Advent: What are YOU doing? Guest Post by Deacon Chip Jones

What Are You Doing?

Where did the year go?  It seems like it was just January!  But here we are, at the first Sunday of Advent!    

Advent is a season of the year in which the Church is “waiting”. Not waiting in lines in stores (though we will); not waiting on orders from Amazon.com; not waiting on the next sale.  Advent is a time of waiting…for Christ!

And I think it’s interesting that the culture’s focus goes, so early, to all the warm-and-fuzzy Christmas images, of the baby Jesus (if they can stand Him), and snowmen, reindeer and candy canes.  It’s interesting, because as Church, we spend the first half of Advent focused on the second coming of Christ, which is not going to be a warm-and-fuzzy event at all.  And the themes are a little…cautionary, to say the least.  “Keep watch! The Son of Man will show up like a thief in the night!  Don’t get caught sleeping!”  The first half of Advent is all about being prepared for the Last Judgment, not soft and cuddly stuff!

And being prepared for Christ’s return should be the focus of every Christian life.  But how we are waiting…and what we are doing while we are waiting…that’s far more important than just “watching and waiting”.

Isaiah describes, in today’s first reading, a people who have “wandered” from God’s ways.  And the prophet prays that God will return, and that God “might meet us doing right!”  Isaiah describes Israel in extreme terms: you are angry, and we are sinful; all of us have become like unclean people, all our good deeds are like polluted rags”.  He is describing a people that has turned its back on God, and yet Isaiah still acknowledges that God can help them get back on track! 

The Gospel isn’t any more comforting; it’s short and sweet, but still kind of threatening:  Be watchful! Be alert!  Don’t let me come back and find you sleeping!  Watch!

But see…these aren’t happy, feel-good readings; we can be tempted put a big “Doesn’t apply to me!” stamp on it, and stop listening.  Or we can hear them and say “Yep, Got it!”, check the box, and still stop listening.

It really isn’t the stuff of touchy-feely Christmas Cheer.

But there is more to these readings than scary words.  Look back to the parable Jesus used in this Gospel:  “It is like a man traveling abroad.  He leaves home and places his servants in charge, each with his own work, and orders the gatekeeper to be on the watch.”  Brothers and sisters…the master left His servants with work to do.  And what did Isaiah pray?  “Would that you might meet us doing right, that we were mindful of you in our ways!  

A few of us might be total reprobates, the worst of the worst; if you are, and you’re here…Thanks be to God! There’s hope for you! But honestly, most of us aren’t evil people. We are just making our way through the world the best we can, with gifts we have, trying to do right. 

But Jesus isn’t talking just to the best of us.  Isaiah isn’t talking about just the worst of us.  They’re both talking to all of us.

What do I mean?  Well...if we are traipsing along in life, making it to Mass, but not much more, thinking that the sin in our lives isn’t really that bad...we are wrong!  Likewise…if we are sitting in the church every day, praying, reading the Bible, and figuring everything is OK, but doing nothing more…we are wrong, too!  God needs more than that out of us!

I know…it’s Advent, Christmas is coming…and I am bringing everyone down!  Besides, what do I expect?  I mean, if you’re coming to Mass, isn’t that a good thing? (Yes!)  If your kids are involved in Youth Ministry, or Religious Ed…isn’t that a good thing? (Yes!)  And if you’re spending time in Adoration, or praying the Rosary, or the Divine Mercy Chaplet, or reading the Bible…isn’t that good? (Yes!)

But brothers and sisters…God has armed us to do even more!  And He did that because the work He left for us to do wasn’t about doing our own thing, or even about saving our own soul.  It was about doing things, using our talents, to bring forth fruit for the Kingdom!  And how do we do that? We do it by working wherever God calls us to, according to our state in life, to lead other people to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ!

So, you come to Mass?  Invite your neighbor! You’re involved in a Bible study?  Ask about helping to start one for the young adults or the youth! Your kids are in Youth Ministry?  Suggest they invite a friend (even a non-Catholic one)!

Do you know any Hispanic members of your parish family?  Meet some!  Or spend time with the folks you already know!  Join the Knights of Columbus; work with St. Vincent de Paul.  Buy a devotional for your family, and commit to praying from it, as a family, every week, or even every day!  But whatever you do…do something, intentionally, to advance the Kingdom!  Because, brothers and sisters…we are called to work for the kingdom, not just “watch!”

The culture wants us to focus on the things that make us feel good: snowmen, and candy canes, manger scenes and Christmas trees.  And all those things are nice, in their place.

