Weightloss Update Blog

Hi All!

Sorry for the delay! One of my kids knocked water on my computer so I could not use certain keys on my keyboard because they typed several other letters and even just writing a Facebook status was brutally obnoxious and with the little ones and our CD launch this week which I am behind in press for oy.... Those of you with nutty schedules realize time is gold!

Anywho, the stats...

Starting weight sixish weeks postpartum was 185
Current weigh in this week is 177.

Total loss is 8 lbs.

Now, I gotta tell ya.... I started to feel pretty discouraged that I could not seem to get my appetite under control, so I madly avoided the scale and I am actually thinking that it is better mentally for me to not weigh-in when I feel like I did not do so great in eating healthy. Another thing to remind myself and just to make sure you know too, the number on the scale is just a number. The important thing is that I am feeling SO MUCH STRONGER and starting to get some muscle back to where I am not out of breath carrying my adorable gianormous basketball player newborn baby up the stairs.

Seriously, he is my exercise at almost 16 pounds and not even 3 months till November 5th....

So, in nursing the baby still, I am struggling the most with appetite which has always been my downfall as I like to exercise. I am trying to find a good balance of maintaining the calories that I need for nursing and strength-training daily but not too much where I am not able to trim some of the baby weight that makes my clothes nice and snug. I do NOT have the budget for new clothes, so the only thing I can do is work this weight off or live in stretchy pants, which at this point doesn't seem like a bad option. Ha! I do feel like there is a little less jiggle in my wiggle...

Still plugging away. I decided to never start on Mondays. Every day is a new day for reclaiming a healthier me ! But, other than sleep exhaustion from newborn life,  I am feeling great! It is amazing how a little exercise goes a long, long way.

I am so thankful to my friends who regularly come over and work out with me cause I don't think I would be as disciplined without the accountability of three friends showing up when it is still dark outside! Extra hour of sleep this weekend! Woo!

Until next time..

Behind the Music #2: Waiting

One of my favorite songs on our new CD is "Waiting". David came up with the beautiful guitar music and played for me while I ran and grabbed the words I had just written down a few days prior. It came together in moments, which is a miracle in and of itself because writing music with your spouse is one of the most difficult, beautiful, personal, intimate, rage-inducing activities ever! :)

I had just reconnected with some old friends and while sitting in Adoration one day, began to reflect on the different paths we have all taken growing up. Some of us work for the Church and some of us want nothing at all to do with the Church some of us are married and some of us are single, some have kids, some do not, some have traveled the world, and some have stayed in the town they grew up in. I thought about why it was that I have chosen the path I have chosen when I could have made so many different choices and I realized...

My path isn't much different from anyone else's, really, when it comes to those who have left the faith and those who have not. The only difference between me and a friend who left their faith behind is that I decided to turn around and come back.

I have made some bad choices. I was a pretty big hypocrite at different points in my life. I hurt others and they hurt me and I remember wondering why should I love God in the midst of all the suffering? Why should I follow Him when it seemed so much easier to walk away or stay complacent?

But there would always be something.

SOMETHING that would draw me back.

A song on the radio... a comment from a friend or family member... an experience... a gentle reminder of my faith... maybe the prayers of someone who loved me.

And I would always remember that the one thing I knew for certain, though I didn't know how or why is....

God loves me.

He loves me.

And that's enough.

It is so easy for an innocent child to believe in God. They believe in hope, they believe in love, they offer mercy to the bully on the playground, they trust freely. Until when?

Until someone breaks that trust. Until someone takes their innocence. Until they make choices and lose their innocence. It happens to all of us at one point or another.

World-crushing pain, suffering, or sin.

That's when I think we become jaded. We mistrust God. We doubt Him. We start by doubting His love for us. Then we doubt His plan for us. Then we doubt His existence. Yet, His love is so great that He allows us to go through this process. He allows us to reject Him. He is with us even as we walk away.

He is waiting. Waiting.

The chorus of the song is this:
"You waited for me, You waited for me to look up and see You waiting on me,
Waiting on me to say 'Here I am'".

One of the biggest lessons I have had to learn -- one of the biggest conversions in my heart and one of the most beautiful, powerful, moving realizations is written in the bridge of this song... "You say to me I am not my sin, I am not defined by mistakes. You restored my heart by grace. I am forgiven. I am forgiven...

I am forgiven."

Sometimes it is our sin and mistakes that keep us away from God. We put a veil of false humility and "unworthiness" over our heads. Or we divide ourselves from union with Him out of our own arrogance that we know better. Though deep down, I wonder if in those moments we even trust ourselves in the midst of not trusting Him. Do we not realize, He died for all of our sins? Do we not realize that in claiming unworthiness we in effect exclude ourselves from being open to receiving His mercy and grace?! Why not take advantage of His grace, love, hope, peace, mercy and put our own selfishness aside for a moment.

