Thursday, June 26, 2014

My Daughter is Beautiful




Tell her she's beautiful every day. 

Don't tell her she's beautiful. 

Be honest with her. 

Compliment her mind, not her body. 

Don't talk about her body at all. 

Tell her she looks good even if she doesn't. 


AH!!  PLEASE!! SOMEONE STOP THE MADNESS!!!! 


First off, I have always struggled with my self-image. This is me, self-proclaimed original "Ugly Betty"... I think I was maybe around fourteen years old. 




I had bad acne, was overweight (I weighed as much as a teenager as I did pregnant with my third child...), braces, headgear, etc. The complete antithesis of cultural, feminine beauty. 

I wasn't pretty. No one told me I was pretty, but no one said I was ugly either, aside from one nasty kid at a pool a few years prior to this picture being taken. 

My mom told me that God doesn't make junk. That stuck with me.

Other than that no one made a big deal about how I looked, one way or the other. 

Consequently, my own self-talk, in my mind, was validated. 

"I'm ugly."

Fast forward. 

This is my daughter after a Father/Daughter dance. 

She is beautiful. 


I will always tell her that she is beautiful. 

I know the trend right now is to not talk to your daughter at all about her physical appearance, but rather to compliment her mind and heart and soul. 

I get that. 

But she wants to know she is beautiful. It is innate in her. Even when she was really little, she would ask me to put a dress on her, or she would grab one of my dresses and say, "Am I pwetty, mama?" 

"Yes, honey. You are beautiful." 

When I tell her she is beautiful, I want her to know that I say that from a place of deep love for her. When she hears someone else say she is beautiful, she will be able to recognize the difference between someone who says it out of love, and someone who says it without love - someone who wants to use her. 

She will know that she is beautiful, not sexy. 

She will know that she is beautiful because she is fearfully and wonderfully made, knit in her mother's womb, beloved, His beautiful one. (All Scripture references)

Of course, she is not limited by physical beauty. We affirm her for being kind, compassionate, brave, intelligent, prayerful, and helpful. But all of those things make her beautiful. 

To only affirm her heart, mind, and soul while rejecting her body as unimportant to who she is is really the opposite of anything holy - if the body were bad and not worth a second thought, it wouldn't have been redeemed on the cross. If the body were bad, it wouldn't be resurrected on the last day. 

I believe I should instead, teach her to love herself as a whole person. Society places so much emphasis on sex appeal, not beauty. We have to be careful when we are fighting one, to not fight the other. When she starts to change or gains a few pounds, or needs braces, etc, I want her to know she is beautiful because she is a child of God and His love for her makes her beautiful and that is unchanging beauty. 

I hope to teach her that her most attractive quality is her soul, and that holiness is the most beautiful thing in the world. 

I want to teach her that the more she is full of love, the more beautiful she is. 

They will see her beauty. Not just physical beauty, but the love of Christ radiating through her, spilling over to everyone around her. 

So, I say without reservation....

My daughter is beautiful. 







Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Top Ten Catholic Online Dating Suggestions

I just got home from a wonderful experience speaking and leading music at the Ave Maria Singles Retreat. It was truly an inspired and fantastic time getting to know so many unique, professional, and FUN people!

Many of you may know that David and I met via AveMariaSingles.com. David's first message said: So I can see by your profile that you can't cook... so I guess if it works out between us, we'll probably starve.

I didn't immediately respond to his message because he lived in Massachusetts and I was living in Michigan at the time, but something kept drawing me back to his profile -- we had so much in common -- so I decided.. what the heck... I'll shoot him a message. I was hooked. He was funny, flirty, holy. After a week, he called me. After two months of talking for hours every day, he came to visit. After seven months worth of visits, he came to live in Michigan. After seven months of living across the street from one another he proposed! Six months later, we married! 

David proposed to me during Adoration. He said, "I want to be a better man for you. I want to lead you to Heaven. Will you marry me?" Of course, I said, "YES!"



 This is when David messed up my name during our vows, calling me "Elena Noelle" instead of "Noelle Elena" and we could not stop laughing. 


 Our first dance was to "Earth Angel" and then "Angel" by Shaggy -- thanks to John Angotti for his amazing music at our reception, and to Podesta Imaging for photo cred! 

 

Almost five years later, we have three beautiful children ages (almost) 4, 2, and 1! 

________________________________________________


Now, a few things we have learned and some things that I learned at the retreat I attended this weekend. (If you've been out of the dating scene for awhile or just aren't sure what you are looking for in a man or woman, I recommend a singles retreat simply for the practice of meeting people and conversing. I almost felt like a social butterfly because it was so much fun to sit and chat with a bunch of people who were just as interested in meeting you as you were in getting to know them!) 