But as we enter this season of Advent, there is so much more that God is calling us to think about.  

When we remember that Christ is coming back, and that it means something that He’s coming back, it ought to make us look closely at our lives, to see how we are living, and to change what we can do be prepared for His return.  And we ought to be watchful. We need to be ready.

But we also need to be working.  And thanks be to God that He has equipped us for the work we need to do!  As Paul said in the second reading, we are all equipped with “the grace of God bestowed on [us] in Christ Jesus, … with all discourse and all knowledge, … so that [we] are not lacking in any spiritual gift as [we] wait for the revelation of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

We already have the toolkit we need to work for the Kingdom. We have already received the grace we need to do what we have been called to do!

Watching is good.  But working while we watch...That’s what we’re called to do.

So…what are you doing?

She's Prettier Than Me

I have a confession to make.

I used to be a Green-Eyed Monster.

I was so insecure about myself, that I would stare at other girls --- not believing anyone would notice me... because I was invisible. I was ugly. I was fat. I was shy.

I watched other girls, not in a creeper way, but rather desiring whatever it was they had... beauty, athleticism, certain talents, charisma.

I never hated them, but I suppose it could have gotten to that point. I just desperately wanted to be like them, or even to be them.

One day, after confessing my jealousy for the umpteenth time, a priest said, "I want you to get in the habit of thanking God for whatever it is that you find yourself jealous about... I want you to say, 'Thank you, Lord, for making this girl beautiful.' or 'Thank you, Lord, for making this woman talented.' Even if you don't mean it. Say it."

I really wanted to conquer this nasty jealous beast which kept whispering in my ear,

"You're not good enough."

"You'll never look like her."

"You may as well give up."

"No one will ever like you as much as they like her."

It was eating away at my self-esteem and making me absolutely miserable.

So I cautiously began doing as the priest said. Whenever I met a beautiful woman, I would thank God for her beauty. Whenever I met a funny, charismatic, or outgoing woman, I would thank God for who she is and the gifts she has.

This LITERALLY changed my life.

My perspective is entirely different now, and I don't find myself to be a jealous beast anymore. After years of practicing this habit, I can honestly say I appreciate the beauty and talents I see in others. It really has caused me to see the unique personhood of each woman (or even man) I encounter. It makes me feel that my worth is not dependent upon what I have rated another person's worth to be. I'm not competing. I am who I am and you are who you are. I can acknowledge another woman's beauty or talent without diminishing my own. "She's a better singer than I am and that's... AWESOME!!" I feel more inclined to aspire to something greater than to give up and hide in my coat closet.

I still struggle with insecurity. I will always carry that cross, I think. But not in the way that I used to struggle - where I was insecure because I thought so little of myself and so highly (and highly jealous) of everyone else. These days I'm insecure as in, dangit why did I eat so much that now I can't squeeze into my favorite jeans. Or....  am I doing what I am supposed to be doing in ministry? Or, am I a good mom and wife? Those questions have real answers, but that's another blog topic!

I try to model this for my kids as well:

Wow, that guy is so strong! And you are strong, too, Damien.

That girl was so kind to play with us, wasn't she, Lucia? You girls play so nicely.

I want them to recognize their own uniqueness, while being able to acknowledge someone else's gifts.  I am so happy when Lucia matter of factly says, "That lady is so funny, Mom." Or "She is very nice to me." Or even "Look at her, she is so beautiful!"  If we spent more time thanking God for others, maybe we wouldn't have so much time to be down on ourselves, be jealous, or compare ourselves to other people. Maybe we would be more inclined to focus on who WE are and OUR own strengths and talents. Maybe we could better accept our own crosses, knowing that while other people have different strengths and talents, they also carry different crosses.

In the female land, but in mommy land in particular, this is such a difficult concept. Moms comparing whose house is cleaner and feeling like a failure. Moms comparing whose kids are smarter or more well-behaved... Been there! But before I let it get me down, I feel like it is important for me to thank God for those moms who have clean houses and well-behaved kids! I know it takes a TON of work to accomplish those feats! I also have to accept where I am at, that if I can't keep up or dress up or clean up... then those are areas I can keep plugging away at, but I'm also good at other things. When I wasn't cleaning the house, I was doing other productive things with my time, including taking a break!! When I was cleaning the house, I was contributing to my family's growth and health and sanity!

