer has touched our family and cancer is a word that pierces the heart at its mere utterance. It takes our breath away, leaving us suffocating for air. 


But it cannot take our dignity. We are more than our health. We are more than the diseases we suffer or the crosses we bear. We have dignity because we are loved. Even the homeless man on the street of Calcutta, with no family, no friends, and no one even knows his name... is loved. The Missionaries Sisters of Charity show the dying love. 


This is death with dignity.  


We don't choose to suffer our disease or ailment because we believe there is some mysterious virtue we can only attain by martyring ourselves. We choose to suffer because we choose to live, and suffering is part of life. 


I will be praying for Brittany Maynard. I won't be praying for her to change her mind about taking her own life. I will be praying for her to realize that death with dignity happens because we are loved and not reduce death with dignity to a pain free death. The pain will end for all of us some day. But may every moment we have be a moment that matters. 


Whether I am diagnosed one day with cancer, or suffer trauma from a car accident, or carry the enormous weight of mental illness... I pray that my family helps me to fight, knowing each moment is sacred. And when it's time to let me go, they can do it knowing the battle is over and we loved each other till the last drop. 



Monday, October 6, 2014

She's Prettier Than Me

I have a confession to make.

I used to be a Green-Eyed Monster.

I was so insecure about myself, that I would stare at other girls --- not believing anyone would notice me... because I was invisible. I was ugly. I was fat. I was shy.

I watched other girls, not in a creeper way, but rather desiring whatever it was they had... beauty, athleticism, certain talents, charisma.

I never hated them, but I suppose it could have gotten to that point. I just desperately wanted to be like them, or even to be them.

One day, after confessing my jealousy for the umpteenth time, a priest said, "I want you to get in the habit of thanking God for whatever it is that you find yourself jealous about... I want you to say, 'Thank you, Lord, for making this girl beautiful.' or 'Thank you, Lord, for making this woman talented.' Even if you don't mean it. Say it."

I really wanted to conquer this nasty jealous beast which kept whispering in my ear,

"You're not good enough."

"You'll never look like her."

"You may as well give up."

"No one will ever like you as much as they like her."

It was eating away at my self-esteem and making me absolutely miserable.

So I cautiously began doing as the priest said. Whenever I met a beautiful woman, I would thank God for her beauty. Whenever I met a funny, charismatic, or outgoing woman, I would thank God for who she is and the gifts she has.

This LITERALLY changed my life.

My perspective is entirely different now, and I don't find myself to be a jealous beast anymore. After years of practicing this habit, I can honestly say I appreciate the beauty and talents I see in others. It really has caused me to see the unique personhood of each woman (or even man) I encounter. It makes me feel that my worth is not dependent upon what I have rated another person's worth to be. I'm not competing. I am who I am and you are who you are. I can acknowledge another woman's beauty or talent without diminishing my own. "She's a better singer than I am and that's... AWESOME!!" I feel more inclined to aspire to something greater than to give up and hide in my coat closet.

I still struggle with insecurity. I will always carry that cross, I think. But not in the way that I used to struggle - where I was insecure because I thought so little of myself and so highly (and highly jealous) of everyone else. These days I'm insecure as in, dangit why did I eat so much that now I can't squeeze into my favorite jeans. Or....  am I doing what I am supposed to be doing in ministry? Or, am I a good mom and wife? Those questions have real answers, but that's another blog topic!

I try to model this for my kids as well:

Wow, that guy is so strong! And you are strong, too, Damien.

That girl was so kind to play with us, wasn't she, Lucia? You girls play so nicely.

I want them to recognize their own uniqueness, while being able to acknowledge someone else's gifts.  I am so happy when Lucia matter of factly says, "That lady is so funny, Mom." Or "She is very nice to me." Or even "Look at her, she is so beautiful!"  If we spent more time thanking God for others, maybe we wouldn't have so much time to be down on ourselves, be jealous, or compare ourselves to other people. Maybe we would be more inclined to focus on who WE are and OUR own strengths and talents. Maybe we could better accept our own crosses, knowing that while other people have different strengths and talents, they also carry different crosses.