He never, EVER, says we aren't good enough to run to Him!! Read the lives of the saints. Some of the greatest saints were the greatest sinners and I think that is because they lived lives with PASSION! When you give everything over to sin, then have an encounter with God, you already know what it is to give everything and you know, now, how to give everything to God. Not because He asks for it, but because you WANT to because you love Him, too.

It's just an act of the will to actually do it. To give Him everything, knowing He loves you and has given you everything.

That is what I aspire to.

And every time I fall or decide to walk away, He is still there. Every time I doubt, He is still there.

Waiting.

Behind the Music #1: Like No One Else

The next few weeks, I want to focus on explaining the meaning behind the songs on our new album, set to be released on October 27th! It was a labor of love with much sweat and tears. We cannot thank our financial and spiritual supporters enough.

This is the first song on the album, *Like No One Else*. I wrote the words and music, but as he usually does, David took the music and made it more interesting. David hears the music in layers, but I hear the music with space. Somehow, through many fights and prayers and love, the two come together!

This is the meaning behind, *Like No One Else*...


David and I met on a Catholic dating website called Ave Maria Singles but a bit before that, I was dating someone I thought I would marry. When that didn't work out, I decided I needed to concentrate on my relationship with God. I needed to fall in love with Him again, because I hadn't been as close or as faithful to my relationship with Him in awhile.

I was one of those girls that once I experienced my first relationship, I felt I always needed to be in a relationship. Very little thought or discernment was put into getting into those relationships, though I really did try my best to make them work even if I knew deep down it wasn't a good fit. I thought the easiest and best way to be loved was to have a boyfriend!

During the time of singlehood that I had before I met David, I realized through lots and lots of prayer that I would not be able to really love someone unless I loved the Lord. I knew that He needed to come first and I wanted a man who would put God first too. For the first time in my adult life, I felt completely fulfilled by the love of God. I didn't need a guy. I was satisfied and whole. 

Fast forward to meeting David. 

David was the first guy I ever dated that I was afraid would break up with me. Why? Because I knew he was also whole and completely satisfied in his relationship with God and His love for Him. I knew we were two whole people coming together that loved each other, but didn't NEED each other. It was a new territory for me! 

When we married, I had another realization. 

I still couldn't love David if I didn't love God first. He can't love me if he doesn't love God first, either. This love is not just a feeling, but a deep self-sacrificing, free, total, faithful decision to love! 

"Can you surrender, can you close your eyes and fall back into my arms?

Can you let go enough to fly

And let Me love you like no one else can?

Let Me love you like no one else can."

When we put the expectation on anyone but the Lord to love us the way we need to be loved all the time, we will always come up unsatisfied. I'm not just talking about intentionally or unintentionally hurting one another, I'm talking about even just being tired and not loving to the fullest of our capacity! But God can love us like no one else can. David and I could both know that if our relationship hadn't worked out, we would have been okay, because we would still be loved. 

Sometimes we harden ourselves to love because of those past hurts, but God who Himself is love will never leave you wounded. All throughout the Gospels we see the Lord reaching out to the most "unlovable" and that love brings those people healing, drastic life changes, and peace. We will do crazy things for someone we love and God's loves runs so deep that He gave His only Son. For us. 

I can't imagine that. I can't imagine sending one of my children to die for anyone, even a close friend or family member. I am incapable of that kind of love. But God isn't!!

So, what have you got to lose.... let Him love you like no one else can!

Weightloss Journey week Two

Starting weight: 185
Last week: 181
This week: 179
Down 2 pounds this week, down 6 overall!


I have amazing friends who have been working out with me at 5am every single day except the weekends. I couldn't do it without them, because with nursing... 5am comes around pretty quick! We missed one day - due to Diego being up all night, but I just tried to stay active that afternoon and evening.

Diet-wise, I was pretty awful. Because nursing plus now exercising regularly takes so much energy, I have had a hard time not OVER-eating. Plus it was Lucia's birthday and we had cupcakes in the shape of a -- well, that's another story....A mom fail to say the least and if you saw it on Facebook, I promise it was a butterfly.

Then, day one of when I was going to start the 100 Days of Real Food menu, David decided to make dinner. David NEVER decides to make dinner on his own and even shop for the ingredients, so I couldn't pass that up. He made the same thing he made for me when we were newly married, six years ago (yeah, it's been six years since he made me dinner so I HAD to take him up on this romantic gesture!!) It was.....


......


