You Have No Idea What Mothers Do

This post is not a Harambe post, but I do reference the situation due to my disgust reaching a breaking point with society feeling entitled to condemn mothers.

I don't use this word often because I'm afraid people won't be my friend, but I am seriously AGHAST at what I have seen from social media lambasting--no, destroying -- the mother of the child at the center of the Harambe controversy.

It's clear you who are so quick to judge and condemn and call for the head of this mother that you have no idea what mothers do. And what about the father? No one calls for his head.

So, I am tired of it and here to set a few things straight. First of all, there *is* a war on women but it's not what you think. The war is on wives and mothers. No other woman faces the abuse that we do. You are damned  if you do and damned if you don't.

If you work, you don't love your children. If you stay home, you're lazy and uneducated. If you send your kids to private school you're a snob. If you send your kids to public school you're a heathen. If you homeschool your kids you're a sheltered religious nut. If you let your kids play outside alone, you are negligent. If you actively monitor your kids' play, you are a helicopter parent.

This has to stop. 

You, whose children would *never* get away from them: Do you have your kids in the right car seat, rear-facing until 13? Are your children straight A students? Did you breastfeed until 5? Are you checking your food labels for Red Dye number 765? Do your kids have screen time less than five minutes a day?

If yes, move along. You are the perfect parent.

Do you know what it is like to lend your body to another human being out of love that grows deeper with every sleepless night, with each stretch mark, and pound gained? Do you know the guilt we feel when the doctor tells us something may not be quite right with the pregnancy or when your baby is rushed out of the delivery room for extra care? Do you know the pain and guilt mothers feel who have lost a child?  Do you know the fears we feel when our kids misbehave, that maybe we are doing something wrong and failing as a parent? Do you know the nights we stay awake praying when one of the kids is sick? Do you know the pressure to have a magazine picture perfect body, house, and marriage? Do you know the constant, constant anxiety we have making sure we give our children the freedom to grow but the boundaries necessary to guide them into decent human beings?

I don't know this mom. She could be a great mom or a terrible one. I don't know.

But neither do you.

If my entire motherhood was based on the one moment in time that something happened out of my immediate control, well, that thought is depressing and I may as well quit now.

Moms are the cooks, the maids, the teachers, the caretakers, the nurses, the police officers, the breadwinners, the nurturers, the chauffeurs, the entertainers, the planners, the organizers, the spiritual advocates, the researchers, the accountants, the reference books, the shoppers, the repairmen, the yard workers, the garbage men. We multitask and work even in our sleep!!

You, criticizing from the comfort of your social media page, have much less on your agenda evidently.

We don't deserve your condemnation in our failure or mistake or oversight or inability to see into the future, we deserve your support. You just have no idea what we do and the fact of the matter is if you are a productive member of society, chances are pretty good that you had a decent mom or mother figure that, while imperfect, helped you navigate this world and shape your virtue.

This mother's child was mischievous, no doubt, but he maybe he just wanted to get closer to this beautiful gorilla. (Thank you, Disney, for teaching children all animals are cuddly and just want to be our friends.) That this mother is being harangued and threatened is astounding to me and clearly shows the lack of value we place on moms.

Moms train on the job. If you've never been responsible for another human being you have no idea how your role changes overnight and how intimidating it is without the parent police in your face with their holier than thou judgment and "advice". You simply cannot be prepared for every possible action of another human being, and that is terrifying and amazing at the same time. Things I never thought I would ever have to say or rules I never thought would have to be in place have come into play due to the fact that I just could not have predicted the unique personality and actions of each of my kids. It's humbling to remember...You don't listen to your Perfect Father 100% of the time either!

In this day and age when people blur the lines on what it is to be a woman, it is absolutely clear that to society women are nothing more than a pair of breasts and high heels. The mystery of woman is solved, they say! Women are being sterilized all over the world, mutilated, sold, harassed, humiliated and if we speak up, more harassment. If we make one misstep, our entire career as a mom is over, tried and hung in the court of public opinion -- A public opinion that has thrown due process and innocent until proven guilty out the window.

I've been astounded at the way men have spoken to me in what I thought was civilized discussion. I've been astounded at the way women have attacked one another, dragging each other through the streets by their words, not stopping until that person is destroyed and then, maniacally laughing about it! No joke ! This goes on in your high schools and middle schools even! If you knew the way boys spoke to your daughters with such disrespect and the absolute terror girls put each other through... you would just cry, as I have, many times coming home from a ministry even where teens have poured their hearts out and mothers cry too.

Enough is enough. Put your Facebook gavels away and buy some diapers for a young mom. Put your Facebook gavel away and buy a young family dinner. Put your Facebook gavel away and offer to help put the groceries in the car. Put your Facebook gavel away and make family friendly employment policies. Put your Facebook gavel away and give a mom a day off. Put your Facebook gavel away and tell her thank you. Thank you for your sacrifice, and thank you for doing the best you can.


You're doing a good job.