In the female land, but in mommy land in particular, this is such a difficult concept. Moms comparing whose house is cleaner and feeling like a failure. Moms comparing whose kids are smarter or more well-behaved... Been there! But before I let it get me down, I feel like it is important for me to thank God for those moms who have clean houses and well-behaved kids! I know it takes a TON of work to accomplish those feats! I also have to accept where I am at, that if I can't keep up or dress up or clean up... then those are areas I can keep plugging away at, but I'm also good at other things. When I wasn't cleaning the house, I was doing other productive things with my time, including taking a break!! When I was cleaning the house, I was contributing to my family's growth and health and sanity!

It's the simple, the mundane things that are really making us holy. ;)

That simple piece of advice so long ago -- to thank God for other people's beauty, talent, treasure, life, gifts, etc -- has changed my life, changed who I am becoming, and helped me get rid of the nasty green-eyed monster inside.

"When you are who you are called to be, you will set the world ablaze." - St. Catherine of Siena



Check out this Pinterest Rainbow Cake I attempted for my daughter's 3rd Birthday:


Here's mine:



Nailed It.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Tired of Being Tired

Tired of being tired...

Those were the words that jumped out at me at the Oremus prayer study we did at our Young Adult meeting tonight.  Lack of prayer takes sense of direction and purpose out of life. We just go through the motions and basically wonder... what is it all for?

I am so tired of being tired. It's not about getting enough hours of sleep, although I'd appreciate a couple extra. It's not about exercising or eating right, as I've been working on that mostly successfully...

It's about prayer!

I didn't realize that was the answer until tonight.

I've been so stressed, with so much to do, so much on my plate, so many battles I'm fighting with various stressful life situations, and trying to do it all just right, that I've let my prayer life slide once again.

The kids and I went to a Holy Hour this afternoon and it took me the full hour to get through one Rosary because my prayer looked like this...

"Hail Mary... STOP THAT, DAMIEN.... full of grace... DON'T TOUCH THAT DEAD BUG.... the Lord is with you... I TOLD YOU TO GO POTTY BEFORE WE CAME! Where was I? Sigh. Hail Mary...."

Yep. Literally.

In fact, the woman who showed up after me said, "You were counting down the minutes weren't you?"

Yes. Yes, I was.

Prayer has been chaotic, but it was so good to be reminded tonight that God wants me. He wants me. He desires me. No one desires or wants me like the Lord. No selfish reasons, no agenda, nothing He needs from me. He just wants me.

That set my anxious heart at peace.

That reminder helped me to see even where I have unrealistic expectations on others to want me like He wants me. To want me just because I am me and not because I'm needed... I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of the constant whining in this house and the needs of my family day to day and the repetitive chores and work that have to be done and bills that have to be paid. I know that as I'm saying this it sounds selfish. I don't shirk my vocation as wife and mother, but..... Sometimes I just want to pack up the family and start a little tribe somewhere in the woods!

I'm really excited to be working on my prayer life. I definitely have a lot of work to do in that area. My prayer life is chaos. My life is chaos. I need the peace that stems from that intimate relationship with God.

I'm ready to accept His invitation... I just forgot about it in my stack of bills and junk mail...

Saturday, September 20, 2014

My Profession of Faith

One day I asked David, my husband,  "Why do we have to say the Creed during the Rosary?"

"Because Mary told us to, duh," he responded.

"I know, but it's not really a prayer. It seems kind of pointless to have to say it."

"Well... then... you're a heretic."


Hahaha ... these are the conversations that go on in our house.


I really was puzzled by this, but in reading about the martyrdom that is going on all over the world especially as ISIS has brought this persecution to light, I wondered....

If I was kneeling before a camera with a masked man holding a knife to my neck and demanding that I convert to Islam, would I be able to holdfast to my Catholic faith?

I remember Sts. Perpetua and Felicity. who both had children they would be leaving behind. When pressured by her father to reconsider her Christian faith, Perpetua said, "See that pot over there? Can it be called by any other name than what it is? Neither can I call myself by any other name than what I am -- a Christian."

