My Daughter is Beautiful

Tell her she's beautiful every day. 

Don't tell her she's beautiful. 

Be honest with her. 

Compliment her mind, not her body. 

Don't talk about her body at all. 

Tell her she looks good even if she doesn't. 

AH!!  PLEASE!! SOMEONE STOP THE MADNESS!!!! 

First off, I have always struggled with my self-image. This is me, self-proclaimed original "Ugly Betty"... I think I was maybe around fourteen years old. 

I had bad acne, was overweight (I weighed as much as a teenager as I did pregnant with my third child...), braces, headgear, etc. The complete antithesis of cultural, feminine beauty. 

I wasn't pretty. No one told me I was pretty, but no one said I was ugly either, aside from one nasty kid at a pool a few years prior to this picture being taken. 

My mom told me that God doesn't make junk. That stuck with me.

Other than that no one made a big deal about how I looked, one way or the other. 

Consequently, my own self-talk, in my mind, was validated. 

"I'm ugly."

Fast forward. 

This is my daughter after a Father/Daughter dance. 

She is beautiful. 

I will always tell her that she is beautiful. 

I know the trend right now is to not talk to your daughter at all about her physical appearance, but rather to compliment her mind and heart and soul. 

I get that. 

But she wants to know she is beautiful. It is innate in her. Even when she was really little, she would ask me to put a dress on her, or she would grab one of my dresses and say, "Am I pwetty, mama?" 

"Yes, honey. You are beautiful." 

When I tell her she is beautiful, I want her to know that I say that from a place of deep love for her. When she hears someone else say she is beautiful, she will be able to recognize the difference between someone who says it out of love, and someone who says it without love - someone who wants to use her. 

She will know that she is beautiful, not sexy. 

She will know that she is beautiful because she is fearfully and wonderfully made, knit in her mother's womb, beloved, His beautiful one. (All Scripture references)

Of course, she is not limited by physical beauty. We affirm her for being kind, compassionate, brave, intelligent, prayerful, and helpful. But all of those things make her beautiful. 

To only affirm her heart, mind, and soul while rejecting her body as unimportant to who she is is really the opposite of anything holy - if the body were bad and not worth a second thought, it wouldn't have been redeemed on the cross. If the body were bad, it wouldn't be resurrected on the last day. 

I believe I should instead, teach her to love herself as a whole person. Society places so much emphasis on sex appeal, not beauty. We have to be careful when we are fighting one, to not fight the other. When she starts to change or gains a few pounds, or needs braces, etc, I want her to know she is beautiful because she is a child of God and His love for her makes her beautiful and that is unchanging beauty. 

I hope to teach her that her most attractive quality is her soul, and that holiness is the most beautiful thing in the world. 

I want to teach her that the more she is full of love, the more beautiful she is. 

They will see her beauty. Not just physical beauty, but the love of Christ radiating through her, spilling over to everyone around her. 

So, I say without reservation....

My daughter is beautiful.