It's the simple, the mundane things that are really making us holy. ;)

That simple piece of advice so long ago -- to thank God for other people's beauty, talent, treasure, life, gifts, etc -- has changed my life, changed who I am becoming, and helped me get rid of the nasty green-eyed monster inside.

"When you are who you are called to be, you will set the world ablaze." - St. Catherine of Siena



Check out this Pinterest Rainbow Cake I attempted for my daughter's 3rd Birthday:

Here's mine:

Nailed It.

He IS Loving You Through This

"I Praise You for I am Wonderfully Made"

This is my most requested talk. The story of my testimony from cutting and suicidal thoughts because of my low self-esteem... to national speaking and music ministry stemming from a moment in time where I realized God's incredible, amazing, awesome, inexhaustible love for me. 

See... I used to cut because I hated myself. I hated that God didn't make me beautiful.  It's true. By all societal and physical standards, I was not beautiful. I was overweight, had braces/crooked teeth, dressed sloppily (in part because I hated my appearance anyway), had bad acne, etc. I felt my whole life revolved around my being ugly. I was shy. I was jealous of my younger siblings and the attention they got - I'm the oldest - and I didn't have really any close friends. 

I used to cut, because I used to hurt. 

That emotional pain was a struggle. I stayed up late and I slept late. I napped after lunch. I was lazy. I over ate. I just didn't care about life and didn't feel like I had a purpose in this life. 

I attended a retreat when I was about fifteen that changed nothing yet changed everything. In this retreat Doug Barry from Radix did a one man Passion Play where he described and acted out the Passion. He described every graphic, bloody detail of the death of our Lord in a way that I had never really heard or even understood before. I never knew the pain and humiliation He went through for me. More than that, I never knew the desperation He felt for my soul. 

Hearing this for the first time, and experiencing worship in Adoration for the first time, rocked me to the core. It was undeniable that my Savior loves me. 

And that is enough. 

That was enough for me to stop cutting and to start healing and loving God, loving myself, and loving others. 

I didn't change right away. Some things changed pretty slowly - like getting my braces off! - and some things didn't change - like battling insecurity, but I am worlds away from the person I used to be, because I've learned to turn to the Lord in these difficult moments where I am struggling to love others, myself, or even Him. 

This past year has been extremely difficult, but I know I can't complain too much. So many people have it harder than I do. We have, however, been very blessed in spite of the challenges. 

Still... some days, it was hard to get out of bed. Not because I was depressed, but because I knew the day was full of many difficult things to do and many things that I felt I just couldn't handle. I didn't want to face the pile of things that had to be done. 

One moment. 

One moment, one moment with Christ changed my life. 

One moment is powerful!!!!! It is a point in time which can never be repeated. 

During these past few weeks, months... through every hurdle I faced, my marriage faced, or my family faced.. I just took one moment to say, "Help me Jesus. I trust You."

Even if I struggled with the words... 

And I got out of bed. 

Those times when we feel we can't face the day. It starts with taking a moment - just one moment - to ask for help. We can't stop there... we have to get up. Take that first step out of bed, out of the boat, out of the house, wherever...

We have to keep going. 

God will provide what we need and He WILL love us through each moment of the day. That love is our fire and our fuel! 

My instinct even now is not always to turn to God during a difficult time... first I need to call someone, y'all! 

I need to talk all about it and ask for advice. My husband is great at asking me, "Did you pray about this?" That sometimes makes me angry. :) But it's true... praying - really praying, not laying it all out there, talking the whole time, thinking the whole time, and coming away from "prayer" with just as much turmoil in my heart...but really praying. Just saying, "Lord, You know what I need." And listen. Surrender. 

Sometimes I imagine sitting at Jesus' feet and laying down, physically, each person or intention or worry or fear that I have at His feet. There is freedom. 

You know, though, one of the most awesome things is God isn't like that annoying boyfriend that you constantly have to call or text or you never hear from them... (Not that I have one of those anymore! )... He is just as eager to communicate with you as you are with Him. He pursues you. He pursues me. You don't have to believe me. He proved it before you even existed. 

Anyway... I really felt inspired to write this tonight. If you know someone who is hurting and needs a little encouragement, please share this blog or your own faith story!

I pray that the eyes that these words are meant for may experience the amazing love of God and come to know Him more deeply -- not out of religious obligation, but out of the desire for the relationship that will change your life forever. :)

Love. :) 

What the Heck are You Waiting For?

My two year old daughter is very perceptive. She is extremely in tune to people's feelings and makes observations that amaze me for someone so young. 