I think of my own children. What if they had to watch me die? Could I still profess my faith?

It hit me.. this is why we pray the creed. We practice verbalizing our beliefs so hopefully they become ingrained in us that we should be able to state our belief when put to the test.

The Creed, in the Mass, is called the "Profession of Faith." We literally profess what we believe....

My profession of faith as I recite the creed should be so ingrained in my heart, in my mind, and in my life, that there is no separating the two - even unto death. I would pray that I would have the courage and trust in the Lord that He is bigger than masked men with knives. He is more powerful than any sort of persecution, and He is infinitely more merciful than any would-be captor.

I grieve over all of our brothers and sisters who have been martyred, but I know that they are caught up in the love of the Lord now, and they are praying for us. (See a great homily on Christian persecution in my previous blogpost. )

Next time I won't be so flippant about reciting the Creed.

I will pray it boldly and in unison with our fellow Catholics around the world.

We practice the profession of faith. We pray it. Because if we were ever put to the test and asked what we believe... we could, in confidence and courage say, "I believe in one God, the Father Almighty..."



Monday, September 15, 2014

Why, God?

Whoever invented taxes was a jerk.

"Hmm... I really think we should be providing this service and paying for my salary... how should I do this.. OH I'll force people to pay me."

Ok, I get it, there are lots of benefits to taxes... roads, schools, libraries, civil/public services, firemen, police, and other important stuff.

But dang.

Alas was my sticker shock when I went to renew my license plate tags.

"That will be $523.27, " she said.

First of all, if I was asking for that money for a dang sticker on someone's car, I'd be handing them a glass of wine simultaneously.

"What? Five dollars and twenty-three cents?" I said.

"No, $523.27."

"What? FIVE HUNDRED? FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS?!" I said as I pulled my chin off the floor.

"Yes, FIVE TWO THREE POINT TWO SEVEN."

I just about burst into tears.

All I kept thinking was something about death and taxes and I'm so ready to live in a tent somewhere on an island with my family. An island with bountiful fruit trees.

Oy.

Why, God? Why can't we ever seem to get ahead?
-------

I went to our family Holy Hour by myself today and as I was praying the Joyful Mystery of the Rosary (When the angel Gabriel announces to Mary that she is to be the Mother of God). I noticed that she asks, "How can this be, since I have no relations with a man?"

She asks, "How can this be?" How can this happen?

I reflected on other times that the people in the Bible ask the Lord, "How can this be?"

One is 2 Kings 4:43 But his servant said, “How can I set this before a hundred people?” So he repeated, “Give it to the people and let them eat, for thus says the Lord, ‘They shall eat and have some left.’”

One is in John 6, I am the living bread which has come down from heaven. Anyone who eats this bread will live for ever; and the bread that I shall give is my flesh, for the life of the world.'
52 Then the Jews started arguing among themselves, 'How can this man give us his flesh to eat?'
53 Jesus replied to them: In all truth I tell you, if you do not eat the flesh of the Son ofman and drink his blood, you have no life in you.

Jesus says He is the Bread of Life and His followers ask, "How can this be?" How can this happen?