I've narrowed my dating advice, or really more like.. suggestions, to ten things:

1) Don't mass message or email a bunch of people. 

A generic email is less interesting than a personalized email addressed specifically to you. It shows personal interest, not desperation to find someone -- anyone. It also helps you to stick to your standards and not settle for just the person quickest to respond. I received many generic emails that asked questions that really I had already answered in my profile - so I could tell they hadn't read my profile!

2) Don't get too personal right away. 

One person I had met basically stated in his profile that he was once a womanizer or drunkard but now had seen the light. Eh... that's a bit too personal. Immediately, I jumped to being skeptical of this person's character. Someone else may have interpreted it as simply being honest and forthright, but if we let people see our deepest personal information right away, it can also take the fun out of getting to know someone and building an intimate relationship with that person. There are some things that everyone can know... like what kinds of sports we like to watch or what we like to eat, but then there are some things that should be left for our intimate, close friends and relationships like our deepest hope and dreams. 

3) Don't wait too long to meet. 

David and I really had a pretty short courtship compared to some of our other friends. We married about two years from our first meeting. Before we met, we had spent about two months talking on the phone to one another for hours -- literally hours -- every day! We had developed a relationship with one another over the phone and had an idea of what the other person was like, but when we first met, it was like we had to start all over again! The first day we met was really awkward! We just kind of stared at each other, because we realized that the comfort we had developed on the phone now had to develop in person and that the relationship was in many ways starting from scratch.  We had to see if we had chemistry together, if we could work with one another's quirks, and even if we could play music together! If we had waited longer, it would have been harder to use our rational thinking to determine that this relationship was really something we wanted to continue, because we would have been in love with the fantasy person with whom we had been communicating over the phone. 

4) Men, pursue!

There were some wonderful men and women on the Ave Maria Singles retreat and I couldn't believe they were single! Fabulous, intelligent, professional, attractive men and women who are hoping and praying for their future spouses. One of the things I LOVED about David was he was the first guy that really pursued me and initiated in our relationship. He called. I never had to. He emailed. He held the door. He paid for dates. He came up with dates. He asserted himself in crowds and introduced himself. He asked me to dance (even though we are horrible, horrible dancers). He asked me to pray with him. I loved that. All of this made me feel like I could settle into my role as woman and let him take care of me. There was a wonderful security in his pursuit. 

5) Women, be kind! 

At the Ave Maria Singles retreat, a few men told me that they would like to pursue women, but they are anxious because women have been cruel to them in the past. That broke my heart. Women... we don't need to be cruel. A simple "I'm flattered, but I'm sorry, no, thank you, I'm not interested in dating you at this time" should suffice. Responding any other way is not only hurtful to the men who try to find the courage to ask us out, but it is also extremely unbecoming to who we are as women. 

6) Pray together

When I first suggested reciting a prayer that I had found a couple weeks into our hourly phone calls, David told me that he wasn't sure if by praying together we would create a level of intimacy that we weren't ready for yet. He called me back shortly after consulting a fantastic spiritual advisor of his and said, "I was so crazy! If this is or isn't going to go anywhere, the Lord needs to be part of this! Let's pray!" Praying doesn't mean that the relationship is going to magically work out, but it does mean an openness to the Lord's will and desiring the relationship be centered on Christ. When we are centered on Christ, we can love one another the way Christ loves - beyond the feelings and into loving one another in spite of and despite of our flaws. 

7) Vocation is a calling but love is a choice. 

You may be called to marriage, but you are free to choose who you will enter that Covenant with -- and hopefully it will be a great choice! Love is a choice -- it is a decision, not a feeling. When we are in a relationship that isn't good for us, we say it is hard to walk away because we are in love with that person. The distinction is: We can choose to love someone or not to love someone, while we still may have feelings, attachment, and attraction to that person. This is important to note, because when the romantic feelings are gone during the day to day grind, after having kids, big arguments over petty things, big arguments over bigger things... we can still freely choose to love that person, and that makes our love and that relationship all the more meaningful due to our exercise of free will to love even when we or our significant other is being unlovable and it is sacrificial in nature! 

8) Be open to relocation.