The other day, I was on my computer and she asked if I would get her something to drink. I mindlessly said, "Sure honey, just a minute." 

She said, "Just a minute? But Mom, why? What are you waiting for?" 

I think the Holy Spirit took over my child's mouth and spoke those words to my heart. HA! 

Seriously!!! What are you waiting for??

I've been praying strongly for various people in my life to open their hearts to the Lord and His love and mercy for them. There are many paths that people take in pursuit of Truth, but I think if we are honest, many of those paths are seeking a truth that conforms to our lives. We don't often honestly seek a truth that we conform ourselves to...

Logically, this makes no sense. I know people constantly switching from one religion to another because they disagreed with a teaching or didn't believe x, y, or z should be considered wrong and thus make them feel guilty. Guilt = bad, nowadays. I completely disagree with that notion.. guilt means we have a conscience and are sensitive to the fact that perhaps our poor decisions or actions have affected someone else. 

But I digress...

If we want to become a better version of ourselves, as Matthew Kelly would say, we have to aspire to change and mold and conform ourselves to something better. 

For example... when I do a Jillian Michael's fitness video, I think... DANG, those girls are ripped! I would like to be in that kind of shape someday. A person who looked and could exercise just like me in my own abilities would indeed be less inspiring to me to want to work out - because I've reached that point already. 

I want to be better. Human nature longs for improvement - this is why we read, learn, exercise, take music lessons, go that extra mile, try to be more patient, etc. But we can't improve in something we've already achieved... so when we look for religion to conform to our lives, requiring no change on our part, we will find ourselves greatly unsatisfied. 

I think pursuit of Truth really comes down to two things we ought to strive for: Love and Mercy. How can I love more deeply? How can I forgive more sincerely? How can I die to myself and my selfish desires in this moment? How can I let these things that bother me go? 

Can you do this outside of a religion? Sure. But who is holding you accountable? Who is setting your standard of holiness? Who inspires you to be greater than you are? 

Pope Francis has inspired millions of Catholics and non-Catholics alike by his example and witness to what it is to conform your life to Christ. He's not inspirational because he's the Pope. He's not inspirational because of his personality. He's inspirational because he is trying to be more like Christ! I know so many people in my life who inspire me on a daily basis by their great love and mercy. Who they are and their amazing, genuine, unselfish contribution to the world is made manifest because they have tried to conform their life to Someone greater. 

We all have our individual pursuits of Truth. I've wandered around seeking... my husband as wandered around seeking... we all have, even if we consider ourselves faithful to one religion or no religion. But I think we have to really be honest and ask... are we seeking to stay the same, unchanged, and find something that pacifies us and our lifestyles? Or are we seeking to move and grow and be challenged to change? 

And if we are seeking to be challenged to change, then what are we waiting for? Why are we waiting to be who we say we are or be who we want to be? Why are we waiting for someone to invite us? Why are we waiting for a sign in the sky? 

Why can't we follow, instead, the promptings of our hearts? 

Prayers tonight for all on their journey. Amen. 

And We Remember How He Loved Us

Palm Sunday & Holy Week....

I love this solemn week. 

Some people would say it is depressing, but I am filled with such awe and reverence as we walk, this week, with our Lord as He journeys to the cross for us.  In such a concrete way, we are taken back 2000 years ago and walk with our Lord His journey to the cross. We read the vivid descriptions in the readings, reenact the waving of the palms and foot washing, kiss the cross on which our Savior died. 

The sights, the smells, the touch, the taste, the sounds of the Passion of the Lord. 

And yet, it's not a history lesson.Holy Week is the perfect summation of our Spiritual lives. In seven days, the Gospels capture for us an entire lifetime worth of faith. 

Palm Sunday (the Conversion!) 

This weekend we have a party for Jesus…initially! In Jesus’ time, as He entered into the temple all were hailing Him and worshipping Him, laying palm branches at His feet and giving Him treatment worthy of a King. 

I can’t help but apply this to my own life, when I have one of those “God moments” – a retreat experience or an experience of Christ so undeniable that I am excited to pray and worship Him and “do anything” for Him! It's that spiritual high that makes you want to rejoice from the rooftops, "MY God! I love you! My God, I worship You!" Or... "I'm in love! I'm in love! And I don't care who knows it!" 

How quickly we get to see if our faith is deeply rooted or if the words of Christ fell on to rocky soil. 

Holy Thursday (The test) Those who were so excited to be with Jesus and give Him royal treatment surround Him as He gives His flesh and blood in the Eucharist and one by one, they are tested in their faith. 