Then of course there is doubting Thomas. Poor Thomas. He just wanted proof of the Lord's resurrection. 
In each of these instances of someone asking the Lord, "How can this be?" He gives them explanations. He never says, "Shut up and just do what I say." Even though, really, the fact that He instructed us to do something should be enough for us to, well, do it. But He doesn't operate like that. 
He answers their questions. I never noticed that before. I always dwelt on Mary's humble submission and Thomas' lack of faith. The Lord says, "Blessed are they who have not seen and yet believe." I thought that meant that to question God is somehow sinful. 
But, the Lord asks us to have faith like a child. When my children ask "Why?" it is because they seek truth and they seek understanding. It's not that they don't trust me, it's that they genuinely want to know the answers. That's the kind of faith we are called to have. 
Faith, sometimes, seems like it's blind. We get caught up in advocating trust and surrender in this sort of passive, blind way. The Lord shows us in these passages that it is okay to cry out, "Why God?" or to ask Him "How can this be?" He isn't a magician who refuses to part with his secrets. He is an all-knowing God who sees the bigger picture beyond what we are capable of, allowing us to ask why and bringing us the answers we need and the signs of hope in Him.
So if you're wondering what the heck is going on in your life, ask Him. 
There is a distinctive attitude difference between Mary and Thomas, though, that is key to our questioning... 
Mary was open, but Thomas had already decided he would not believe -- " But he said to them, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe.”
We have to be open. When we ask, "Why, God?" We have to be ready for the Truth. We have to seek the Truth. We have to be open to the Truth. Not our truth - His Truth. 
Many times this cry occurs during a tragic time and can easily lead us to despair. We can probably all look back on points in our lives and see how what was once so terrible, has made and shaped us in some way, hopefully for the better. What once seemed insurmountable, we have overcome.  If we seek out answers, not just guided by our feelings at the moment, but really an openness to what God is calling us to, we will have peace, and He will give us the assurance we need. 

I hope and pray that walking as people of faith, we realize it isn't a blind-folded trust walk. It is an active following the Lord where He leads, eyes open and fixed on Him. It is a choice that calls us to put one foot in front of the other. It is a trust that bears fruit in understanding, joy, and peace. 

Praying for all of you who still have to renew your taxes in Ford County, Kansas. I'm already starting to save up for next year...

Why, God? 

:) 




Sunday, September 14, 2014

"No Religion Can Transform Evil into Good" (Guest Post by Fr. Terrance Klein)

This Homily was given by the Associate Pastor of the Cathedral of Our Lady of Guadalupe in Dodge City, Kansas this weekend, the Feast of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross. I was very moved by the message and asked Fr. Terrance Klein to send it to me so that I could share with you all. I bolded the parts that hit home for me. It is important to remember you and I are being persecuted - we don't feel ill effects at the moment, but the mere fact that our brothers and sisters around the world are suffering and dying because they share our faith is a persecution we should feel keenly in our hearts. Please, take action. Pray and support Catholic Relief Services. See my previous blog for how you can help. 

Peace - Noelle

THE EXALTATION OF THE HOLY CROSS
Fr. Terrance Klein
Cathedral of Our Lady of Guadalupe
09.14.2014