My friend Rose Ferguson, President of Ave Maria Trips  made an intriguing observation... People who sign up for AveMariaSingles.com  choose to do so because they haven't met anyone they want to date in their current social circles, but they sometimes say they they are unwilling to relocate. This could be a potential problem if a relationship is built and neither person wants to move. The relationship then enters a standstill and "If you really loved me, you'd move" becomes the modus operandi and, in a way, a very real truth. If love is sacrificial and neither person is willing to budge on moving, then is it really love? I don't know... that would definitely need some major discerning!! David and I, once the relationship was established after meeting in person, were both open to moving. We had to trust, though, that the Lord would take care of us and we kept Him as the center so that we could have peace about whatever decision was made. David ultimately moved to Michigan simply because that's where a door opened. If he didn't find a job, I would have looked for jobs in his neck of the woods. 

9) Romance is amazing over long distance relationships, but takes work. 

Butterflies. All I ever had throughout the whole time David and I were dating was butterflies! He bought me flowers, earrings, made postcards with little drawings of us, and sent me at least one thoughtful text everyday. We played Scrabble online together and corresponded via snail mail, too! We worked hard to maintain our long distance relationship. We saved money for travel. We took pictures and printed them out and FRAMED them! I still have all the little notes and photos we shared during our time of long distance dating. We let the other person know they were always on our mind, hearts, and in our prayers! This is so, so important, because especially when you are not face to face, it would be easy for the other person to feel neglected or unloved by an absence of note or phone call. We had to build trust also - that the other person isn't secretly dating someone on the side - so we made sure to let the other know what we were doing, where we were, and who we were hanging out with. We called each other on typical "date" nights like Friday and Saturday just to let the other person know that they were our date for the evening despite the long distance!

David made this for me and sent it via snail mail. It says, "I hope that someday the distance between us will disappear forever."

10) Patience but Prudence

Meeting people online takes a lot of patience. Often, you can tell by the first or second date if someone is right for you or not, but when you meet online, that process can take a bit longer. There may be chemistry online, but not in person. The person may sound one way over their profile, but not live up to that reality in person. They may say they love working out, for example, but maybe they enjoy working out but never actually do it! They may say they love children, but never indicate that they'd rather not have any of their own. The list can go on. If you feel the Lord has called you to pursue finding someone online, don't expect the first contact to go anywhere. I and many people I know who have dabbled in the online dating site world have had many bad dates/bad communications, but the point is that the Lord will lead you through those experiences to refine yourself, your interaction with others, and help you see what you do and do not want in a spouse! 

Make sure, too, that you are ready for a serious relationship. Do you have past sins that need to be confessed? Do you have serious debt that you would bring into a relationship? Do you have unresolved issues with previous relationships or relationship experiences? Do you carry around bitterness and hatred towards an ex that will affect your relationship with someone new? Do you need to live life on your own for awhile, find a good job, get an education first? Do you need to work on your relationship with the Lord first? Many of those issues applied to me! When I was praying about my future spouse, the Lord told me, "You're not ready yet." When David was praying about his future spouse, the Lord told him, "She's not ready yet." 

Be patient, but be prudent in your pursuit of a spouse. 

May the Lord come first in your life! Smile more, pray more, heal, and forgive so you can love more! 

God bless!

Many prayers for all of your vocations!! 







Thursday, June 19, 2014

Where My Treasure Is

I have so many blog topics written down, but before I get to those...

I just wanted to take a moment and write a quick blog from the business/financial aspect of why we are asking for your financial support to help David and I record our first CD together!

We have covered the spiritual support, aspect, and I have told you how we operate our ministry from a "God provides" standpoint. That whatever we make or we don't make, God will provide. We do this because it keeps us humble, doesn't cloud our judgment as to where the Lord may be calling us, and frees us up to be recipients of the generosity of others, from the rich to the poor and everyone in between. We are totally dependent in this ministry upon the prayerful giving of others.

We are eternally grateful for the prayer commitments that have begun to pour in from even others who don't share our same faith. Your prayers will make this possible just as much as every $1 offered toward this project.

For the financial side...Why we are asking for money.... Frankly, if we could swing this recording all on our own, we would. But I think that the Lord has called us to humbly put ourselves out there and ask for money so that you may have a part and share in this ministry as well. We had savings. Then we moved to Kansas as the Lord called us to move to Dodge City! We had a tax refund. We got audited and our charity events were removed as deductions from our taxes (we were penalized for NOT making money, ironically). The Lord has provided but in ways we haven't always expected.