English muffin pizzas! :P But they were good and I ate a lot of them because they are small.

So...... epic fail diet wise but this week has started off a little better. We had roasted veggies and pork chops and the pork chop recipe I found online was so gross that I ate a small portion. So there ya go.

Back to the grind!

See ya next week!

Pope Francis, Gays, and Kim Davis

This will probably be the shortest blog I have ever written...

One set of people is praising Pope Francis for meeting with Kim Davis, the Kentucky clerk who refuses to issue marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples. They say, HA! Stinkin' left wingers!

One set of people is praising Pope Francis for meeting with a gay couple and says that the meeting with Kim Davis was a setup. They say, HA! Stinkin' right wingers!

My point: WHO CARES?!?!?! He met with Fidel Castro too, folks! He met with a lot of high and low class saints and sinners.

That's the point though, isn't it? Jesus' love doesn't discriminate. Jesus doesn't say you're not good enough to be loved because your politics aren't in line with My Gospel. He doesn't say you're not good enough for Me to associate with because of the political implications of that association.  He doesn't say you're not good enough for Me to love because of your sin. The Church doesn't have borders or left wings and right wings -- at least it isn't suppose to! If our faith tells us anything at all it should be that Jesus Himself aligned with the persecuted, the unloved, the unlovable, the outcast, the lost.

I don't know about you, but that's me.

The Pope, and all of us Christians who claim to represent Christ and be His hands and feet, and live out the Gospel shouldn't discriminate in our love either. Meet with Kim Davis and get to know her. Maybe you'll find you could love her even if you disagree with her. Meet with the prisoners. Meet with gay and lesbian and transsexual and immigrant and your neighbor for crying out loud.

Jesus didn't accept all forms of behavior and consequently, neither does the Church, however, Jesus RADICALLY LOVED all those He met, and if we are to be like Him, we MUST LOVE!!!!!!! We must love even those we find most unlovable. Jesus said even hypocrites love their friends, but we are called to love even our enemies. I don't think the word "enemies" just means those who hate us, but I think it means those who we ourselves dislike, hate, or find difficult to love. That love causes us to RADICALLY CHANGE OUR LIVES!!

Stop throwing the Pope's visit in other people's faces and take a look in the mirror instead.

Can you love better? I think you can. I know I can. Can you see the face of Jesus Christ in Kim Davis or Fidel Castro or Cecile Richards, knowing He gave His life for them and wants nothing more than to wrap His arms around them, too?

We politicize love and what do we get... gossip, hate, pain, division, pride.

I have tried to pray, "Lord, help me love this person! Help me see you in this person!" I fail, but I know I can't love God fully if I refuse to love His children.  Knowing, as Catholic speaker Mike Patin says, "Everyone loves somebody, everyone has lost something or someone, and everyone is fighting a battle." You just don't know their battles, so please... no matter how fervent the disagreement, choose the higher road to try to love. 

God is love and love is impossible without Him. Ask His help. 

But stop limiting God's love. The Pope can meet with whomever he wants. He can extend Christ's love because ...

it belongs to EVERYONE.  And we belong to God.

Amen.

Post- Partum Weightloss Again!

Welp, we have reached the official six week mark as of last week so I am back to the grind! This time, earlier than with my third baby! My progress last time motivates me this time!

Just a recap.. I lost between 25-30lbs between my third and fourth children. When I found out we were expecting again, I tried to stick with my diet and exercise routines but I just couldn't. Morning sickness aggravated by over-exertion, weird cravings, and needing to keep something in my stomach at all times in order to be able to function throughout the day threw a wrench in my new-found health endeavors. But... this is my before and after from round one of Post-Partum weight loss:

Oh muscle. I miss you. 

Anywho, now it is time to start again!! My goal isn't to be tiny, it's to be healthy and strong! I felt amazing when I was really sticking to taking care of my health, even though it is BRUTALLY rough to start all over! But if four kids don't demand you get in shape, I don't know what does. Sheesh do I need the energy!!

I actually started exercising again last week. My friends and I have been working out at 5am Monday - Friday. I only missed Thursday because my infant kept me up literally all night and I needed to sleep before my husband went to work. 

I have started ChaLEAN Extreme DVD's again from Beachbody. I don't sell Beachbody, but I am a hardcore believe in their workouts!! Strength training is the way to go for me. I love it. I feel empowered, there is less strain on my joints, and overall I just enjoy it more than those bouncing around sweating a lot but too fast to get proper technic sorts of videos that to be honest, I can't even do. 

I will do the strength training until I am better able to do the cardio -type workouts like Jillian and 21 Day Fix. Once I am stronger, it actually makes those workouts more enjoyable. I can barely do a pushup at the moment. 