Numbers 21: 4b-9   Philippians 2: 6-11   John 3: 13-17


About one third of the world’s population is Christian.  Each year, more than twenty-five million people are baptized into the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  And each year, about one hundred thousand Christians are martyred, coming to share fully in the death of Christ.
There has never been a century since Christ in which Christians did not give their lives for the faith.  From the beginning they were acknowledged as martyrs, those whose witness to Christ was writ in blood.  But, whether one considers numbers or percentages, put bluntly, as John Allen does in his 2013 The Global War on Christians, we are “today indisputably are the most persecuted religious body on the planet” 
Allen’s book easily marshals examples.  “The evangelical group Open Doors, devoted to monitoring anti-Christian persecution, estimates that one hundred million Christians worldwide presently face interrogation, arrest, torture, or even death because of their religious convictions.”  
For example, in 2008, in northeastern India “a series of riots ended with as many as five hundred Christians killed, many hacked to death by machete-wielding Hindu radicals, thousands more were injured; and at least fifty thousand were left homeless.”  
In Nigeria the militant Islamic group Boko Haram “is held responsible for almost three thousand deaths.”  Like its counterpart in Egypt, Christians and their churches are targeted.  
In North Korea “roughly a quarter of the country’s two hundred thousand to four hundred thousand Christians are believed to be living in forced labor camps because of their refusal to join the national cult around founder Kim Il Sung…Some three hundred thousand Christians in North Korea have simply disappeared and are presumed to be dead.”
Before the first Gulf War, more than a million and a half Iraqis were Christians, whose origins dated to the age of the apostles.  A year ago, after relentless bombings and unrestrained persecution, the number of them in Iraq was close to one hundred thousand.  That was before the rise of ISIS and its declaration that there is nothing to give Christians “but the sword.”  This summer, in Mosul, Christians, including children, have been beheaded, even crucified. 
When unprecedented numbers of Christians are being murdered, what does it mean to celebrate—this year during our Sunday liturgies—the Exaltation of the Cross?  The Church Father Tertullian said that “the blood of martyrs is the seed of the Church,” but this seed should never be blithely scattered. Even as the Church celebrates her most faithful witnesses, she must also mourn their deaths.  
The Church exists to midwife the Kingdom of God, which is one of peace and justice.  She cannot ignore the injustice, the violence, perpetrated against her own people.  The meaning of this feast cannot be that it is good for men and women to die violently for the faith because, in doing so, they imitate Christ.  To exult the cross is not to celebrate violence, neither that inflicted upon Jesus nor upon his followers.
One cannot suggest that what happened on Calvary, two millennia ago, cancels the contemporary evil perpetrated against Christians, or anyone else.  The meaning of the cross is not that violence has been transformed into something that we proclaim—paradoxically, with an eye toward the world to come—as good.  That would make the cross of Christ an enemy of men and women, because what is evil—and his crucifixion surely was—cannot be baptized by blather into something good.
If the cross were simply a human horror, made inspirational by centuries of whitewashing piety, then to exult Calvary would be to perpetrate the very evil cited by many critics of religion.  It would be akin to that perversion of authentic Islam, which tells the fanatically violent that Paradise awaits them.  
The cross cancels our calculations. From the earth, looking up at its beams, at his bloodied, outstretched arms, it defies sense.  Those who stood beneath the cross saw it as the death of all their hopes, the terrible judgment of God upon the wickedness of earth.  
Only God can comprehend the cross, which is to say that no human dares to assign its meaning.  To call the cross the great mystery of God is to rebuke every human effort to domesticate the divine.  The death of Jesus upon the cross is not a past event that makes the present palatable for the persecuted.  
No, we must see the cross as the eternal, the standing-outside-of-time, the ever ancient and ever new decision of God, which is to enter into the abasement of sin and its consequent suffering.  Christians don’t go to their violent deaths because Christ went to Calvary.  Christ embraces the wood of the cross because the innocent died before him, died after him, continue to die.  
The cross draws all of human history—past, present, and future—into those outstretched arms.  The will of God—Father, Son, and Spirit—is revealed there.  The meaning of history is curiously carved into its wood.  

He emptied himself,
taking the form of a slave,
coming in human likeness;
and found human in appearance,
he humbled himself,
becoming obedient to death,
even death on a cross (Phil 2: 7-8).

No religion can transform evil into good.  Evil is absolute inanity, the complete absence of the good.  You cannot directly choose to do evil to accomplish the good.  Those who try only diminish the good, in themselves and the world.  
You can suffer evil, like the martyrs, or resist it, like those who fight to restrain it.  Martyrs are not passive, and soldiers are not evil.  They are righteous in resisting.  But there is a reason that the cross of Christ belongs on ambulances and not at the head of armies.  Christ chooses to suffer the cross.  Note the present tense of the verb.  Christ chooses.  It will never enter the past tense until the world, its sin and suffering, is gathered to him.

╬╬╬

Friday, September 12, 2014

Weightloss Blog Update

No weight change, again.

BUT, 2 inches down in the waist, 2 inches down in the chest, 1 down each arm and thigh.

BEFORE:


TODAY: 





I'm sooooo thankful to be back to feeling more energetic and stronger. While NO weight change is frustrating given I feel that weight should be going down... my energy and muscle are going up so hopefully that will help!

I've been rotating between ChaLEAN Extreme and P90X. I'm super happy to report that I can do one full tricep pushup. HA. Those are insane. 

I'm sad to report that I am very behind in drinking enough water per day, so I'm retaining so much fluid that I can't even get my ring off. That probably adds to the weight and I'm sure I'm confusing hunger pains and thirst pains. Our issue is that even with a filter, our tap water makes me gag. I can't stand our water, so if I don't have bottled water on hand, I don't drink it. Any suggestions on better water? Bleh. 

