This year, I resolve to be joyful. I've been reflecting that it is something I tend to lack and not for lack of desire to be joyful and not even because I'm not happy -- I am happy and pretty content with life. By joy, I mean the virtue of joy - that infectious joy, that Christ lives in me and loves through me and when we meet, you may experience not just a smiling face, but the joy of Christ. That incredible joy that brings us awe and wonder that someone can still bring joy to others in the midst of their own suffering and sorrow.
Here are a few opposites to joy that I struggle with:
1) Skepticism.
I'm often suspicious. Suspicion can be a gift -- I can tell when something isn't quite right or someone isn't quite right or their motives aren't pure. I remember a long time ago, meeting someone who, for some reason, I did not trust. I was on a hiring panel for that person and I wrote the boss an email before he was offered the position saying that there was something about him that I didn't trust - something not quite right about him. I couldn't put my finger on it, though. I don't want to go into details, but this person is now in prison! This sounds like a gift, but I walk that fine line between being wise and being skeptical. A healthy balance is important and discernment is essential when it comes to a person's character or motivations, but sometimes it keeps me from being joyful and reaching out to others. I can be really guarded. I pray for more openness towards people - not forsaking discernment for throwing caution to the wind, but I pray to discern Jesus in that person, and to not put myself in a box.
2) Ungratefulness.
If someone does something "out of the blue" nice for me, I immediately want to repay them. There is an Office episode where Dwight and Andy try to keep doing nice things for one another so they don't "owe" one another and it turns into a ridiculous competition. THIS IS SO ME! I have a hard time just being grateful for the kind deed. I pray that rather than let my first thought be, "how can I repay this?" Or, "I don't deserve this!" I hope I can just give thanks and in doing so, repay the good deed through thanksgiving and joyfulness, open to the Holy Spirit in how I may be called to be charitable, myself.
3) Laziness.
I have more or less adjusted to being mostly a stay at home mom. I keep the house as clean as possible with three babies three and under, cook dinner most nights, play with the kids, do various ministry and music activities.... 90% in my pajamas. I. Look. Like. A. Slob. In the same way that I get mad at my husband for "not being romantic" since we're now married, I have all but given up on my appearance since marriage. Ha! (This is disregarding all health and fitness - I'm not talking about that - I'm speaking strictly dressing up and running a brush through my hair). It's like... I'm married... I don't have to look pretty anymore unless I go out in public. Haha! For REAL ! So, I decided that this year, I need to take fifteen - twenty extra minutes and put myself together. Once, when I got out of bed, my hair was so messy (ok, so more than once), but my son said, "Mom, you look like a beautiful monster." :P When I take the time to look nice, it has a huge effect on my attitude! I feel more ready to conquer the day and less like a sluggish, grouchy head. :)
4) Negativity.
I think since I've become a mom, my thought process of "what can possibly go wrong" has taken front and center stage when it comes to, well, almost everything. With kids, "what can possibly go wrong" often does go wrong. For example... I give my kids a little cup of popcorn to watch a movie. What could possible go wrong? Popcorn crumbled and ground into every nearby crack and cranny of the couch, carpet, and body parts - that's what could go wrong! That's a minor example. There are lots more. Baptisms in the toilet... etc. So, rather than focus on how to make something work, I catch myself being overly concerned about "what could possibly go wrong" when it comes to any new idea or change or behavior - I'm overly focused on the negative sometimes. To combat this negative thinking, I've started leaving a positive note for my husband almost every day. We have a notebook in the bathroom. I write him a "fun fact about my love" for him. Things that he may or may not know about what I've noticed about him from when we first met or something that caught my attention that day. I've been doing this for a few weeks now since it has been on my heart to be more joyful. This helps me to focus on love and joy and not on the nitpicky things we can tend to argue about. He's caught on, too, and has started leaving me notes. It's awesome. What a simple thing to do, but it brings me so much joy to be on the giving and receiving end of positive comments. It's a small way I have found to think more positive and honor the gifts of those around me versus their faults.
5) Lack of Prayer.
When I spend time in the Lord's Presence, I feel more at peace and that peace translates to joy. This one is simple. I just need more time in the Lord's Presence. I took the kids to Adoration while we were running errands the other day - just five minutes was all we four could manage, but it made all the difference in the world. Seriously. We need more of that. My kids even need more of that - it's not just about me! Praise Him!
So, I resolve this year, to be more joyful. Less skeptical, less critical, less lazy, more grateful.
Less of me. More of You.
Happy 2014!
No comments:
Post a Comment