You Did Not Choose Me, No I Chose You - GUEST POST JOHN ANGOTTI

This week, I invited my friend, John Angotti, whom I have known for over fifteen years, to share his adoption story. John is a Catholic recording artist, speaker, and music missionary. He uses music to share the Gospel to people of all ages, nationally and internationally. He was instrumental in my own ministry, mentoring me, and helping me to grow in my own talents and confidence. I am blessed to call him friend over the years, and so very thankful that he was willing to share his story on this blog. 

This is National Adoption Month. Many of you know I have three adopted siblings. I rarely think of them as adopted, because we grew up very close and love each other deeply and have been through a lot together. At the same time, I don't know what it is like to be adopted, nor do I realize the pain of realizing that someone didn't want, couldn't care for, or was forced to give their child up. I don't know the wonders of what could have been or what should have been. 

But an adoption is a beautiful gift and witness of our faith because it is to be chosen. To be loved as not an obligation or simply familial tie, but as a free will choice. Yes, there are crummy adoption stories (and crummy non-adoption stories), but the point is that choosing to love is at the crux of our faith and what it means to be Christian. 

"You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you, that you might go and bear fruit-- fruit that will last-- and so that whatever you ask in My Name, My Father will give you." -- John 15:16

Thank you, again, John for this message. 




ADOPTION IS THE OPTION – the story of an adopted child.

This story begins a long time ago in a small town called Lost Creek, West Virginia.  A young beautiful petite 16-year-old girl, who lived on a farm, fell for a handsome athletic 17-year boy who had lost his mother at an early age and lived basically in poverty with his father and brother.  The young girl ended up getting pregnant but tried to hide it from her father.  It would have been a disgrace to the family.  She continued to work on the farm but wear large clothes to hide her pregnancy.  She confided in her sister and some family and friends.  Then one hot day in August as she was helping on the farm, her water broke and the reality of her situation was made known to her father who was furious.  This was an embarrassment for him and the family so they rushed her off to a neighboring town to have the baby.  Nestled up on the mountain top in Phillipi, West Virginia was Alderson-Broadus Hospital where she gave birth to a baby boy.  It was a difficult delivery with a lot of blood and pain but both her and the baby survived.  A day or so later after she recovered, she silently went to the nursery, said goodbye to the life she had just brought into the world, and her life went on.  The baby didn’t have a name so the nurses named him Joseph.

Joseph was then put with an adoption agency and within a month he was placed in a family that had already had adopted two other children and even a couple years after they adopted him, they adopted another.  This family was a Catholic family of Italian decent where the mother was a musician.  As Joseph grew up he always knew he was adopted.  His parents always let the children know that they were chosen.  But he struggled.  He always felt he didn’t fit in.  His cousins all had dark hair and dark skin and they all looked alike.  His older brother had medical problems and his older sister was needy and required more attention than he.  So Joseph spent a lot of time alone.   He grew up being mandated to take piano lessons.  He hated those piano lessons, but his mother insisted.  She made sure the routine of practice occurred daily.  Going to church was something else that wasn’t an option for the family.  Faith was important to the parents.  The father grew up during the depression.  His family came from Italy for a better life but struggled through this era holding on to each other and God.  The mother was also a product of parents who came from Italy for a better life as they struggled.  The work ethic and Italian family values and traditions of the parents were instilled in Joseph.  He may not have had all Italian blood in him but he had the Italian heart.  

Joseph’s parents were very strict.  He wasn’t allowed to do a lot of things his friends were allowed to do, so while he was attending Catholic High School, he visited the Preparatory Seminary where he felt called for a couple of reasons.  One was that he felt free there.  Another one was that the living conditions seemed attractive. There was an indoor pool; sports that he loved; the mall was close; it seemed like he would have more fun and escape the rigid life at home.  But mainly it was the music at the Mass that pulled on his heart.  It was a calling that he couldn’t define but felt it.  So off he went to spend his last three years of high school.  His parents were so proud that he was in the seminary to discern priesthood.  But inside he felt freed and that he belonged.  

Because of those mandated piano lessons, Joseph excelled musically.  He became the lead musician of the all male choir and planned all the music for the school masses that occurred daily.  Music was a big deal at the high school seminary.  The choir toured every year and between his junior and senior year, the choir master, Father Magary, decided to record a cassette.  Joseph was the lead cantor on the recording at 16.  

Joseph went onto the college seminary for a year, met a girl, struggled with his grades and ended up at West Virginia University.  He graduated with a degree in marketing and finally couldn’t ignore the music that continued to call him from within.  He went on to musical school and was the lead singer in the US Navy Band.  He always felt something missing in his life and was always drawn to church not on his own but because his adopted mother would encourage him to go and participate with his musical gifts.

After his Naval journey and working in the business world, playing in bars and rock bands, and struggling through relationships he met Tracy.  They got married and the road was rocky from the beginning.  After a difficult time Joseph began to realize that something was wrong with him.  He didn’t want to live anymore and had thoughts of ending it all.  But he sought help to figure out what was going on inside of him.

Through counseling, tears, facing fears, and lots of prayer, Joseph found out that he suffered from something called “separation anxiety.”  Separation anxiety is what many adopted children have if they don’t feel loved enough from the adopted parents.  The wound of being left by the natural mother is so deep it is unconscious in the individual but shows itself through difficulties in relationships or even trusting that someone could love them.  The fear of being hurt is so deep that anytime someone gets close, they run the other way.  

Joseph actually had met his birth mother before he entered the Navy because of his longing to know who he was.  They developed a friendship but Joseph became aware that he was in a much better place with his adopted parents.  He called his birth mother after his marriage difficulty to ask her why she gave him up for adoption.   She told him with tears in her eyes, that she had every intention of keeping him.  That she had an option and she chose life for him even though it made her life hard for a little while.  But that day when she went to see him in the nursery, she said she looked at him and loved him so much that she knew she could never give him the life he deserved, so she allowed him to be adopted by another.

That’s when it all began to click.  Even though the wound remains, he began to see how God was present through all of it and he could now deal with his issues in a positive manner.  His life progressed and he wrote songs and gave his witness to many of how it was the love of God that saved him since birth.  He has been able to help many people with their faith journey by bringing the reality of God presence to all of us through word and song.  His story and music reveal how God has worked throughout history through the work of human hands: through our ancestors, through Mary, through Jesus, through his birth mother, adopted parents, and through his wife and family.  Therefore, all because a 16 year old choose life the baby who was named Joseph at birth by the nurses became John Angotti who now shares his adoption story with the world so that all will know that through Christ, with Christ and in Christ, in the unity of the Holy Spirit all glory and honor belongs to God, forever and ever. Amen.