I love having muscle. I'm starting to lose my teacher arm. Woohoo! :P

It's a challenge to not emotionally eat. I'm really still going to probably struggle with that my whole life - eating from stress or boredom. I'm finding that planning meals is making it easier to resist ordering pizza or eating out or eating junk. I love the Jambalaya from 100 Days of Real Food. I substitute chicken for fish, so it is a chicken and sausage dish, but so good! We all love it and it's not too spicy. I have also made flatbread dough and we've made some good stuff out of that. Veggie fajitas and Thai Basil Salad with Rice have also make the cut. The good thing is one meal usually lasts a couple days (due to leftovers!). 


I ordered some great stuff from Azure Standard (Check the site and see if you have a drop in your area!) Organic produce, some deals are cheaper in stores. 

This week, I am going to count calories and see if I can't figure out this whole, lose a few pounds while exercising bit. 


Until next week....

Thursday, September 11, 2014

It Doesn't Hurt until it Does


They threw whatever belongings they could carry in a sack.

And they fled.

They wept as they left their homes, grateful for family.

Then they hid. They were hunted.

They were starved. They were found. They were slaughtered.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


This is the reality of terror around the world. Our persecuted Christian brothers and sisters are dealing with an incalculable evil. Kids holding up severed heads as the pride and joy of their fathers. Youtube and other media are being flooded with people searching for videos of the massacres out of sheer shock that this is actually still happening in 2014 or morbid curiosity to the viciously, brutal forms that evil can take.

What we are witnessing here is modern day Roman Coliseum. Instead of sitting in the stands cheering and watching Christians be martyred, we sit in the comfort of our own homes, allowing the same images from hundreds of years ago into our homes. Again, humanity takes a spectator's seat to the snuffing out of life after life in some of the most brutal manners possible.

When terror reached our shores thirteen years ago, we mourned. We walked in a daze, trying to make sense of this world. We looked to God, to politics, to world leaders, and begged for justice.

We are fortunate at this point, that the closest many of us get to the brutality of the Middle East is the news media, or perhaps some of our inner cities.

Consider the fear of those fleeing the twin towers. Consider the fear of those awaiting the inevitable crash of the plane they boarded that morning in belief that they would arrive home to their families soon. That gripping, paralyzing fear is something so many people live with day after day after day... and if not fear for themselves, fear for their loved ones.

So many bravely refuse to save their own lives by giving up their religious beliefs and are martyred because of it.

I reflected and prayed on what I could do? What can I do? I'm not in the military. I can't join a religious order to go and be a missionary or aid worker. What. Can. I. Do.

You see, it is something on the news that doesn't affect us, until it does. We should never be so naive to think we are immune to persecution. We never foresaw 9/11...

It's something that doesn't hurt us, until it does. Until it hits close to home or until we know someone hurt. It doesn't matter, really, if we know someone suffering personally- as a Christian, we are called to see EVERYONE as part of the Body of Christ. When one part suffers, the whole body suffers.

Or it should, at least. Beyond the shaking heads in shame and changing the tv station...

So what to do?

I was inspired recently by the "ALS Bucket Challenge" to do something similar for CRS - Catholic Relief Services.  Sarah Bauer Sansone, Catholic Recording Artist, called me up one day and said, "Hey! I have an idea!" And thus the "CRS Pass the Candle Challenge" was formed.

The idea is this: Light a candle with your family as a sign of solidarity with our persecuted Christian brothers and sisters to raise awareness for their plight. Then donate however much or little you can to Catholic Relief Services for their aid efforts to refugee Christians, and then "pass the candle" or "nominate" someone else to do the same.

You can see our simple video below. If the link doesn't work (I'm having trouble getting it from my phone to the blog), please see my Facebook page and I'll update the video here ASAP! 

Please help get the word out. This grassroots challenge can make a difference if enough people take a few moments to help! Again, any donation amount helps. The ALS Bucket Challenge raised millions of dollars for ALS Research. Now, let's help another suffering group.

Evil will never win. Goodness and love scatter the darkness. Demons flee at the sound of His Name.

God bless you all.