My eating was AWFUL this past week. I had good intentions but I am still undoing some really bad habits of eating whatever sounded good at the moment, since that was the only thing I could do for about nine months! My plan is to go back to the 100 Days of Real Food plan/blog, starting tomorrow. 

So, here are the stats:

Starting weight before pregnancy: 155ish

Weight gained in pregnancy: 50lbs

Weight lost 6 weeks post-pregnancy: 20lbs

Weight last week: 185

Weight today 181

Week One Weight Loss: -4lbs

Not bad for indulging in ice cream and extra helpings of whatever the heck we had. 

Here goes for another week! I'll be back next Monday with my results. 

Before pics this time: 

Pray for me... gotta get up earrrrrllly! But you know what? The way I feel after a workout is worth it! I promise myself to take care of myself so I can take care of everyone else. :) 

God bless!

Sexual Sin Hurts Everyone

When I heard of the Ashley Madison hacking/scandal where at least two prominent Christian men -- one of those men a prominent vlogger and one, the one and only Josh Duggar -- were ousted as members of the site which promised to provide marital affairs .... I thought....

I am not surprised.

I can't tell you how often I see/hear/or am asked to pray for women who mourn their boyfriends' or husbands' affairs, porn addictions, and sometimes even criminal sexual acts.

More and more men (and women) are falling into deep and serious sexual sin and I am 100 percent convinced that if abuse was not a factor in their own upbringing... we can lay the blame squarely on addictions to pornography.

It seems anonymous, but it isn't. Porn is a serious sexual sin - viewing, taking part in, or distributing. Pornography takes the mind and senses into darker and less satisfying places until finally the images aren't enough.

Please don't misunderstand... I am absolving no one of their own free will and lack of self-control, but the ease in which porn is accessed, the ease in which one can become hooked to porn, and the transformation of sexual desire from self-giving to predation lead down a darker and darker path until...

It isn't good enough to sit behind the screen.

Porn makes it easy for someone to take, to grasp, to control, and to feel powerful, when in reality, porn itself takes over that control. Porn itself takes.

Porn makes its viewer powerless.

Porn emasculates men and objectifies women.

People are aghast when a Christian or self-proclaimed moralist is caught in serious sin. I myself have experienced similar feelings when someone I respect is "found out" to be...

a sinner.

Here is the thing though... sexual sin doesn't discriminate. Pornography addiction doesn't discriminate and until you KNOW THE MEANING OF YOUR BODY AND THE GIFT OF SEX YOU WILL NEVER OVERCOME THIS SIN!

NEITHER REPRESSION NOR INDULGENCE ARE THE ANSWER!

Sorry to shout. I just can't place enough emphasis on this!

Your body was meant for UNION. Not union with a computer screen. Union with another person if you are called to marriage, or union with God until and if you have a spouse when another person is invited into that one-flesh union. The Trinity is imaged through the human family! Self-giving, life-giving! Total!

And FREE.

Pornography entraps and enslaves. Ask anyone who has tried to quit their addiction. They may not have even realized it was an addiction until they tried to walk away.

What they find tantalizing on screen is meaningless. Empty. Porn reduces healthy sexual desire and the people on screen to little more than a fix for a sexual appetite. Many of those men and women in films or in whatever media was employed to view and produce porn were abused, hate themselves, are hurt and exploited, have disease, are addicted to drugs, and/or are pressured into extreme behaviors by violent and manipulative "producers". A porn user may not think about how degraded the man or woman in a scene may feel or what their parents or children may think. A porn addict may not realize that someone out there loves the people on the other side of that computer screen and that despite the most degrading act they may engage in, they have dignity given to them by God Himself. The same God who sees the woman caught in adultery, yanked from safety, thrown in the street exposed and vulnerable, about to be stoned by hateful men and He reaches out to her, LOVING HER and stepping between her and the men who would harm her.

Sexual sin is never secret. We may think we are safe in the wee hours of the night, clearing viewing histories, and having secret credit cards, etc, but someone knows. God knows, yes. But the way a person addicted to porn looks at an attractive person is telling. The way a person can't look at you is telling. The way they interact is telling.

Just as building virtues can radiate from our mind and heart to our demeanor and interpersonal relationships, so does engaging in serious sin. 

Sexual sin has a ripple effect. Josh Duggar paid a lot of money to keep his sin secret. But Josh Duggar had an addiction that was never quite healed, though I do believe he put in a good effort, and I give him the benefit of the doubt. I have many holy friends who have struggled to be free from this addiction and it is brutal, particularly because it is so easy just to stumble across. However.... Josh and his family tried repression. Repression is trying to ignore desire. Repress those feelings! BAD!