One betrays. 

One denies knowing Jesus. 

They all fall asleep when He asks them to pray. 

In my life where I have I betrayed (sinned)?

Where have I denied knowing Jesus (not stood up for what I know to be right)?

Where have I fallen asleep (not made faith in mine and my children’s lives a priority)? 


Good Friday (Repentance)  Upon realizing what they’ve done, the Apostles each react so differently. 

One stands with Jesus all the way to the foot of the cross. He perseveres. John.

One repents and weeps bitterly. Peter.

One despairs and takes his life. Judas.

Our Lord proves His love for us in dying for us – each and every one of us. 

How do I react to my sin and betrayal of the Lord? Do I despair and walk away from Him altogether? Do I repent and feel sorry for myself? Or do I repent and persevere in my faith, even as it takes me to the foot of the cross?

I’ll be honest… over my life it has been a mixture of all three! But at the cross, Jesus looks to John, His beloved disciple, and entrusts to him His own Mother. Jesus builds His Church on Peter, the repentant denier. The only one who went without was the one who did not return, Judas. 

God takes all of our weakness of faith, our love of Him, and our sincerity of repentance, and He uses us in spite of those things to build His Kingdom. He redeems us!

Easter Sunday (I am Made New Again!) Jesus’ glorious, triumphant Resurrection shows us that He is Lord of all and not even death can hold Him back. He shows us defeat of sin and redeems the world unto Himself. He shows us sin has no power, and He reunites us to Himself once again! Once again, we are healed. And we walk with Him into next year, living the Triduum every day. 

May we stay with Him this time, persevere and rely on Him during the tests of our faith, so that we can walk to the foot of the cross and rise with Him. 

Let us being Holy Week not as a history lesson or brand new Easter dress, but as participants in this most Holy Mystery of our Faith. Let us walk with Him.... 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgDM9GNbRm4

I Failed at Lent

Normally, I can't stand blogs that glorify epic fails. It's practically trendy to have five mountains of laundry or a bad hair day and blog about how terrible you are at life, but I am writing this blog not to glorify my failure, rather to show you what I've learned from it. 

I spent a LOT of time thinking and praying about what to give up for Lent. I was already on a healthy eating crusade, so giving up some type of food just seemed more like a diet versus a sacrifice. I know that any food sacrifice would have tempted me immediately to vanity and scale watching. Plus, the whole first week of Lent, I didn't eat anyway, because I had a stomach bug!

I don't watch television, so that was out. I tried to limit my phone time, but then the kids all got perpetually sick and we've had various situations that required my immediate, lengthy, and time-consuming dwelling in the virtual world. Aside from the business and dramatic end of being connected to my phone like it was an added appendage, I just needed an outlet! No good comes from having a news app, by the way. Don't do it.

I tried to add more prayer and have been mostly successful, but was so, so discouraged by missing Masses due to sick kids who always seem to get sick on Saturday nights and into Sunday mornings. Due to David's work schedule, trying to take turns going to one Mass while the other stayed home with the kids was extremely difficult and sometimes impossible. Oh, and sometimes one of us was sick, too! 

I've been asking the Lord, "WHAT, What do You want from me? I just can't hear You and I'm sorry that I can't seem to get Lent right this year." 

I've been feeling like an epic Lenten failure. Disconnected from Mass, seeing other people graciously abstain from sweets and soda or even some who are doing service work.  They seem so connected to their spiritual growth and Lenten sacrifice, and it kinda makes me feel like I fail at Lent. 

Here I am, in the middle of Lent, still asking... Lord, what can I do for Lent, to help me grow in holiness? 

Monday night, I went to Confession.  It's been a really rough few weeks for a number of reasons, but the least I could do is repent and get rid of my sins and ways I've acted uncharitably during these weeks. After I had finished confessing my sins -- (My husband said, "You sure were in there a long time!" haha) -- the Bishop (yep, Bishop) said to me that he knows a mother who, when things get crazy, just makes the Sign of the Cross right then and there. I thought to myself, Ok, that's nice, I can do that, just to refocus and center myself on Christ. And I walked away... 

As I came home, however, frustrated that the events of the past few weeks have left me with a mountain of laundry and entire house to clean, I reflected on what the Bishop said. Make the Sign of the Cross. The Cross. 

The Cross. 

All of a sudden it dawned on me. Lent is about taking up your cross. When I used to think of carrying my cross in the context of Lent, I thought it was the cross I chose for myself, like giving up caffeine (actually that's more like forcing everyone around me to take up their crosses in dealing with me, ha). I thought the cross was my choosing and my doing.

