I'm Desperate for You

"And I.... I'm desperate for You.... and I.... I'm lost without You..."


This was one of my favorite praise and worship songs EVER when I was younger. I immediately connected to the cry of the refrain, the words, the emotion, the prayer.

Recently, though, I read this saying from St. Padre Pio:

I repeat that the temptations of jealousy, desperation, discouragement, distrust, etc. are works of the devil.

As a person who was beginning to come to grips with my sin and my deep desires to serve the Lord, I felt a sense of desperation that cause me to reach out and cling to the Lord. The Lord used the desperation to bring me to Him! It's kind of like being at rock bottom, finally realizing only the Lord can really satisfy, heal, and love unconditionally.

My despair, or desperation, is now the very thing that leads me away from Him.

I feel desperate when I feel we will never be out of debt. I feel desperate not knowing the future and where we will find a home to settle in for awhile. I feel desperate when my kids are sick and I don't know what is wrong.

This desperation is not something that immediately leads me to the Lord... it leads me to feel hopeless and want control. It leads me to doubt. It leads me to try to do things on my own without reaching out to Him until once again, I reach the end of my rope and finally look up.

Desperation is no virtue. Desperation is a hopeless, lost feeling. Desperation leads people to all kinds of dead ends, false promises, temporary solutions, fleeting happiness.

When we feel desperate, we have to ask ourselves... "Where is our faith?" "Where is our trust?" "What does our prayer life look like?"

Reading this quote from Padre Pio instantly made sense to me.... I had been so tense and stressed trying to figure things out on my own.. spending more time thinking I need to find solutions and less time praying. I realized that this was my sin... my lack of faith and surrender.

It really does give me peace to be reminded that the answers that I seek, the Lord has, so my foremost priority has to be to seek Him. The solutions will come. They always do.

While I still like the song, I am reminded not to stay in that state of desperation - I can sing it to acknowledge my lack of faith and total dependence upon God and to ask for help to place my hope in Him.

Then....

I can trade my sorrows for better is one day in His courts than thousands elsewhere, so here I am to worship because I've got that joy down in my heart -- where? Down in my heart! :)


"Pray, hope, and don't worry." -- Padre Pio