Like Elsa in Frozen -- Conceal, don't feel!!

NO!!! That is NOT THE ANSWER!! Don't repress sexual desire, take it to the Lord! Ask Him to make that desire for beauty and love. Desire without love is lust. It is hate... take, steal, use, abuse.

Look at Sacred art in which the male and female body are painted nude. Those depictions pointed to beauty! The woman as the last creature to be created in God's Kingdom as the crown of all creation, is beautiful!! Her body, our bodies, are beautiful! They are beautiful because they are sacred and fashioned by love Himself.

The way our bodies are treated and depicted in art today, particularly in music and photography, is abusive and vulgar and strips not simply clothes but attempts to strip dignity as well.

Just giving in, sexual revolution, "safe sex"..... indulgence,  is not the answer either!

Just take a cursory look at society at the most sexually "liberated" people.  Miley Cyrus is the first person that comes to mind... Do you think she is happy? Does she exude beauty? Or is she shooting for lust? It is her body and her choice, and in her free will she can choose to express herself however she wants but let me be perfectly clear...

She deserves love.

Her vulgarity and constant tongue sticking out don't say, "I love myself." They literally say, I care nothing about myself, take what you please, whomever wants it can have it.

When we know we have something precious, we protect it. 

We must protect our sexuality from being exploited, abused, used, or manipulated.

So where do we go from here?  It is pretty impossible to not come across porn. In many ways, I fear for my boys and I am already praying that they won't become enslaved to lust and addictions driven by lust.

1. Thank God for beauty. We are teaching our kids now to appreciate true beauty. To acknowledge the beauty around us in nature or people and say, "Thank you, God, for this beauty."

My son told me that a waitress was lovely.  I don't laugh at him or tease him or tell him that is inappropriate, I say, praise God that in his innocence he recognizes beauty. I said, yes.. she is very lovely. God makes beautiful people! When we thank God instead of turn to lust, we have to acknowledge that this person is not ours for the taking. The person belongs to God, and as you are wonderfully and fearfully made, so are they.

2. Take insecurities to the Lord. Thank Him for the beauty He has given to others as well. 

In my own insecurity, when I see a beautiful woman, whose beauty I am tempted to envy, I have learned to thank God for making her beautiful. A priest taught me that when I confessed my struggle with jealousy. It has truly been transformative for me. I can say I really have become a different person through this regular practice. The more we inflict self-hatred upon our minds and hearts, the easier it is to fall into sin against our bodies.

3. Ask the Lord to transform your view of the human body as an image which reflects the Trinity and gift of LOVE - Free, Total, Faithful, Fruitful. 

We are currently in the market for Sacred Art to display in our home. Art that depicts the beauty of the human body to counter what my kids may come across in magazine stands at the checkout, or media, or even in people around them. That is where we are starting with the kids. It is the difference between an incredible symphony composed by Mozart and really any pop song on top 40 these days. There just is no comparison between making something beautiful and making something marketable.

4. We fall so we know the experience of getting back up. Go to Confession and move on. 

If you have a porn addiction, please realize that you are not bad. You need support, and the more we bring our struggles into the light, the easier it is to face them and to heal and move forward. Go to Confession, ask a friend to pray for you, set up an accountability system, change your routine to avoid long periods alone in vulnerable times to the day.  The book Spiritual Combat by Dom Lorenzo Scapoli states that when you sin you should repent and go about your day as though it didn't occur. The temptation is to punish ourselves by reliving our sin, but if we do that, we are more likely to think we can do no better than sin and we will repeat it again! Thank God for His great mercy! But do what you have to do to break free from the addiction.

5. Cling to the Lord and know how much He loves you. 

People say that Jesus accepted everyone. Mary Magdalene the prostitute, Matthew the Tax Collector...The thing people overlook is that the biggest sinners in the Bible we not simply "accepted" but LOVED and they radically changed their lives because they encountered His love. He loves you. He calls you to the best version of yourself and when you are in love, it gives you courage to do radical things including radically change terrible habits and cast off the shackles of addiction. Pray and take advantage of the grace that He offers you to overcome.

That's it for this blog. It has just been on my heart for awhile and has actually taken me weeks to finish. I pray for you and I pray for your freedom if this is your struggle and your healing if this is your wound. I pray for your families. There is no greater gift we can give to someone who struggles with porn addiction than our prayers.


If you need more inspiration, check out this book. The book is called Restored and is about True Stories of Love and Trust After Porn. My friend wrote a chapter in it. Check it out and if you need additional resources, let me know and I will direct you to some awesome support!

God bless!