But it's not. The cross is a cross chosen for me. I can choose to take it up or be a giant whiney pants about it. But the cross that is chosen for me is the cross that will get me to Heaven. It is the cross that will enable me to grow in the virtues I lack and strengthen the virtues I've been given by grace. This cross is the cross uniquely picked for me that will set an example to others around me in similar circumstances who are on the fence about taking up their own cross and on the fence about following Jesus. 

The Lord is telling me, through the suffering I am dealing with and have dealt with the past few weeks, to carry the cross HE has allowed me to endure. He is asking me to suffer a little more graciously and to offer it up. The cross I've been carrying has weighed me down and practically smothered me, because I've been telling the Lord that I need a different cross and that I don't need Him. I haven't relied on Him completely. I've relied on me completely and I know I fell more than three times.

Jesus needed help carrying His cross. Why should I think I'm stronger than the King of the Universe? (Even though I've been doing a LOT of strength training....)

I need to relax. I don't have to wear a burlap sack to make this a fruitful Lent. I need to bear my sufferings with holy patience and love. I need to quit worrying about my Lenten activities and start practicing daily holiness not just in the times when it's easy to feel God's love.

That's my call this Lent.

The Lord has shown me He works in our desire for holiness, but He also works in our shortcomings.

It's funny that I had this revelation the week after the Gospel reading about Jesus healing the blind man. Sometimes we can't see that we are blind.

Open my eyes, Lord. Amen! 

I Don't Give Up on You. I Surrender You.

I just returned last week from an amazing trip doing music ministry at LA Congress in Anaheim. While I was performing at the World Library Publications booth, I introduced my song, "Serenity" based on the Serenity prayer (and available on iTunes *wink*) as a song about surrender and letting go and submitting to/following God's will. The words to the refrain are

"Lord give me the serenity to stay where I am, 

the courage to take another step, 

and the wisdom to know I can't do either without You." 

After I finished the song, a woman approached me, holding my CD's, and said, "Was that song called, 'Let Go'?" And I said, "No, that's a different song." She said, "I thought you said this song is about letting go?" 

I had to laugh. A lot of my songs are about surrender, letting go... releasing my hold on things I can't control! It is an ongoing theme in my life. (She bought both CD's, so maybe we have something in common!) 

Above daily chores, health, stress, or responsibilities, I think it's hardest for me to let people go. 

"I love you and you are Mine" is one of my favorite lines from a song, spoken from Scripture. It is so difficult - near impossible for me - to say, "You love him/her and he/she is Yours." 

I don't have any trouble at all with "You love him/her." It's the "Yours" part that I have trouble with. 

My son. My daughter. My husband. My mother. My father. My sister. My brother. My friend. 

Mine, Mine, Mine. 

Not. Yours. At least we can share responsibility, ok, Lord? 

When our loved ones are sick, dying, leaving the faith, or making self-destructive choices, our instinct is to grab on to them, to grasp and cling to maddening, smothering affect. We feel unsettled, hurt, frantic, every muscle tense, trying to figure out what WE can do. What I can do. And we feel like failures if we can do nothing. We feel powerless and helpless. We would die for that person to be healed, to turn back to the faith, or to choose a better life for themselves. 

But Someone already did die for this person to be healed, turn back, choose life. 

Jesus. Jesus, You died before I breathed my first breath. You died for my loved ones before they opened their eyes in this world. Jesus. 

Why can't I trust? Why can't I know beyond my mind and deep down to the core of my being that God loves this person more than I do and is pursuing them more than I can? Why is it so hard to remember that this person's healing and salvation is not in my hands? If I don't believe these things, then I can't adequately say that I believe in an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-loving God. 

I have to let you go. I have to surrender you. 

I don't let you go in the sense that you are hanging from a cliff and I release my hold on your hand, letting you fall to your destruction. Rather, I carry you in my heart and I gently place you in the hands of our Savior who loves you more than I do. All your needs, all your desires, all your questions, all your sickness, all your struggles, everything. 

And I let go. You are His child. Not mine. In trusting me with your care, my son, my daughter, my husband, my mother, my father, my sister, my brother, my friend... the Lord has given me great responsibilities. I will love, forgive, care for, and pray for you. But above all, the greatest thing I can do for you, is gently place you in our Father's hands who knows your heart more than I ever could and Who can satisfy you more than I am capable. 

He loves you, and you are His. 