Where our treasure is, so shall our hearts be. You may not be able to sing or play an instrument. You may be on the front lines of ministry in mission work, volunteering at Church, or being a witness in the workplace or to family and friends. Each dollar contributed goes to support this CD and consequently, you are very much a part of this ministry through your generosity. We need the money for production costs, studio, studio musicians, CD artwork, mastering, duplication, and we would like to be able to pay our host family for allowing all five of us (that's right all of us!) to stay with them for a week in Steubenville!

We don't make much money on this ministry. I can tell you there are some events when we come out with nothing but the grace and joy of seeing the fruit of the Lord's work in us and those around us! There are other events where we come out with enough money to pay our bills and pour back into our music ministry or give to someone in need.

By supporting this project, you will support ministry through vocation. The music that will be on this CD will draw others closer to the Lord and will be a prayer for them. We use music as the vehicle for which to teach profound truths: You are beautifully and wonderfully made. We use music as the vehicle to take others deeper into prayer as they repeat the words to the songs and truly enter in to worship the Lord.

I cannot tell you how many people have come up saying that the Lord touched their heart in some way through the music. I have met with teens bearing fresh scars from cutting or suicide attempts, men and women in unhealthy sexual relationships who have realized the Lord calling them to live out purity, and even a young person abandoned by his parents to the foster care system who came to have a relationship with our Father in Heaven and believe for the first time that he was loved beyond measure. This is not to give glory to us, this is to give glory to God, that He is using us as His instruments, to change lives as men and women, boys and girls encounter Him through music and witness.

By contributing to this project, you are part of that. Your treasure, your heart, is part of this. Grace is flowing through you.

We cannot do it without you.

As for repayment, we have been praying for all of our donors. Everyone who contributes in some way will receive something from us! Whether it is a CD, a digital copy of the CD, a single download, a visit, etc.  You are in our prayers and rest assured God will reward even the smallest gift. In our experience, whenever we have given when even technically we had nothing, God rewarded our gifts even more abundantly than we could have ever hoped. It was that openness and trust in giving, that we were able to receive.

Thank you again. If you have questions, please let me know.


Here's the Link! To donate towards our CD funding campaign, CLICK HERE. To donate a prayer commitment, message me on Facebook!







Thursday, June 12, 2014

My House isn't Small. My Thankfulness is.

Recently, I was having a conversation in Spanish with someone who was asking me about our new house. Side note: It was amazing to me that I was actually speaking Spanish (at least, to me it was Spanish.. to him it may have been Spanglish with a side of southern accent!).

Anyway... he asked me how big it was and I said, well, it's a small house. The main floor is about 1000 square feet, but the basement is finished. 

"Wow. That's big."

I was instantly ashamed of myself as I remembered he lives in a smaller house... with multiple families.

I was instantly ashamed not so much because of what I said, but because of my lack of gratefulness. I am really excited about our house and we are working hard in it, but what I said didn't express that at all.  

In the first two houses David and I rented, we fell to our knees and prayed a prayer of thanksgiving for the house. In this new house, we've been focused on the work that we need to do to get it ready rather than just taking a moment to give thanks. 

When we are grateful, we take pride in showing off our blessings. I always show people pictures of my kids. I love them and know they are a blessing in my life. When someone gives me a thoughtful gift, I am excited to tell/show friends. 

But there are so many things in my life that I take for granted, and so many lessons I need to learn from others. 

I am currently in New Mexico and had a lovely conversation with a young youth minister here who asked me how to help people be less negative. It took me some time to understand, as we spoke, that what is at the root of all this negative talk is a lack of gratefulness. We complain because we are unsatisfied and we are unsatisfied because we want more, something different, or we are uncomfortable or suffering. It's easy to zoom in on the things that are causing us to complain rather than to turn our eyes towards the things for which we should be grateful. When we are grateful, we can experience joy and hope. When we become bitter by our circumstance, we only reflect bitterness, and will continue to be miserable and make others miserable around us. 

Being grateful isn't a feeling. It's a discipline. 

If we want to be a thankful people, we have to practice giving thanks. We all know the verse that instructs us to "Pray without ceasing", but the rest of that verse... 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says:

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 

We are instructed not just to give thanks when good things happen to us, but to give thanks in ALL circumstances. 

I'm going to make giving thanks a regular part of my day, to God and to my brothers and sisters in Christ who may not know how they are appreciated. To my family, to my wonderful, holy husband who is such a great dad and friend. 

Thank you for reading. :)


PS.  I continue to thank all of you who have blessed our CD funding campaign. We are almost to 30% of our goal, but have a ways to go. Please consider even the smallest donation or shortest prayer contribution. God bless! http://www.gofundme.com/9mm60s?preview=1


Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Weightloss Update!

