... Everyone who knows my husband and I knows that in our relationship, I am not the socially awkward one. ;)
And yet, I was the one who was homeschooled! How can this be?!
I have recently been spending a considerable amount of time reflecting on my own homeschooling experience as I discern with my husband whether or not we should homeschool our children. I was homeschooled from third grade through high school and attended a regular four year university - Christian Brothers University in Memphis, Tennessee where I graduated Summa Cum Laude in 2006, so academically, I felt my homeschool career prepared me (for the most part) for college. I hated math. Hated. Hate. Hated. Stupid Saxon. Every homeschooler knows what I mean.
We are still undecided about how to best educate our kids, but the argument that our kids will not be well-adjusted socially is one that is at the bottom rung of our priority list. This is not to say I had an easy social life. I definitely struggled with periods of social awkwardness. I remember owning a few stereotypical-homeschooler long jean skirts, and while there is nothing wrong with jean skirts, I was also super painfully shy and that was tied to a lot of self-esteem issues, not necessarily a homeschool -related issue.
Upon reflection, I was able to come up with five things that I learned in homeschooling that helped me to be a well-rounded, socially capable person:
1) Lots of time to spend in learning about my faith When I was younger, I had a lot of head knowledge of the facts about my faith - I learned how to defend my faith and what I believed. When that finally translated into heart knowledge after a powerful conversion I had at a retreat, I began to see where, in my life, I was judgmental. This was a very slow process. I think a lot of us homeschoolers (and others, but I'm speaking of homeschoolers in particular) can easily fall into the trap of a prideful judgmental-ism. I think this is partly because in homeschooling, we had the time to learn about subjects that interested us. There was no limit to what we could learn about a topic and we wanted to share that knowledge. Also, because of that, we learned to be very confident in our beliefs and "sharing our faith" could cross the line into "you're wrong, I'm right and here is why..." It could be very lacking in love. Once I was able to make the mature connection to loving myself and others, having the humility to love the Lord and His people, I found myself to be able to explain the truths I had studied with love! I had answers to questions people had about why I believe certain things and they felt comfortable approaching me and engaging in an honest discussion when I dropped the "I know the answers" prideful attitude. Through these honest debates and dialogue, I began to understand that faith is a journey and we are always learning and that there are things we can learn from people who don't believe the same things we do. In homeschool, as is also true in life, there was never an end to our semester of faith. I am still learning!
2) Lots of time to pursue talents Not having school all day and homework all night freed up my day to practice music, write songs, book events, start bands, etc. I loved that. I also had lots of time to meet and learn from people who were more skilled and gifted than I. In the bands I was in, I learned to work with others who had different ideas and attitudes and skill sets than I. We had people in our praise and worship bands who were homeschooled, public schooled, private schooled, more wealthy, less wealthy, more artistic, more athletic, from big families, from small families. All we asked was that whoever join the band be on board with prayer and worship and represent Christ in our events. It was amazing the fluidity and diversity of our group over the years. It was life-changing to be able to go out and use the universal language of music to share our faith with our fellow teens. I learned to be a leader, which brings me to my next point...
3) I learned to be a self-starter One of the aspects of homeschooling that I have a love/hate relationship with is that everything requires a certain amount of independence. You are in charge of getting your work done properly or you have to do it over. You may get grounded from friends. You may not get to leave the house until every assignment is done to A or B standard. No one is going to stand over your shoulder and watch you do it, you just have to get it done. You have to know how long something is going to take so that you can plan accordingly to get the rest of the work done. There are no deadlines, you just HAVE to do it. You have to finish every textbook cover to cover. There's no running out of time at the end of the semester on a subject. You didn't finish? You better. I had to be self-motivated. This has translated into my life as an adult in more ways than I can count - everything from booking my speaking and music ministry events, to following calls to prayer to move cross country and start life over, etc. Some people have this personality. I really didn't and sometimes I envy those who do because they thrive on the energy they get from being a self-starter. For me, it was an acquired skill.
4) I learned to interact with people of all ages Instead of only being around peers my age, I was in homeschooling groups later in my high school career with students of all ages. We took classes from other adults who also were able to have time to engage us in conversation and debate, challenging us to think critically. We learned to help the younger students and learn from the older ones. I took classes at a devout Baptist Church where we respectfully debated evolution and other areas of faith where our churches taught differently. I learned especially how to talk to and with adults which helped me to grow in maturity and broaden my worldview outside from the stereotypical "shelter" of homeschool.
5) I learned independence. This is closely tied to number three. With the ability to independently pursue my academic work and hobbies, I learned to, in a sense, take care of myself. I want my kids to learn the same, no matter where we send them to be educated. I learned how to do important domestic tasks so that I could run a household when I became an adult, a wife, a mom. Except cooking. I need to go back to school for that, I think, but it wasn't for lack of trying to teach me on my mom's part.
Please don't misunderstand me that these things can only be learned in homeschooling. Clearly, this is not exclusive to homeschool and clearly socially awkward former homeschooled people do exist. I'm just trying to reflect on the positives of my own education and why people are surprised that I was homeschooled. My homeschooled environment, particularly in my last two years of high school as homeschooling was paired with a lot of homeschooling and outside-the-home classes and activities, helped facilitate the above five qualities which have helped me grow into a responsible adult. There was a time where people would not have been surprised I was homeschooled (read: long denim skirt), but I think my education gave me a good balance of life skills that have helped form me into a socially capable person.
Everyone's experience of schooling is valid and different. I appreciate the education I had at home.
Thanks, Mom and Dad.
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