Amen. 

She is Beautiful

My husband and I have wrapped up a few weeks of local speaking engagements and Q&A sessions on all things regarding teens' ideas of sex, dating, and relationships. It has been interesting on many levels. I realized how little I knew about any of the aforementioned topics when I was their age and I realized that relationships and maintaining purity in those relationships is the struggle that is on their minds and the battleground of their hearts - a battleground upon which an all out war is being waged.

I am not blogging tonight to discuss all of the topics that came up in our time listening and learning about these beautiful young people. Though there were many areas for celebration and many areas of heartbreak. I am blogging tonight about giving glory to God for beauty. Every sexual sin is a distortion of God's created beauty. Let's dissect a few...

1) Pornography.

Even though porn is becoming a woman's addiction too, I am going to address it from the more common occurrence of the male addiction. Porn is the number one common thread behind all molesters, predators, cheaters... and yet it is also abused by people we know and love in our homes, schools, church communities, places of business, etc. It's seen as harmless entertainment initially. It is seen as "no one's business." It is even seen as a sign of healthy sexual development.

But that "healthy sexual development" soon takes a nasty turn as it becomes addiction, consuming the consumer. It leads to isolation, withdrawing into oneself, a distorted view of women - seeing them as objects, not God's beauty.

If God created woman last, that she would be the crown of all creation - the most beautiful created thing in the world... her appearance in pornography would be akin to Van Gogh's "Starry Night" as the background of a dart board, in the basement cellar of a rundown liquor store. A porn film for a woman, just as the dart board in a basement cellar of a rundown liquor store, is no appropriate place for that kind of beauty.

In porn the focus is not on the woman's beauty. She becomes the subject, the object, for whatever actions may be put upon her. She lowers her own dignity to engage in acts at the will of her directors. She is not admired. She is not honored. She is not treasured. Her beauty is long forgotten in a whirlwind of the sexual desire which should have gone hand in hand with the passion from a man who promises before God to love her forever.

When a man sees a woman as crown of creation - when he sees her as God created her to be- he will seek to protect that beauty with his very life.

2) Sex outside of Marriage

In Scripture, the adulterous woman is scorned. Women hate her. Men see her as undignified, a sinner, and an object of their own lusts. Jesus reaches out to her, even despite the scandal it may cause Him to associate with her. Why? Because He sees her beauty and how her beauty has been abused and forsaken. She tries to tell Jesus that she doesn't have any husband, and Jesus, in the Scripture's most amazing case of quick wit, tells her... You're right! You've had five and the one you are with now isn't your husband! This Samaritan woman receives the living water of the Lord and does not go back to her old ways. She now realizes that she has something worth protecting.

When we as women give ourselves away whether it be sex or just dressing as to leave little to the imagination, we are saying with our bodies that what we have isn't beauty to be honored, but sexy to be taken. We don't demand that our men fight for us. We don't challenge them on to holiness. It is like taking our most prized possession and freely giving it away to empty promises or unfulfilled commitments.

Miley Cyrus gave an interview where she said that she behaves the way she does because she is comfortable in her sexuality. If you gave your brand new car to a guy you didn't even know and told him he could do whatever he wanted with it, people would not say that you are "comfortable" with loaning out your car. They would say that you must not care very much about that car. What we value, we protect. It says a lot about us if we value ourselves and our bodies by what we do with it - if we value it, we protect it. We dress modestly. We give it to the person who we love, who has earned it by his love and it is a mutual gift in marriage- not one-sided, "I give, you get", intended until death does us part.

3) Jealousy

This isn't technically a sexual sin, but the thing many of us struggle day to day with is to overcome is jealousy relating to beauty and sexuality. We are jealous of her body or his body or her boyfriend or his girlfriend. We want what they have. We want their personality, we want their circumstance, we compare and put down the gifts we have been given.

I used to be really jealous. I was jealous of my younger siblings for the attention they got and the looser restrictions they had (I'm the oldest!) and I was jealous of my beautiful relatives and friends. I was jealous of other women's bodies in particular, always comparing myself. I was jealous of other people's musical successes, their voices/monetary success.