Ahhhhhhhh

Last time: 155.
Today: 159

(*&*&#(*@&!

Just kidding, I'm not that upset as I totally expected it and actually was surprised I hadn't gained more.

Ah man.

So I have a bulging disk in my neck.... To say that makes me feel like I'm getting old! David found his first gray/white hairs in his beard the other day and I teased him. Now I have a bulging disk. No fair! haha

Well, I can't say that I'm going to jump back on the bandwagon super soon because I've really been struggling to find enough time in the day. Any chance I can get, I've been running over to do work in the house we just bought or I'm packing and sorting over here at the rental. Just a couple more weeks and it should settle down, I hope.

My main issue continues to be stress eating. I need a chill pill on the overly anxious, mindless eating. I need to do other things to deal with the stress. No excuses.

I'm not going to let myself down. I am going to get into a consistent healthy eating and exercise habit. I don't mind so much even how I look with a few extra pounds or love handles ... I just hate the way I feel when I'm not eating right or exercising. I feel lazy, sloppy, sluggish, achy, and just all around not the person I want to be for my family.

Thanks for your encouragement. Day by day, ya know? My goal is size 8. I'm size 10 now. And total weight loss has been 20-25 pounds. That's almost as much as my two years daughter weighs. When I look at that, I feel pretty accomplished. :P I lost a small child's worth of weight!

Size 8...So close.

I can do it?

I can do it!

The Giving Seed

Just.. wow.

I have been overwhelmed but the support shown to David and I as we fundraise for our new CD. At this point we are almost to 25% of our goal!!

I am floored by people who have given from their blessings, who have said, "God has blessed us, so we want to bless you."

I am floored by people who have given from their need, who have said, "I can't give much, but I want to offer this sacrifice for your ministry."

I am floored by people who have taken the daily time to remember us in prayer who have said, "I just want you to know, I don't have the money, but your ministry has helped me in my faith and I want you to know I will pray for you."

I am floored by people who have shared our GoFundMe link and reconnected us to people we ministered with a long, long time ago.

It has planted in me a giving seed.

We live in a society that consumes us.

Our technology consumes our time and attention that we should be giving to family. I sit at lunch and look at my emails and Facebook, zoning out when I should be GIVING that time and attention to my kids.

David and I just bought a house here in Dodge City, Kansas. It is a small house and we are having to downsize so we can fit in it without the clutter we have now and which we brought with us from Michigan. There is something so freeing in trying to simplify our lives. As I sort out what is to keep and what is to sell/give away, I find myself wondering.. "How on earth do I have so much?!" We don't make much money, we don't shop much, how can we have this much, sorry, crap?... Because we HANG ON to things. We don't let go. We don't clean out. We might "need" that thing later. It's just not a regular practice or habit we are in to get rid of stuff and it is so opposite the Gospel message to store our treasures in Heaven.

I remember when the band and I went on tour through Memphis, Alabama, Joplin, and Michigan to raise money for storm victims, it was for the purpose of raising money to help those in need. We couldn't do much individually, but collectively we raised almost $15, 000! We felt proud of ourselves initially, but then something wiped out that pride. In Joplin, a man came up to the band and emptied out his pockets, saying that he was homeless, but wanted to give what he had to help.

Wadded up dollar bills and some loose change.

THIS WAS THE GOSPEL COME TO LIFE!!!! He gave everything! This donation brought us to tears and we realized God was asking more from us - to give all. Not some. (Hence our band name, "All in Ministry". www.allinministry.com )

Now, I'm not asking you to send me all your money!! While we will continue to fundraise because it will be impossible for us to pull this one off on our own, I just want you to know you've inspired me, humbled me, and I am so thankful.

God is showing me so much through this process and through each person who has sent money or commitment to pray or just simply shared our link. I need to be more giving. Giving of my time -- Carefree Timelessness is what Matthew Kelly -- Catholic speaker and author-- calls it. Giving of my blessings -- surprise surplus money in the budget (rare, but it happens :P). Giving from my need -- offering sacrifice, taking up my cross, giving love and forgiveness till it hurts, trusting the Lord with our financial care and not letting it hinder me in helping someone in need. And Giving of my Prayer. I have been praying for all of the readers of this blog, the donors to our campaign and it has awakened me to how much I've been focused on praying for myself and my own needs, rather than spending more time praying for the needs of those around me.

Thank you for all you are and all you do. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your generosity.

Thank you for giving me the giving seed. :) I pray it continues to grow and bear fruit in all of us!

http://www.gofundme.com/9mm60s