I told my husband I was going to write this blog and he said, "Ah! Are you going to make me look bad?" Haha, no, I said... I'm going to make ME look bad.
Recently, I've been reading the book It is Well by Chris Faddis in which he tells the tragic, yet faith-filled, hope-filled story of losing his wife, Angela, to cancer. I followed Chris and Angela on their Facebook support page and cried at every post or picture posted. The posts spoke of very real suffering. The posts spoke of hope in Christ. The posts spoke of beautiful spousal love which transcended every mediocre version of love in movie or song, past feeling to dying to one another spiritually. The pictures showed their family loving one another through it all - both of their children hugging their mom on her hospital bed. I almost can't write about it even now, the intensity of suffering and faith that gripped our hearts and made us pray for a miracle.
There is a bigger Truth revealed in this book that hit home for me - a Truth I always knew, but hearing from someone who had put it into practice to the end rocked my world!
The Truth is: I am called to get my husband to Heaven.
Yeah, yeah, I know that and I do my best. But here's the other part of that:
My husband is the person God has chosen for me, to help me get to Heaven.
Let's read deeper... this isn't just about praying together. This isn't just about trying to guard the other's heart. This is about the CHALLENGES of marriage, specifically the challenge of being married to WHO you are married to!
(DISCLAIMER I want to clarify that I'm not saying if anyone of us is married to anyone abusive or unfaithful or irresponsible financially, etc, that it's something to be tolerated - I'm speaking today only of the normal, everyday annoyances and personality challenges that we face as married couples once the honeymoon is over!)
I have seen a lot of growth in myself, being married to David. He is more relaxed than I am, in general. His first response to crisis is prayer. My first response to crisis is panic, then prayer. :)
Chris Faddis talks about how we see the good and the bad of one another and how great it is that we can love each other beyond that. My husband's weaknesses, though, have a way of bringing about my weaknesses.
When he forgets to do something I have asked... I get frustrated and angry. Is that just his weakness -- or is it mine?
When he plays with the kids before bed while I am trying to calm them down for sleep and put the kibosh on all the fun..... is that his weakness -- or mine?
When he is running late in the morning because he took an extra long prayer time and I am mad that I put everyone's shoes on and he still isn't in the car -- is that his weakness or mine?
When he wants to be affectionate and gets his feelings hurt because I reject the affection in my own frustration that he doesn't understand I do NOT want anyone else to touch me that day... is that his weakness -- or mine?
Sometimes I think... AH! IF ONLY HE WOULD CHANGE this or that! Or Why, WHY, can't he see things MY way?!?!
Granted, there are legitimate things that he needs to work on. But more often than not... his weaknesses... the weaknesses I can so easily find in him (and overlook in myself), simultaneously bring up my own weaknesses... my weakness towards....
Impatience.... Self-centeredness... Frustration... Lack of Compassion... Lack of Humility... Lack of Generosity
These virtues are MUCH easier for me to practice outside of marriage, but oh-so-difficult to put into place in marriage... why? Because, I think we take advantage of the fact that we have seen one another at our worst, and are still loved. We assume the love and let ourselves get away with not really deserving it- nor even attempting to earn it.
So my spouse will get me to Heaven, not just by guarding my heart and praying with and for me.
He will get me to Heaven not just by being a loving father or a dedicated, faithful husband.
He will get me to Heaven just by being who he is - who God created him to be, for me.
And as I pick up his laundry in the middle of the bedroom floor once again....
I will be a saint.
:)
No comments:
Post a Comment