I finally was able to have a real conversion from this when I started thanking God that the person I was jealous of had an amazing gift. I thanked God for my friend's beauty. I thanked God for my friend's successes. I thanked God and thus began a pattern of seeking beauty. I always tell my daughter she is beautiful - because I want it to be so ingrained that it becomes a matter of truth, not a matter of opinion. Once, we were at a restaurant and the waitress came to take our order. As she walked away, my three year old son said, "Mama, she is beautiful." I praised God right then and there that he always seeks beauty and not only that - says it out loud. I am thankful that I married a man who has a special gift to see beauty - he seeks holiness, which is true beauty! He seeks Christ in others, which is true beauty! I never worry when a physically attractive woman enters our lives, because he has made a habit of seeking true beauty and I have made a habit of seeking true beauty and we BOTH have made a habit of thanking God for this beauty.

You are beautiful. She is beautiful. I am beautiful.

I truly believe that if we could all start thanking God for the beautiful things and beautiful people we see, we will begin to be repulsed when we see abuses of that beauty, especially in regards to sexual sin. I believe women will begin to guard that beauty and give thanks to God for their fellow woman's beauty causing us women to support each other rather than turn into jealous, bitter ladies. I believe men will begin to fight for that beauty and defend women from another who would use that beauty for him or herself.

And....I believe...

the world will be a more beautiful place.

My Spouse Drives Me Crazy

I told my husband I was going to write this blog and he said, "Ah! Are you going to make me look bad?" Haha, no, I said... I'm going to make ME look bad.

Recently, I've been reading the book It is Well by Chris Faddis in which he tells the tragic, yet faith-filled, hope-filled story of losing his wife, Angela, to cancer. I followed Chris and Angela on their Facebook support page and cried at every post or picture posted. The posts spoke of very real suffering. The posts spoke of hope in Christ. The posts spoke of beautiful spousal love which transcended every mediocre version of love in movie or song, past feeling to dying to one another spiritually. The pictures showed their family loving one another through it all - both of their children hugging their mom on her hospital bed. I almost can't write about it even now, the intensity of suffering and faith that gripped our hearts and made us pray for a miracle.

There is a bigger Truth revealed in this book that hit home for me - a Truth I always knew, but hearing from someone who had put it into practice to the end rocked my world!

The Truth is: I am called to get my husband to Heaven.

Yeah, yeah, I know that and I do my best. But here's the other part of that:

My husband is the person God has chosen for me, to help me get to Heaven.

Let's read deeper... this isn't just about praying together. This isn't just about trying to guard the other's heart. This is about the CHALLENGES of marriage, specifically the challenge of being married to WHO you are married to!

(DISCLAIMER I want to clarify that I'm not saying if anyone of us is married to anyone abusive or unfaithful or irresponsible financially, etc, that it's something to be tolerated - I'm speaking today only of the normal, everyday annoyances and personality challenges that we face as married couples once the honeymoon is over!)

I have seen a lot of growth in myself, being married to David. He is more relaxed than I am, in general. His first response to crisis is prayer. My first response to crisis is panic, then prayer. :)

Chris Faddis talks about how we see the good and the bad of one another and how great it is that we can love each other beyond that. My husband's weaknesses, though, have a way of bringing about my weaknesses.

When he forgets to do something I have asked... I get frustrated and angry. Is that just his weakness -- or is it mine?
When he plays with the kids before bed while I am trying to calm them down for sleep and put the kibosh on all the fun..... is that his weakness -- or mine?
When he is running late in the morning because he took an extra long prayer time and I am mad that I put everyone's shoes on and he still isn't in the car -- is that his weakness or mine?
When he wants to be affectionate and gets his feelings hurt because I reject the affection in my own frustration that he doesn't understand I do NOT want anyone else to touch me that day... is that his weakness -- or mine?

Sometimes I think... AH! IF ONLY HE WOULD CHANGE this or that! Or Why, WHY, can't he see things MY way?!?!

Granted, there are legitimate things that he needs to work on. But more often than not... his weaknesses... the weaknesses I can so easily find in him (and overlook in myself), simultaneously bring up my own weaknesses... my weakness towards....

Impatience.... Self-centeredness... Frustration... Lack of Compassion... Lack of Humility... Lack of Generosity

These virtues are MUCH easier for me to practice outside of marriage, but oh-so-difficult to put into place in marriage... why? Because, I think we take advantage of the fact that we have seen one another at our worst, and are still loved. We assume the love and let ourselves get away with not really deserving it- nor even attempting to earn it.

So my spouse will get me to Heaven, not just by guarding my heart and praying with and for me.
He will get me to Heaven not just by being a loving father or a dedicated, faithful husband.
He will get me to Heaven just by being who he is  - who God created him to be, for me.

And as I pick up his laundry in the middle of the bedroom floor once again....

I will be a saint.

:)